Reply to: Bullying

[mcquiggd]

My son will NOT be a victim of bullies and a system that fails to correctly handle them.

I wish you and your family good luck, eternalnomad... I had some experience of being bullied when younger but i was big and strong enough to fight back physically when required. My dad is ex army and although that has its own side effects, at least I was conditioned to fight back and then deal with the 'politics' after youd made sure you were physically safe. I had people spit on me, pick fights with me in groups when I was on my own (as my best friends were Jewish) - and they were the people I was at school with.

Kids were jealous of me as I had achieved an academic scholarship to the school. I also used to get bullied by other kids on the way to school as I had to take 40 minute bus journey each way (we had to wear a uniform, then a suit, and we stood out a mile). I had girls smoking behind me and tipping the ash onto my head on a crowded bus, as if to prove to themselves I was nothing special.

So I guess I learnt to fight, and believe me, there were many times when I had to fight with 2, 3 or even 4 guys my age at the same time. My elder brother went to the same school and started practicing Karate.

Ive looked on Friends Reunited, and it seems several of the people who were also bullied have been quite amazingly succsessful in their careers once they were recognised for their own talents. One is a published author, another a senior partner at a law firm.... several others I could mention but its late...

First and foremost, your son needs to defend himself - and then you and your good lady will defend him against the school if need be. I think a £50 solicitors letter to the headmaster/headmistress, copied to the LEA, asking them to detail the action they have taken against the repeated bullying of your son, detailing dates and nature of each incident, might make him / her take notice....

In many ways you need to apply your business experience to dealing with schools these days... they are just as politicised as your average messed-up company.

[Dundeegeorge]

The true message of Christ

be nice to people and you'll be nailed to a tree.
Well, it's a free country (almost) and you're entitled to seek your pleasure as you may, but it's not something I'll be embracing anytime soon, thanks all the same.

[Xerxes]

I agree with Xerxes. Jesus would not have retaliated with violence no matter what the provocation.

At last, someone who appreciates the true message of Christ, and does not seek to pervert it to their own bigoted agenda.

[Captain Jack]

Remind me again what happened to him.

He was nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be if we were all nice to each other for a change.

[Dundeegeorge]

That's right, He wouldn't

I agree with Xerxes. Jesus would not have retaliated with violence no matter what the provocation.

Remind me again what happened to him.

[Captain Jack]

No, you should embrace the bully and show them through your love that there is a better way. It takes real guts and bravery to do that, not the fake and fleeting sort given by the satisfaction of a quick smack in the mouth. Lead by christian example is my motto.

I agree with Xerxes. Jesus would not have retaliated with violence no matter what the provocation.

[wendigo100]

Excellent eternaloptimist.

I think responding with violence should be a last resort, but needs to be done sometimes. To this end my kids have been studying Taekwondo for the past three years.

However, you can't always start swinging. My daughter has been getting some verbal bullying but luckily, being very shy, thumping the perpetrators is the last thing she wants to do. So she reported it to her head of year, and as her school takes these things seriously it has taken steps.

On the other hand, my son came home last night saying that a lad in his year has threatened him, and that he was looking forward to defending himself. We told him to report it first.

[Xerxes]

Hear, hear eternalnomad. Parents of bullies are sending their kids without any respect for others and authority. What sort of society have we become? A 7 year old telling a teacher to f off? A 7 year old!!! Punching other kids ? What? How? Why? When? It makes my blood boil.

No, you should embrace the bully and show them through your love that there is a better way. It takes real guts and bravery to do that, not the fake and fleeting sort given by the satisfaction of a quick smack in the mouth. Lead by christian example is my motto.

[Chico]

Hear, hear eternalnomad. Parents of bullies are sending their kids without any respect for others and authority. What sort of society have we become? A 7 year old telling a teacher to f off? A 7 year old!!! Punching other kids ? What? How? Why? When? It makes my blood boil.

[eternalnomad]

this is a very 'timely' thread.

At the start of the new school year my son's class had a new starter.

