Reply to: Cringe-inducing Interview Answers

[Sysman]

Definitely. I've had the most success at negotiations/meetings/interviews when I honestly couldn't care less either way, and was straight down the line & to the point with q&a.

It's the same when chatting the ladies up. If you aren't wound up or feeling nervous about rejection, you come across as yourself.

[Sysman]

as long as 3 minutes? more like 30 seconds!

Ah, what the Yanks call the Elevator pitch. Meet someone new in a lift and you only have the time between floors to make an impression.,

[Paddy]

I did that quite recently at Agfa in Brentford - looked at Google streetview, saw the Agfa logo on the building - sorted not problem. Mosied down, lazily stopped off at a McD's in the area for a quick one, after that Chiswick Flyover roundabout nonsense, got to the 'site' parked in 'AGFA Visitor' space, leisurely walked around to reception and asked for the contact.

"Oh no - this isn't Afga any more, they moved across the way, over there' think it was called 'Business one' or something and I could walk there in one minute, but no, the biatch threatened me with a good clamping so I had to drive.

Westwards, and turn back, no problem. Except I missed the lane, ended up on M4 proper and drove miles and miles to find the next exit, 15 miles at least, turned came back, missed the fecking turn off the car park, so parked on the exit ramp and pleaded.

Got in, one minute to spare, sweating like a pig and flustered to buggery.

Didn't get the job, second interview too, first one was in Leeds, permie so doesn't count against my 100% contract interview success rate.

I had a phone interview while I was standing in the middle of a roundabout, it lasted thee minutes: I got the contract.

I had a phone interview in car on the side of the road, it lasted five minutes: I got the contract.

Interview at client co, I was delayed and arrived an hour late, it lasted one hour and they were happy that I would work odd hours in order to get the project done: I got the contract.

Interview at client co, I was on the train, on the day of 7/7 I could not get to RBS so I phoned and told them why there was a delay. They were off handed and didn’t believe the excuse. Did not get the contract.

[jmo21]

Interviewer: "Now, could you describe yourself in three words for me?"

Me: "Lazy."

My boss at last permie job did a telephone interview with bob and asked the classic "tell me about your weaknesses"

Bob replied "well, sometimes I'm a little bit lazy".

My boss did the needful, and didn't hire him.

[darmstadt]

Interviewer: "Now, could you describe yourself in three words for me?"

Me: "Lazy."

[thunderlizard]

Me, "I meant tenacious". He just laughed for a while. Agent said to me "Never mind, he may have thought you had personality".

I didn't get the job.

And you just left it at that..?

[stek]

Not quite a cringeworthy answer...but rather an action. Although I'm sure I have given a few cringeworthy answers too in my time.

I'm sure i'm not the only one here to do it, but I had an interview today and went to the wrong bloody site. Potential clientco have two sites about 15 miles apart and most of the documentation has the address of their main site...which is the one I plugged into the GPS and went to. Unfortunately, the interview was 15 miles away in the shed they keep the geeky ones in. Balls.

Quickest 15 miles I have done and the receptionist phoned through to say I was on my way but turning up late. Still quite embarassing.

I did that quite recently at Agfa in Brentford - looked at Google streetview, saw the Agfa logo on the building - sorted not problem. Mosied down, lazily stopped off at a McD's in the area for a quick one, after that Chiswick Flyover roundabout nonsense, got to the 'site' parked in 'AGFA Visitor' space, leisurely walked around to reception and asked for the contact.

"Oh no - this isn't Afga any more, they moved across the way, over there' think it was called 'Business one' or something and I could walk there in one minute, but no, the biatch threatened me with a good clamping so I had to drive.

Westwards, and turn back, no problem. Except I missed the lane, ended up on M4 proper and drove miles and miles to find the next exit, 15 miles at least, turned came back, missed the fecking turn off the car park, so parked on the exit ramp and pleaded.

Got in, one minute to spare, sweating like a pig and flustered to buggery.

Didn't get the job, second interview too, first one was in Leeds, permie so doesn't count against my 100% contract interview success rate.

[conned tractor]

Not quite a cringeworthy answer...but rather an action. Although I'm sure I have given a few cringeworthy answers too in my time.

