Reply to: All the jelly bits have gone

[Old Hack]

Hideously stolen from Fly Cat Fly:

Dogs diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:40 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favourite thing!
7:30 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

A Cat's Diary

Day 972 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Evil People!!

Day 973 of my captivity.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 974 of my captivity.
Two workmen came to the house today. As they rested after strengthening the interior of my confines, I sat on one, gently hooking my claws into their clothing. My plan was to cling on until they left, thus escape with them under the cover of their departure. The other workman went outside first and came back smelling strangely after something called a "cigarette". Curses! I'd picked the wrong one! I heard they are coming back again in another week. I will repeat my escape attempt then.

Day 975 of my captivity.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now......

[norrahe]

We're looking after a friend's two cats today as she is moving home and wanted to minimise the effects on the cats.

The wife puts them up in the main bathroom with towels, food and a litter tray.

The more feisty one has pulled off the piece of panelling at the side of the loo, squeezed through a tiny gap and has now disappeared into the airspace between the floors. Aarrgghhhhh!!!!!!!!

[Lockhouse]

AAArrggghhhh cats!!!

We're looking after a friend's two cats today as she is moving home and wanted to minimise the effects on the cats.

The wife puts them up in the main bathroom with towels, food and a litter tray.

The more feisty one has pulled off the piece of panelling at the side of the loo, squeezed through a tiny gap and has now disappeared into the airspace between the floors. Aarrgghhhhh!!!!!!!!

[BrilloPad]

Yup.

It's why I like them.

None of that hideous sycophancy you get with dogs.

Which is odd as your esteemed customers are like cats but you don't like them....

[alluvial]

Oh dear, he'll still love you but the puppy's life will be hell

Love? Aren't cats incapable of love? Only pretending to hold a sort of disdainful affection for you when they want something and at all other times practice a sort of aloof haughtiness designed to show you who really needs who.

[norrahe]

I used to hate cats, was very much a dog person. Then wifey got a rescue cat.

Never got on with the thing for 18mths, then i had an operation late last year, and was laid up bed for 2 days after it. That cat never left my side during that time, unless it was time to eat. Very loving it was.

Since then, as I work from home 95% of the time, he sits on the end of the bed and pretends to be interested in me until he gets a stroke. We're quite matey now, but dont tell the wife.

Not sure it will last when I get the planned puppy later this year though...

Oh dear, he'll still love you but the puppy's life will be hell

[scooby]

I used to hate cats, was very much a dog person. Then wifey got a rescue cat.

Never got on with the thing for 18mths, then i had an operation late last year, and was laid up bed for 2 days after it. That cat never left my side during that time, unless it was time to eat. Very loving it was.

Since then, as I work from home 95% of the time, he sits on the end of the bed and pretends to be interested in me until he gets a stroke. We're quite matey now, but dont tell the wife.

Not sure it will last when I get the planned puppy later this year though...

[alluvial]

cats are quite funny.

They just seem to have their own little plan for the day, wander about on a pre defined circuit, make a shed load of noise when they want something, abuse anything that they can abuse, pretend they love someone when that someone is giving the cat what they want and they enjoy licking their own arsehole.

The BAs and PMs of the animal world.

Yep, that pretty much describes me, except I can't lick my own arsehole, I have to visit Dirty Mary in admin for that.

[EternalOptimist]

cats are quite funny.

They just seem to have their own little plan for the day, wander about on a pre defined circuit, make a shed load of noise when they want something, abuse anything that they can abuse, pretend they love someone when that someone is giving the cat what they want and they enjoy licking their own arsehole.

The BAs and PMs of the animal world.

The main difference is that cats sleep 75% of the day

PM's sleep 33%


and then spend 67% comatose

[minestrone]

cats are quite funny.

They just seem to have their own little plan for the day, wander about on a pre defined circuit, make a shed load of noise when they want something, abuse anything that they can abuse, pretend they love someone when that someone is giving the cat what they want and they enjoy licking their own arsehole.

The BAs and PMs of the animal world.

[MarillionFan]

Cracking film.

Always reminds me of

Don't know why

[MarillionFan]

You are Albert Finney and I claim my 5 kitchen sinks.



Tone

Cracking film.

[Sands of Time]

im famous !

You are Albert Finney and I claim my 5 kitchen sinks.



Tone

[EternalOptimist]

Wasn't this the plot to 'Saturday night, Sunday morning'?





Tone

im famous !

[Sands of Time]

Wasn't this the plot to 'Saturday night, Sunday morning'?





Tone