Reply to: The Common Smooth Snake

[Doggy Styles]

I took a trip to Devon for a bit of a golfer's holiday recently, not far from Hartland Point, and spotted some adders basking in the rough. I've never seen a smoothie though. Is it long?

[MarillionFan]

People like you should be on the sex offenders register

He is on the sex offenders register, just after Gary.

[jacquiw]

Well, looks like summer is finally upon us and Sunday saw Malc and I together with our chum Johnny bowling down the A350 in bright sunshine to Studland Bay, an area of heathland adjoining a stunning stretch of golden sands on the Dorset coast. Johhny, who is the Akela of our local scout group, is a keen naturalist and informed us that May is the perfect time of year to see smooth snakes so, armed with an array of photographic equipment, we parked the car and made our way along the beach.

Presently, we passed a sign informing us that "naturalists may be seen beyond this point" at which point Johnny tumed to Malc and I and asked us to remove our undergarments.
Somewhat taken aback, we aquiesced to his request assuming that this was normal practice when smooth snake spotting. Fortunately, I had an old awayday return to Didcot in my pocket which proved ideal in preserving our modesty. Passing the outward part to Malc, I kept the slightly longer return portion for my own requirements.

Entering the sand dunes, we followed a path which was designated a permissive path and I have to say the activities taking place along that path were very permissive indeed. A group of men were partaking in a quoit-a-thon to raise funds for the Wiltshire Gay farmers' Helpline. I couldn't help noticing that the individual who was the target of this quoit throwing was in a state of which I can only politely term "full salute".

Continuing through the prodigious growth of waist high sea buckthorn, we redeployed our awayday returns having noticed the viscious looking spines on these shrubs. You certainly wouldn't want one of those in the pink volkswagen. Then, a burly character on an all terrain motorcycle appeared and announced that he was the warden. Johnny asked the warden if he knew of anywhere we could hide and take some shots of smooth snakes to show to the children in a wildlife presentation he had planned later that week. At this point the warden grew agitated and became quite aggressive towards us telling us he was sick of dealing with "men with red handprints on their arses" and then threatened to call the police.

We quickly gathered our belongings, got dressed and repaired to Old Mother Leakey's cafe for knickerbocker glories where we all roared with laughter at the day's events.

People like you should be on the sex offenders register

[amcdonald]

Is this a sockie reunion thread ?

[Wodewick]

I for one would like to meet Wodders and shake him by the face.

<titter>
You are full of tulip! I am sure if I ever met you you would be polite to me!

[OwlHoot]

I'll be available for a full debriefing in due course.

I thought you'd tried debriefing at Studland Bay, and were nearly arrested.

Oh and here's a smooth snake (well, lizard) you won't have seen.

[MarillionFan]

Apparently I'm you and Gricer and RH and Admin and .....

I for one would like to meet Wodders and shake him by the face.

[Wodewick]

Apparently I'm you and Gricer and RH and Admin and .....

Well he's not far off then........

[Zippy]

Zippy could you check your PMs and tell me what he said?

Apparently I'm you and Gricer and RH and Admin and .....

[Wodewick]

Never get between a man and his kebab.

Never forget the chilli sauce!

[MarillionFan]

Yer heids all mince!

Never get between a man and his kebab.

[Wodewick]

Your arse is grass.

Yer heids all mince!

[MarillionFan]

Zippy could you check your PMs and tell me what he said?

Your arse is grass.

[Wodewick]

Zippy could you check your PMs and tell me what he said?

[Zippy]

Just left you a message on your main account.