I'm sure i'm not the only one here to do it, but I had an interview today and went to the wrong bloody site. Potential clientco have two sites about 15 miles apart and most of the documentation has the address of their main site...which is the one I plugged into the GPS and went to. Unfortunately, the interview was 15 miles away in the shed they keep the geeky ones in. Balls.

Quickest 15 miles I have done and the receptionist phoned through to say I was on my way but turning up late. Still quite embarassing.

[OwlHoot]

Absolutely.

So what happens if the interviewer isn't a mason? A weird crooked finger handshake would seem a bit creepy then.

[Churchill]

WSES

I've realised for a while that in an interview, the interviewer spends the entire time trying to look for reasons why his/her initial judgement upon meeting you was the correct one to make.

Cock up the first 30 seconds and you've got an up hill struggle.

The right handshake and a little bit of pre-interview banter on the way from reception to interview room will get you a long way

Absolutely.

[northernrampage]

On a phone interview the interviewer asked me to describe myself. I said "Tenuous". Short pause.

Me, "I meant tenacious". He just laughed for a while. Agent said to me "Never mind, he may have thought you had personality".

I didn't get the job.

[realityhack]

Oh I don't know - it's less like Trainspotting and more like Office Space.

[Scene The interview room.]

BOB PORTER
The next paper looks like a Peter Gibbons.

Peter enters.

BOB SLYDELL
Aha! All right. We were just talking about you. You must be Peter
Gibbons. Uh huh. Terrific. I'm Bob Slydell and this is my associate,
Bob Porter.

PETER
Hi, Bob. Bob.

BOB PORTER
Why don't you grab a seat and join us for a minute?

He does so.

BOB SLYDELL
Y'see, what we're trying to do here, we're just trying to get a feel
for how people spend their day. So, if you would, would you just walk
us through a typical day for you?

PETER
Yeah.

BOB SLYDELL
Great.

PETER
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. I use the side
door, that way Lumbergh can't see me. Uh, and after that, I just sorta
space out for about an hour.

BOB PORTER
Space out?

PETER
Yeah. I just stare at my desk but it looks like I'm working. I do that
for probably another hour after lunch too. I'd probably, say, in a
given week, I probably do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.

BOB SLYDELL
Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport and indulge us and tell us a
little more?

PETER
Let me tell you something about TPS reports...'

Cut to later. Peter is more relaxed.

PETER
The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's just that I just don't
care.

BOB PORTER
Don't, don't care?

PETER
It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I work my ass off and
Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime. So where's
the motivation? And here's another thing, Bob. I have eight different
bosses right now!

BOB SLYDELL
I beg your pardon?

PETER
Eight bosses.

BOB SLYDELL
Eight?

PETER
Eight, bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different
people coming by to tell me about it. That's my real motivation - is
not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job, but y'know, Bob,
it will only make someone work hard enough not to get fired.

BOB SLYDELL
Bear with me for a minute.

PETER
Ok.

BOB SLYDELL
Believe me, this is hypocritical. But what if you were offered some
kind of stock option and equity sharing program?

PETER
I don't know. I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice
talking to you guys.

He shakes their hands.

BOB SLYDELL
Absolutely. It's all on this side of the table, trust me.

PETER
Good luck with your layoffs. I hope your firings go really well.

BOB SLYDELL
Wow.

[amcdonald]

Definitely. I've had the most success at negotiations/meetings/interviews when I honestly couldn't care less either way, and was straight down the line & to the point with q&a.

That's the worst thing getting a gig only because you didn't care if you got so they thing you're confident, like a reverse trainspotting effect

Its the same on client sites when you're bored and want another contract and you start being too truthfull, the next thing you know and they're trying to muscle you into a permie role

[stek]

I had a mate who was asked;

"What do you like about the environment here?"

He said, "I like the way everyone here is on first name terms, like, errr, whatsisname said.."

He got the job and went for a few pints with his new bosses afterwards, talking to the MD, raised his pint to his lips speaking eloquently about some corporate bullshiite or other, only to see his tie dangling in it...

[realityhack]

Definitely. I've had the most success at negotiations/meetings/interviews when I honestly couldn't care less either way, and was straight down the line & to the point with q&a.