Reply to: Standards of grammar and spelling on this forum

[EternalOptimist]

I know a bloke who claims to be hung like a pork pie, do you think he is safe from Threaded and/or Janey?

thats daft, you might be hung like a donkey, errol flynn or even dick Turpin, but a pork pie?
If we are going down that road the I am hung like a vindaloo

[Fleetwood]

Lots of knobbly bits around the rim?

F in "This thread is degenerating" mode

[janey]

I know a bloke who claims to be hung like a pork pie, do you think he is safe from Threaded and/or Janey?

I don't know what you can possibly mean

*janey in swwet & innocent mode*

[The Lone Gunman]

I know a bloke who claims to be hung like a pork pie, do you think he is safe from Threaded and/or Janey?

[sasguru]

Threaded, you really are a tedious and boring fecker, aren't you?

You can't even come up with an original, you obese pie-man.

[janey]

Singing? Singing? You're supposed to get her singing...

[threaded]

I trust you exhibited the correct level of sang-froid?

Singing? Singing? You're supposed to get her singing...

[sasguru]

Critically, I failed on both criteria.

I trust you exhibited the correct level of sang-froid?

[janey]

I went out with a bird once who assured me that "épaisseur" was more important than "longueur". Critically, I failed on both criteria.

F in "She was from Paris" mode

I would agree with her. so you're more of a cocktail sausge than a chipolata or cumerberland eh?!

[Fleetwood]

I went out with a bird once who assured me that "épaisseur" was more important than "longueur". Critically, I failed on both criteria.

F in "She was from Paris" mode

[janey]

Another method would be to look out for the key phrase "love chipolata".
Good luck with your search, btw.

thanks F


...even worse... the cocktail sausage, at least chipolatas have some length!

[Fleetwood]

I'm relocating so I'm looking for a flatshare on the internet and I have to admit one of the easiest ways to "filter" prospective flatmates is by their spelling and grammar... one I saw said they lived in a "terrist house"

Another method would be to look out for the key phrase "love chipolata".
Good luck with your search, btw.

[sasguru]

NIHILIST JOB RÉSUMÉ.
BY ERIC FEEZELL
- - - -

David, Candice, whatever
EndlessMurk512@aol.com
This Abject World
(555) 555-5555



Objective

I have no objective. What's the point when cold death is the final destination for us all? Can you explain that to me? I know I'm supposed to put something here, though, so here goes: Your objective is to hire me into a challenging position in a computer-applications-based field within which you feel I can "make a difference" and "contribute" in a team environment.

Imbecile.



Education

Bachelor of "Science" in Computer Applications, University of Washington

B.S., all right. It tickles me greatly that vapid, hornswoggled employers place so much emphasis on scholastic aptitude and higher education, as if knowing the Pythagorean theorem could shield me from the stygian pointlessness of mortality or the lurid abyss of imminent nonexistence. Of course, I use the word "tickles" figuratively, since I feel absolutely nothing.



Skills

Skills are valueless and only serve temporarily to bolster the trembling egos of the sheeple of this wretched world. I eschew all so-called personal development, instead dying under the premise that, when I'm a biodegrading mess of worm feed hopelessly buried beneath a fathom of dark earth, being able to type 70 words a minute really won't do me a modicum of what you so ignorantly refer to as "good."

Microsoft Excel, PowerPoint, Access; UNIX; Lotus 1, 2, 3.



Work Experience

Lead Sales Representative, Howard Brothers Trucking Co. (June 2003 to present)

As the leading sales representative at Howard Brothers, I implemented a new invoicing database lauded by my maudlin, foolhardy management team as "wonderfully efficient and surprisingly self-explanatory." Why any of this mattered, I don't know or care.

As far as being a "leader" goes, I wasn't leading anyone or anything. Death is the great leveler, leading us all. Or not. Again, who cares, really?

Sales Clerk, Hot Topic (January 2001 to June 2003)

Employee of the month 29 consecutive times.



Interests

It pains me (again, being loose with the language here) to think that one could be so ridiculous as to maintain any sort of attachment to this-worldly tangibles, concepts, or other such contemptible ephemera. I'll admit I play tennis, although I don't keep score and insist that when my deluded partner does he use the terms "zero" or "nothingness" instead of "love," a superfluous notion.

I also read a bit of Baudelaire, for what it's worth, which is nothing.



Honors/Awards

Mankind, in its self-congratulatory revelry, will finally come to realize that all forms of kudos simply blind us from the solitary incontrovertible truth: life is a hollow shell of nil.

Once, during my younger days, in an ultimately nugatory proclamation (is there any other kind?) of my desensitized attitude toward accolades and gifts, I coined the phrase "He who dies with the most toys ... still dies." A bumper-sticker company then offered me a large sum of money for the rights to this phrase. I told them to keep it and give it to someone or something that mattered, which I guess was my way of making a joke (back before I realized how asinine and fruitless such a thing was).



References

This section seems a bit silly. But not like ha-ha silly. I mean ineffectual, obviously.

I would certainly give this guy an interview.

[janey]

Now that I'm responsible for screening CVs, one of the attributes I look for is absolutely perfect grammar and spelling. Anything less goes straight in the bin. After all, if you can't get your own CV right, I don't have any confidence that you can get anything else right.

oi you cheeky fecker!

[janey]

I'm relocating so I'm looking for a flatshare on the internet and I have to admit one of the easiest ways to "filter" prospective flatmates is by their spelling and grammar... one I saw said they lived in a "terrist house"