Reply to: Man catches carp the weight of Kylie Minogue

[DiscoStu]

Interesting concept.

I was thinking more along the lines of the number of pints needed to find someone attractive enough to want to shag - the less attractive the bird the more pints you need.

It assumes the Kylie standard is zero pints, which using my formula works out to 1.0 Kylies, and a 5-pinter would be 0.166 Kylies. Zero Kylies would be an infinite amount of pints.

Or something like that. I need to get out more.

[Doggy Styles]

Kylie = 1 / (1 + Kylies)

Interesting concept.

I was thinking more along the lines of the number of pints needed to find someone attractive enough to want to shag - the less attractive the bird the more pints you need.

It assumes the Kylie standard is zero pints, which using my formula works out to 1.0 Kylies, and a 5-pinter would be 0.166 Kylies. Zero Kylies would be an infinite amount of pints.

Or something like that. I need to get out more.

[RichardCranium]

Ah I see, a GENERAL law of physical attraction. So do we have the basis of a formula here, something like:

w = 1/(1+pints) ?

Kylie = 1 / (1 + Kylies)

[Doggy Styles]

Well, if the bum men see a bum and the boob men see boobies (and, wearing my rose-tinted pince-nez, it looks like a gentleman's clockweights) that suggests it is a suitable symbol for the Kylie general purpose unit of measurement - all things to all men.

Ah I see, a GENERAL law of physical attraction. So do we have the basis of a formula here, something like:

w = 1/(1+pints) ?

[RichardCranium]

Good work RC. I'm probably a bit perverse though, because every time I look at that I see tits.

Well, if the bum men see a bum and the boob men see boobies (and, wearing my rose-tinted pince-nez, it looks like a gentleman's clockweights) that suggests it is a suitable symbol for the Kylie general purpose unit of measurement - all things to all men.

[Doggy Styles]

I have been worrying about the symbl to use for this new unit, the Kylie. Clearly, neither K or k are satisfactory as it would cause no end of confusion with Kelvin and kilo.

But I have been inspired by your proposal, Doggy Styles, and so may I suggest a lower-case Omega as the symbol for the Kylie: ω

Good work RC. I'm probably a bit perverse though, because every time I look at that I see tits.

What about Psi?

[Lockhouse]

The Lockhouse award for "Thread of the Day"

[RichardCranium]

The Kylie should be a unit of arse gloriosity, on a scale going from zero to 1.0

I have been worrying about the symbl to use for this new unit, the Kylie. Clearly, neither K or k are satisfactory as it would cause no end of confusion with Kelvin and kilo.

But I have been inspired by your proposal, Doggy Styles, and so may I suggest a lower-case Omega as the symbol for the Kylie: ω

[Doggy Styles]

Brit Mr Locke jumped out of his lakeside tent at 6am in temperatures of -3C to net the monster fish that tipped the scales at 94lbs.

That's not a real carp. It's one of those steroid-bloated things from fish farms.

These fish should be banned from the record books. Like Ben Johnson, Tim Montgomery and Marion Jones.

Kylie, on the other hand, has a glorious arse. The Kylie should be a unit of arse gloriosity, on a scale going from zero to 1.0

[RichardCranium]

Is there an opportunity somewhere for a hotpants measurement?Anything?

Units of curvature?

[stingman123]

Is there an opportunity somewhere for a hotpants measurement?Anything?

[VectraMan]

Is that the new unit for mass? The Kylie?

So it's Wales for area, buses for volume, football pitches for length, milliHelens for beauty and Kylies for mass.

What other units are there?

I think we should use Kylies for everything: height, length, distance, weight and mass, area, both volume AND volume. Not quite sure what constitutes 1 Kylies worth of pressure, voltage, current, flow, force, energy, or for that matter time, but I'm sure somebody could work out a reasonable method for calculating it.

I'm going to pre-empt this new world order starting tomorrow by converting my car's speedo from miles per hour to Kylies per Kylie. Who's with me?

[TimberWolf]

Is that the new unit for mass? The Kylie?

So it's Wales for area, buses for volume, football pitches for length, milliHelens for beauty and Kylies for mass.

What other units are there?

It's not as pretty as a Kylie.

[RichardCranium]

Is that the new unit for mass? The Kylie?

So it's Wales for area, buses for volume, football pitches for length, milliHelens for beauty and Kylies for mass.

What other units are there?

[TimberWolf]

The enormous mirror carp weighed the same as Kylie Minogue and beat the previous record by 3lbs.

Can it sing as well as Kylie Minogue though?