Reply to: You have hemorrhoids, what do you do?

[TimberWolf]

Use some of the superbly-titled Preparation H.

Marketing genius.

Phew, they link them with constipation. Something I've never experienced despite being a salad dodger.

[Paddy]

Use some of the superbly-titled Preparation H.

Marketing genius.

I wonder if they have a similar animation for Thrush Cream

[moorfield]

Use some of the superbly-titled Preparation H.

Marketing genius.

[Wilmslow]

She once had to swab a bloke's helmet after he had went at it with a cheese grater.

Reminds me of when I worked in an A&E unit.

This bloke trapped his helmet in his trouser zip and came into A&E in complete agony.

Stitches were needed.

Because of where it was, the stitches would be as painful as the loco jab.

Therefore, the surgeon had to just go for it.

He said the immortal words “This is going to hurt you a lot more than it will me”.

Poor chap half laughing, half crying, with an audience of all of the A&E staff – woman rubbing their hands in glee, blokes wincing……..

[suityou01]

I suffered from them from an early age and nothing seemed to cure the problem. It got to the point that I had the same symptoms of bowel cancer so the full operation was needed. In basic terms it meant cutting open the arse hole, bypassing and removing a vein and cleaning up my arse to make it porn-star quality. The surgeon was really good and had a sense of humour. I was on a Morphine drip and then a Paracetamol drip for days after. Following that it was two weeks of agony (like giving birth for two weeks) using a mix of pain killers.

Well worth it though as I can make some great turds that previously would have been impossible. Unfortunately I have not had any booking for my porn-star arse.

So you tout it on here?
I'll lay odds the first PM is from DP or MF.

[Paddy]

I suffered from them from an early age and nothing seemed to cure the problem. It got to the point that I had the same symptoms of bowel cancer so the full operation was needed. In basic terms it meant cutting open the arse hole, bypassing and removing a vein and cleaning up my arse to make it porn-star quality. The surgeon was really good and had a sense of humour. I was on a Morphine drip and then a Paracetamol drip for days after. Following that it was two weeks of agony (like giving birth for two weeks) using a mix of pain killers.

Well worth it though as I can make some great turds that previously would have been impossible. Unfortunately I have not had any booking for my porn-star arse.

[OwlHoot]

A. Go and see your Doctor
B. Cut them off with a stanley knife
C. Wrap an elastic band round them.

As I was drinking that nice cosecha with the pasta I made tonight I was told that some people think that C then B then A is the correct route to resolving the problem of piles. Ruined my dinner. WTF is wrong with people?

Prevention is better than cure - For a start, avoid anything with gritty, particulate bits, such as pepper or filter coffee.

[bumgardner]

A. Go and see your Doctor
B. Cut them off with a stanley knife
C. Wrap an elastic band round them.

As I was drinking that nice cosecha with the pasta I made tonight I was told that some people think that C then B then A is the correct route to resolving the problem of piles. Ruined my dinner. WTF is wrong with people?

sure sure. Minestrone has a case of the "Rockford files". It does explain a lot.

[suityou01]

A. Go and see your Doctor
B. Cut them off with a stanley knife
C. Wrap an elastic band round them.

As I was drinking that nice cosecha with the pasta I made tonight I was told that some people think that C then B then A is the correct route to resolving the problem of piles. Ruined my dinner. WTF is wrong with people?

Sit on your shoes.

HTH

[Zippy]

Unfortunately I live with a doctor.

Someone had to remove the elastic band

Is your missus American? I thought it was spelled haemorrhoid over here?
I used to work with a bloke who had 'the operaton' too. Whatever they used to seal 'em off came loose in the night and he lost loads of blood. It was one of his favourite anecdotes
I don't sit on cold surfaces anymore

[Boudica]

She once had to swab a bloke's helmet after he had went at it with a cheese grater.

the ultimate mark of an insecure man who has a small willy

...his mrs is a doctor

[minestrone]

She once had to swab a bloke's helmet after he had went at it with a cheese grater.

[minestrone]

No idea. Never had them or met anyone with them!

Unfortunately I live with a doctor.

Someone had to remove the elastic band

[BolshieBastard]

A. Go and see your Doctor
B. Cut them off with a stanley knife
C. Wrap an elastic band round them.

As I was drinking that nice cosecha with the pasta I made tonight I was told that some people think that C then B then A is the correct route to resolving the problem of piles. Ruined my dinner. WTF is wrong with people?

You missed the obvious! DON'T squeeze!

Seriously, I know someone who had 'the operation' to cure haemerrhoids (sp?).

He said it was like tulipting a boulder for at least 10 days afterwards. Said he should have ate soups for a fortnight instead of normal food.

[MarillionFan]

No idea. Never had them or met anyone with them!