So how would you fix this pesky oil leak?

[stek]

Look it cant be that difficult. The Beatles worked out how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall for goodness sakes!

Can't we just phone Paul???

Paul died in 1969, and was replaced with a looky-soundy-likey - everyone knows that...

[MarillionFan]

Look it cant be that difficult. The Beatles worked out how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall for goodness sakes!

Can't we just phone Paul???

[gingerjedi]

One of Bridget Nielsons tampons should do the trick.

[moorfield]

Have they tried firing Bobs at it yet? Quickness AND cheapness.

[TimberWolf]

This is a job for Hiram Hackenbacker.


Or Bob.

Or Harry Stamper.

[TimberWolf]

Why aren't people out there making their fortunes collecting free oil? No digging required.

[HairyArsedBloke]

This is a job for Hiram Hackenbacker.


Or Bob.

[OwlHoot]

I'd wedge MarillionFan inside the leaking pipe. Given the ever-growing size of the chip on his shoulder it could possibly be a permanent solution.

Didn't MF once mention wearing Doc Martens? If so, and you pop him in upside down, they'd grip the sides nicely.

Yea, that works for me, technically.

[MarillionFan]

Why not boat some scousers over with gerry cans.

[stek]

Why don't they just get another Oil Rig and attach it to the pipe?

Next week I'll be showing you how to construct a box-girder bridge and Alan will be showing you how to reconcile the Russians and the Chinese....

[DiscoStu]

I'd wedge MarillionFan inside the leaking pipe. Given the ever-growing size of the chip on his shoulder it could possibly be a permanent solution.

[OwlHoot]

It'll take months to drill a pressure relief well, which I believe is currently in progress, and maybe that is the only sound solution.

But any ideas how to plug the 21" pipe at the surface, bearing in mind that it is jagged and bent round the top and may be on a tangled superstructure rather than a flat sea bed.

Also, the sea bed probably comprises hundreds of feet of mud, maybe thousands, before hitting bedrock. That suggests a simplistic solution involving sand bags, or suchlike, piled over it probably won't work because the oil (which is under huge pressure - several tons per square inch) will creep round underneath and seep out of the sides as fast as ever.

Explosive techniques probably won't work either, as they risk shattering the pipe further down, and again simply spreading the leak. With a combustion-based method, such as a thermite reaction using powered ferric oxide and aluminium, one runs into the problem of steam, which would probably blast apart the ingredients (and again damage the pipe) before they could set.

The only practical scheme I can think of is to construct a kind of double-ended titanium umbrella (without the fabric), and lower this into the pipe. The lower, upward pointing, spokes would have a fully extended diameter (not attained) of slightly more than the pipe's and they would be diamond tipped, so that when opened they would dig into the sides of the pipe to lock the contraption in place. The force for this would be provided by the resistance of the upper spokes against the upwelling oil.

That wouldn't seal the pipe entirely. But it would reduce the flow, and would be a firm "plug" to hold anything such as expanding foam beneath it, or an inflatable nylon "balloon" around the stem of the gadget itself, or a tulip-petal-like arrangement of titanium flaps that could twist open and further obstruct the flow.