A Bird in a bird in a bird

[suityou01]

Thought this was a porn thread.

[MarillionFan]

How'd you know that MF?

Your sister told me...

[Ruprect]

You'd be amazed what you can stuff in a bird if you've got a big cock.

How'd you know that MF?

[MarillionFan]

How the heck do you get a turkey inside a duck, when the duck is significantly smaller, and the turkey is even more bloated by containing a guinea fowl? .

You'd be amazed what you can stuff in a bird if you've got a big cock.

[Troll]

It's not one each troll, you cut it up into portions!

Don't know why but this old Python scene springs to mind

Praline: Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad. We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entified The Whizzo Quality Assortment.

Milton: Ah, yes.

Praline: (producing box of chocolates) If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the cherry fondue. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.

Milton: Agreed.

Praline: Next we have number four, 'crunchy frog'.

Milton: Ah, yes.

Praline: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?

Milton: Yes. A little one.

Praline: What sort of frog?

Milton: A dead frog.

Praline: Is it cooked?

Milton: No.

Praline: What, a raw frog?

(Superintendent Parrot looks increasingly queasy.)

Milton: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Praline: That's as maybe, it's still a frog.

Milton: What else?

Praline: Well don't you even take the bones out?

Milton: If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy would it?

Praline: Superintendent Parrot ate one of those.

Parrot: Excuse me a moment. (exits hurriedly)

Milton: It says 'crunchy frog' quite clearly.

Praline: Well, the superintendent thought it was an almond whirl. People won't expect there to be a frog in there. They're bound to think it's some form of mock frog.

Milton: (insulted) Mock frog? We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!

Praline: Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words 'crunchy frog', and replace them with the legend 'crunchy raw unboned real dead frog', if you want to avoid prosecution.

Milton: What about our sales?

Praline: I'm not interested in your sales, I have to protect the general public. Now how about this one. (superintendent enters) It was number five, wasn't it? (superintendent nods) Number five, ram's bladder cup. (exit superintendent) What kind of confection is this?

Milton: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark's vomit.

Praline: Lark's vomit?

Milton: Correct.

Praline: Well it don't say nothing about that here.

Milton: Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.

Praline: (looking) Well I hardly think this is good enough. I think it would be more appropriate if the box bore a large red label warning lark's vomit.

Milton: Our sales would plummet.

Praline: Well why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionery, like praline or lime cream; a very popular flavour I'm led to understand. (superintendent enters) I mean look at this one, 'cockroach cluster', (superintendent exits) 'anthrax ripple'. What's this one, 'spring surprise'?

Milton: Ah - now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it in your mouth steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through-both cheeks.

Praline: Well where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced. In any case this is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.

[kandr]

Thought this was a porn thread.

[Moscow Mule]

Sounds like gluttony to me..

It's not one each troll, you cut it up into portions!

[Troll]

Sounds like gluttony to me..

[Moscow Mule]

I still think it's a daft idea though. Surely all the bones must complicate things enormously.

Mother is bringing one for us to eat this year. Apparently the butcher takes all the bones out of it for you and rolls the whole thing up. Looking forward too it.

[OwlHoot]

Like this one here

Anyone try it before? I was thinking for Christmas lunch, dinner, boxing day breakfast, lunch, dinner etc etc at SY01 Towers.

Is it worth it? Will it fit in a conventional oven? What are the pitfalls? What are the cooking times

How the heck do you get a turkey inside a duck, when the duck is significantly smaller, and the turkey is even more bloated by containing a guinea fowl?

Probably a more practical sequence, from the inside out, would be duck, turkey, and goose.

I still think it's a daft idea though. Surely all the bones must complicate things enormously.

[suityou01]

I watched river cottage a couple of years ago when huge feathery-whippingtool did 10 birds in a bird, took about 24 hours to cook and required an industrial oven. Does that help?

[Ruprect]

Like this one here

Anyone try it before? I was thinking for Christmas lunch, dinner, boxing day breakfast, lunch, dinner etc etc at SY01 Towers.

Is it worth it? Will it fit in a conventional oven? What are the pitfalls? What are the cooking times

I watched river cottage a couple of years ago when huge feathery-whippingtool did 10 birds in a bird, took about 24 hours to cook and required an industrial oven. Does that help?

[suityou01]

Like this one here

Anyone try it before? I was thinking for Christmas lunch, dinner, boxing day breakfast, lunch, dinner etc etc at SY01 Towers.

Is it worth it? Will it fit in a conventional oven? What are the pitfalls? What are the cooking times