Where's me laptop?!

[Sysman]

I did 9 months on site where I was saddled with 2 desktops I would have been ashamed to provide to a user 10 years previously.
In fact I remembered scrapping similar machines a decade before.

That reminds me of the ancient clientco PC which didn't have enough RAM to do a pivot table. I wrote a bit of COBOL to do it. I would have taken my laptop in for the job but that was a no-no.

Firing up MS Project or Excel was a job of click the icon, make some coffee, have a 2 hour meeting and by the time I got back it might have started the app. I rebooted the PCs about 4 times in 9 months.

I used to curse Microsoft on a regular basis for their recommendations for the RAM required, because that is all the bean counters would spring for. I always made sure that my own systems had plenty more.

I offered several times to provide usable kit and even leave it after the contract was over (secure site) as I lacked the tools to do the job effectively, but they politely declined...

Good place, interesting projects, great people, but ye gods the tools were bog useless

The first thing I noticed about working in Europe was the comparative ease of getting the right tools for the job. Things like source code control software which we take for granted nowadays - most of my clientcos in the UK had rolled their own rather than spring for the real McCoy.

[Ignis Fatuus]

Just started a new 3 month gig. Offered to use my own laptop, but no, they insist i use one of theirs. They have managed to find an old tulipty one with a small screen, the mouse pointer randomly moves to the side of the screen, and i don't have any admin rights to install software.

It's driving me up the fooking wall!! All i have on there is Putty to ssh to a shared development environment.

If all you use is Putty, why do you care what the mouse pointer does?

[Mich the Tester]

It is the habit of clientcos to do everything in their power to prevent contractors or highly paid employees doing anything profitable or efficient. It is the duty of contractors to shut up, avoid complaining and send invoices regardless. If clientco wants to waste my time, fine, as long as they pay.

I was once at a government gig where they'd got a support contract for Oracle DBA work with IBM. Seeing as they had a cheapo 'bronze SLA' and IBM were pissed that they hadn't bought DB2, getting any minor DBA work done took weeks. I once needed an oracle initialisation file changing and a restart, as the wrong file had been delivered by the 'system integrator' (Crap G, if that isn't giving too much away); I could do it myself by hand, but for some reason Oracle wouldn't read the file if it wasn't made by 'Oracle Enterprise Manager'. So I phoned the DBA chappy at IBM, and he said he wasn't authorised to use 'Oracle Enterprise Manager' because he isn't a manager; he was an Oracle certified DBA and his manager wasn't, but that's besides the point. His manager, who was the only person authorised to use the tool, was on 6 weeks leave, starting that day. I spoke to the project manager, who was also a contractor and was sick to the back teeth with this crap, and he instructed me to 'spend the next 6 weeks pissing around on the internet and looking busy'. It was then that I discovered CUK.

[Cliphead]

At one ClientCo in Europe I was asked on day one what kit I would like. Jokingly I asked for a Toshiba laptop (top of the range at the time), top spec desktop, some species of Mac and a Sun Sparc.

Within the week they were all delivered to my office with all the software I'd requested which included Quake and some other games

They even let me keep the laptop when I finished the gig. The good old days...

[lukemg]

phonesarentforyou - ancient warehouse 'converted' into office space, freezing in winter, roasting in summer. bogs hadn't been upgraded from original use. desks barely big enough to take a PC + an A4 pad, in long rows so close together that anyone further down the row walking past (the only way out) would bump every chair - which were the cheapest most uncomfortable variety, I was in pain for 3 weeks till my body 'adapted'.
This was just the workplace - the working environment was even worse !

[Peoplesoft bloke]

Where's me -

Laptop/Desktop

Desk

Access to the fookin building

Chair

Daylight (missing at most gigs these days)

Parking space (don't make me laugh)

Login




Things hit a particular low at one clientco when they changed all the keycard access systems so us lowly contract worms couldn't get through the door that led to the latrines. Thankfully they had a wargame going on so we could go outside and round to the portable toilets they'd shipped in for the brass from other nations. Sadly it didn't last. In the end the only bogs I could get to were the visitors ones downstairs and every time I went for a slash I got told off by the hatchet-faced dragon of a receptionist.

The canteen at another clientco was also fairly tulipe - we got waylayed solved some problem or other and the permie I was working with took me over there. We arrived at about 13:45 to be greeted by a hideous old Harridan whoose opening gambit was "I hope you haven't come in here wanting food".

[TykeMerc]

I did 9 months on site where I was saddled with 2 desktops I would have been ashamed to provide to a user 10 years previously.
In fact I remembered scrapping similar machines a decade before.

Firing up MS Project or Excel was a job of click the icon, make some coffee, have a 2 hour meeting and by the time I got back it might have started the app. I rebooted the PCs about 4 times in 9 months.

I offered several times to provide usable kit and even leave it after the contract was over (secure site) as I lacked the tools to do the job effectively, but they politely declined...

Good place, interesting projects, great people, but ye gods the tools were bog useless

[MarillionFan]

I seem to be collecting bloody laptops at the moment.

Finished with clientco one two weeks ago still have their mobile phone, bag and top of the range laptop, software & all the deliverables. I copied a load to their sharepoint on the last day. Didnt have a handover or even see anyone for the last week. Now working at clientco 2 where they've given me the most ridiculous laptop but no bag/mouse. So just using clientco ones equipment at clientco two.

I am assuming that clientco one is going to get in touch at some point!

[Cliphead]

Invoiced from home for six months waiting for the project to start. Could write a book about that one.

[Zippy]

Yes, I have a very similar story. I managed to invoice for just over 3 months.

[alreadypacked]

Rant over!! Anyone with nightmare stories?

Everyone, how many do you want

[kingcook]

Just started a new 3 month gig. Offered to use my own laptop, but no, they insist i use one of theirs. They have managed to find an old tulipty one with a small screen, the mouse pointer randomly moves to the side of the screen, and i don't have any admin rights to install software.

It's driving me up the fooking wall!! All i have on there is Putty to ssh to a shared development environment. There is no source code control either!!!

Now they want some job finished by the end of this week, even though i have told them a need a decent laptop.... ooooh and i don't even have a login right now. Currently using someone elses.

Rant over!! Anyone with nightmare stories?