Friday Poetry Corner - No Choice

[TestMangler]

Said mother tern to baby tern,
Would you like a little brother ?
Said baby tern to mummy tern,
Yes, one good tern deserves another.

S. Milligan

People who live in glass houses,
Should pull the blinds,
When removing their trouses.

S Milligan (again).

[OwlHoot]

Early to rise, late to bed,
makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.

[Arturo Bassick]

I wanna feel your bum, but I know, you'll slap me hand. Every time I see you smile, it makes me want to stand. I want to kiss your lips, but I'm scared about me breath. I wanna hold your hand, but I'm half frightened to death. I want to drop formalities and let my fingers roam, but me mum's banging on the ceiling, telling me to take you home. I wanna take you to the picture's, your studys in the way. And leaving can be grieving, when you always wanna stay. I wanna marry you this instant, and let my feelings delve, but me Dad says I'll have to wait, because I'm only twelve.

C. Charles aged 12.

[AlfredJPruffock]

It was written on the back of cubicle 4 at the Grantham Municipal toilets circa 1980 along with:

Here lies the grave of Mary Anne
F*cked & shagged by every man
Now she's dead but not forgotten
They just dig her up and **** her rotten

By some guy called "Anon"

Aye Troll

Good to see the old toilet humour is still alive - its a very British thing Toilet Humour - a bit like weaing slightly uncomfortable clothing to the office.

I know I do.

Anyway good to see so many Poetry Lovers out there - Who's Next ?

[TestMangler]

PS TM - there is nothing wrong with havng the odd wink altough if it becomes excessive you could always visit an optician

What do you mean 'if it becomes excessive' ?

Can you put some numbers on that and I'll get back to you......

[Troll]

No, I heard it many years ago, don't know the author is.

It was written on the back of cubicle 4 at the Grantham Municipal toilets circa 1980 along with:

Here lies the grave of Mary Anne
F*cked & shagged by every man
Now she's dead but not forgotten
They just dig her up and **** her rotten

By some guy called "Anon"

[DimPrawn]

Very good DP !

Is that one of yours perchance ?

No, I heard it many years ago, don't know the author is.

[AlfredJPruffock]

There once was a man from Belgrade
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "Errr, that's disgusting!
She only needs dusting....and think of the money I'd save!"

Very good DP !

Is that one of yours perchance ?

[AlfredJPruffock]

Aye AB

Good to hear that old chestnut from John Cooper Clarke - and they say romance is dead ?

[DimPrawn]

There once was a man from Belgrade
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "Errr, that's disgusting!
She only needs dusting....and think of the money I'd save!"

[AlfredJPruffock]

Oh, dear Little Flo I love you so.
Especially in your nightie
When the moonlight flits.
Across your tits.
Oh, Jesus Christ almighty

- Derek

That reminds me ...



As I was walking down the street one day
I saw a house on fire
There was man, shouting and screaming at an upper-storey window
To the crowd that was gathered there below
For he was sore afraid

Jump! You faicker- jump!
Jump into this here blanket what we are holding

And you will be all right

He jumped, hit the deck, broke his ******* neck -
There was no blanket

Laugh?! We nearly shat!
We had not laughed so much since Grandma died

Or Auntie Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle

We are miserable sinners
Fi-i-ilthy ****ers

Ahhhrrrr-soles


PS TM - there is nothing wrong with havng the odd wink altough if it becomes excessive you could always visit an optician

[Arturo Bassick]

Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected tulip-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.
You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can...
TWAT.

LYRICS © JOHN COOPER CLARKE

[wobbegong]

Oh, dear Little Flo I love you so.
Especially in your nightie
When the moonlight flits.
Across your tits.
Oh, Jesus Christ almighty

- Derek

[TestMangler]

I gave up w*nking this morning,
I never thought that I could,
I'm feeling better already.
And this time, I'm off it for good.


K.B.Wilson

[AlfredJPruffock]

*

Hey - Alf !

Aye - whit ?

From the Conservative dark
Into the ethical life
The dense commuters come,

Repeating their morning vow;
"I will be true to the wife,
I'll concentrate more on my work,"

And helpless governors wake
To resume their compulsory game:

Who can release them now ?
Who can reach the deaf ?
Who can speak for the dumb?

All I have is a voice

And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky:

There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone

Hunger allows no choice
To the Citizen or the Police;

We must Love one another or die.


Adpated from WH Auden Septemer 1st 1939