From day one the other parents were telling my wife stories about the new lads general behaviour including bullying other kids plus incidents such as telling his teacher to 'F off' in front of the whole class of his peers of 7 year olds

For the past few weeks the lad has focussed his attention on my 7 year old son.

It started with 'horseplay' like throwing my lads undies in the water during swimming lessons, quickly escalated to busting his lip and now him now taking great delight in smacking my son in the balls on an almost daily basis.

My son and wife raised the issues on several occassions with the school teacher and headmistress, they took no action whatsoever - just telling us that the lad had 'some problems' - my wife also spoke with the lads dad who seemed totally disinterested and was quite rude to my wife (which I intend to 'discuss' ( ) with him this coming Friday )

Last Friday my son was unusally sad and I knew the bullying was now getting him down so a 'dad-to-son' talk seemed appropriate.

Yesterday the lad once again hit my son in his balls.....my son punched him with a beautiful smack on his nose (according to the dinner lady that we are friends with it was a superb punch for such a young lad and the bully didnt know what to do apart from run crying to the teacher)

Shock horror....the school teacher and headmistress wanted to speak with my wife after school yesterday to 'discuss' the incident. Unfortunately for them my wife was on top form (God help them !!) and recalled all the times she had spoken with them asking for them to take action and them having done sweet FA.

My wife made it clear that our son has our full support and instructions to retaliate with fistycuffs should the other lad assault him and we dont give a damn what the school rules say about retaliation.

Thanks to those who posted their stories of addressing the bullies of their own school days, it convinced me that the advise I gave my son was good.

Although I dont like violence I do think its the only message bullies understand. This was true when I was at school and contrary to what the namby-pamby do-gooder teachers think its the only true way to sort it out these days.

My son will NOT be a victim of bullies and a system that fails to correctly handle them.

[mcquiggd]

It gets worse.... the school was closely affiliated with an abbey, and we had to go there 3 times a week... and of course sing 'Jerusalem' every now and then.... it was the only hymn people put any effort into, and I have to admit it was quite stirring....

I went to a Prep school too.... sorry!

[MrsGoof]

Porter house blues eh!

[mcquiggd]

Well, my secondary school always recruited an ex Sergeant Major (in fact they had two - one a CSM)... it was the type of school that had its own rifle range. They were in charge of discpline.... I was bullied by 3 people when I was 16 and I got into a fight with them, put two down and had the other one in the corner (I played rugby for the school, and was doing circuit training and weight training - it was a bit dumb of them really). In walked Sergeant Major Nixon and shouted so loudly the windows nearly broke. He got each of us one by one into his room and took a note of our side of the story. When he figured out that I was just fighting back, he just shook my hand.

He even let me off when me and two friends painted a hammer and sickle on the schools tennis courts, and a peace sign in creosote on the headmasters lawn, the night before a General from the then British Army of the Rhine was due to fly in by helicopter and do a cadet corps inspection.... I admitted it was me and he just laughed... then said 'at least one of you lot has some balls'.

Great guy. He was once asked to give a talk to all 900+ members of the school by the headmaster, and proceeded to talk about his days as a coal miner with a tirade of expletives, with half the teachers giggling and the headmaster looking as if he was about to run away....

[John Galt]

but which buggers would you give a damn good thrashing to?
Just the bullies, or their parents too?

Just the bullies DG - parents would be a lost cause I should think

[hyperD]

I think that bullying will always exist. I think the only effective way to deal with it is to empower the victims i.e. let them know that if they let someone know what is going on somthing effective will be done about it. I would also have 2 or 3 counsellors in each school (not the airy fairy bunch you usually see but formally trained psycologists and psychiatrists) to deal not only with the victims but with the perpetrators as well. If that fails I would give the buggers a damn good thrashing

Our school use to expel persistant bullies. And inform the other local schools as well. Once the perps were shopped or caught doing the bullying they were sent to the headmaster along with the parents and often the victims parents, told in no uncertain terms that if this happens again they will be expelled with no exceptions.

And they were. And publically made examples of to the rest of the school. Great public dressing downs in assembly, like a crims hall of fame.

Mind you that was in the day of the slipper and the cane where even the most arduant "thug under training" had a healthy respect for some degree of authority.