Reply to: Characters in your office

[Mich the Tester]

My dad, grumpy old bugger that he is, is very anti farting.

Next time, try to get cause and effect the right way round.








parp...pfff...ahhh

[BoredBloke]

A few years ago, I had a guy who came and sat opposite me and guffed in a very forced manner several times a day. He would lift himself off his chair and strain. The worst thing was that he would look for a reaction and, since I was opposite him, that was supposed to come from me. I learned just not to make eye contact with him after these revolting events as he'd always deliver a one line along the lines of "better out than in" etc & then I was supposed to laugh.

My dad, grumpy old bugger that he is, is very anti farting. He was working in a project office when this guy wandered past his desk and farted. He lept from his chair and dragged him out of the office and pushed him towards the toilets shouting. "I don't want to have to smell your tulip you dirty little b@st@rd" He had a way with words - the guy never did it again near my dad! As kids he'd make us go to the loo if we farted. I could never see the point as the gas was out - I think he always assoiciated having a fart with needing a dump.

[RichardCranium]

I had a guy who sat opposite me and guffed in a very forced manner several times a day. He would lift himself off his chair and strain. He'd always deliver a one line along the lines of "better out than in" etc & then I was supposed to laugh.

Thick-headed fat bloke?

Did he also hum bits of tunes and then later in the day when you had started humming it take the piss out of you really loudly?

And every time he fukced something up (at least twice a day) just say "So what? tulip happens"?

[wurzel]

A few years ago, I had a guy who came and sat opposite me and guffed in a very forced manner several times a day. He would lift himself off his chair and strain. The worst thing was that he would look for a reaction and, since I was opposite him, that was supposed to come from me. I learned just not to make eye contact with him after these revolting events as he'd always deliver a one line along the lines of "better out than in" etc & then I was supposed to laugh.

Eventually, I got so pissed off I just went to the MD's office and told her in no uncertain terms that I'd had enough of this man and his flatulence & that I expected to share my work space with a professional, not a fat farting bumpkin.

Still, he was from Weston, what did I expect?

[MaryPoppins]

I will admit RC, I'm laughing.

[Cliphead]

RC if that's true, I need to know the story please.

CH, I was very confused then. I was thinking artist as in like, pop star. So you got your langer out and someone painted a picture of it?!

Yeah, nekkid lying on a bed. She was very generous.

[RichardCranium]

RC if that's true, I need to know the story please.

I was absolutely sure I had posted this before, but I cannot find it. So here it is 'again'.


Many, many moons ago when I was a permie and manager of a dev team and a support team, my girlfriend bought me some pressies for Valentine's Day. She had bought me love heart socks and boxer shorts. So I went in to work on 14th Feb wearing them.

I was sat with my feet on my desk, as is my wont, when someone commented on the socks. I said I had the matching boxer shorts and the team demanded I prove it. So I got up, wandered to the centre of the office and in front of 12 staff and my line manager, dropped my trousers and pulled up my shirt as everyone gathered round.

Now, as a first time wearer of boxer shorts, I did not appreciate they do not provide the same degree of 'containment' as my usual Y-fronts. I discovered the difference when my Senior Programmer burst into laughter and pointed.

It was when the others joined in laughing I started to wonder what was up; I looked down and realised I was exhibiting my flaccid manhood to the assembled throng.

Instead of laughing, she could have had the decency to pretend to be shocked.

To my everlasting gratitude, over the following years I managed those people, they never brought the matter up more than once a week.

[Platypus]

I once showed my willy to the office.

I didn't mean to, your Honour.

Ftfy

[MaryPoppins]

RC if that's true, I need to know the story please.

CH, I was very confused then. I was thinking artist as in like, pop star. So you got your langer out and someone painted a picture of it?!

[Cliphead]

I once posed for a rather famous female artist. She was very talented and the likeness was amazing. Was a bit disconcerting to 1) see the finished work hanging in a gallery. 2) On the opening night jam packed full of people who all recognised me from the painting.

Somebody somewhere has that hanging on a wall. <shudder>.

[RichardCranium]

I showed my bum to half the office without realising, so don't feel too bad.

I once showed my willy to the office.

I didn't mean to.

[Cliphead]

I think I posted about it - open plan office with small kitchen at one end. Came from loo and went straight to fridge. Bent down for milk, made tea, a lady I didn't know told me haltingly that my skirt was tucked into my kecks.

I think I even admitted to the fact that as my tights were too baggy, I was wearing a second pair of pants, over the top of my tights. Full size purple pants. Lots of people suggested stockings, as if I have time for that sort of malarky.

[MaryPoppins]

Ooh, a story there

I think I posted about it - open plan office with small kitchen at one end. Came from loo and went straight to fridge. Bent down for milk, made tea, a lady I didn't know told me haltingly that my skirt was tucked into my kecks.

I think I even admitted to the fact that as my tights were too baggy, I was wearing a second pair of pants, over the top of my tights. Full size purple pants. Lots of people suggested stockings, as if I have time for that sort of malarky.

[Cliphead]

I showed my bum to half the office without realising, so don't feel too bad. I hope you brazened the inside out top and pretended it was meant to be like that.

Ooh, a story there

[MaryPoppins]

We've got a Gimli too - he's quite sweet though.

Then there's the woman who turned up on Monday with Weetabix down her jumper. Half way through the morning she realised, so removed the offending garment to reveal her blouse on inside out. Oh. That was me...

I showed my bum to half the office without realising, so don't feel too bad. I hope you brazened the inside out top and pretended it was meant to be like that.