Reply to: First Time Contractors - Whose Arse Do You Need to Kiss On First Day?

[RichardCranium]

favour curriers

Having to work with someone who gives out free curries? I could bear that burden!

Bring on the chutney spoon!

[Mich the Tester]

So I ve aways been a permie - My question is pretty simple

If you want to do well and succeed and have your contract renewed, what mindset does a contractor need to take?

Does he need to cut corners and deliver buggy software so you will appear busy?

Does he need to say yes to all work and just do it?

What happens if you get asked to estimate how long something will take and you cannot? Do you guess?

What qualities of a contractor really make them succeed?

Not mine. I hate arselickers, sycophants, favour curriers etc.

[slickcontractor]

The best contractor ass kisser i have worked with mingled with all the big kn0bs, and for that he got away with calling in sick and working from home and getting paid for it. He also claimed that he starts work the min he boarded the train from birmingham @ 08:00am to canary wharf. To prove this he would send an email round about that time. Strolls in close to 10am, hangs about with the big kn0bs, chases up a few updates off which he would cc the big kn0bs plus the individual asking why xyz has not been completed or why xyz was logged incorrectly. He made sure he left the premises @ 16:30pm. He would send an email at 22:30 every day and cc all the big kn0bs so they know he is working.

Fair play to the dude but for me i just come in and do my time, know the system, lay low, once in a while do the tea rounds and go to the pubs when offered. Thats as much ass kissing i can handle. If they like me all good if they dont i move on.

[Zippy]

1) Is tulip a -ing pratchett reference? Tell me The Truth now...

2) Are sock-puppets the spawn of the parasites, or the parasites themselves? Bring back Zippy and Bungo, I say.

I haven't been banned yet!

[foggo]

I love niave posts like this! They cheer up what could otherwise be tulip days and make you have a good guffaw.

1) Is tulip a -ing pratchett reference? Tell me The Truth now...

2) Are sock-puppets the spawn of the parasites, or the parasites themselves? Bring back Zippy and Bungo, I say.

[RichardCranium]

1) 9:00 Park 911 in MD's space

I left the wife's Jag in a director's secretary's space. Secretary went ballistic. Threw her the keys. She was fine after that.

3) Write application to calculate rate per second and leave running

Done that on one site. Done to upset the outsourcers who were on site. It worked.

7) Photocopy your own stuff

I love those high volume, double-sided, stapling, colour photo-copiers. I have manuals printed at ClientCo for all my games that only came with a .PDF

8) Stationery cupboard for kids stuff 100 units pens 100 units paper

You utter amateur!

[RichardCranium]

Can we keep this serious? I am all up for having a laugh and giggle but this is not the place for it

SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY please!!

Is it dark up there? Does it smell of poo? And how do you wash the tulip out of your hair?

[moorfield]

1. Whoever signs your timesheet - everyone else can go duck themselves.

WHS - That is the only person that matters.

[OwlHoot]

First day kiss the boss, tell him tongues are extra, and you won't get out of his bed for any less than a grand

*Out* of his bed? Don't you mean into his bed?

(Thanks for the tip though - I may try that on my next gig)

[Bagpuss]

First day kiss the boss, tell him tongues are extra, and you won't get out of his bed for any less than a grand

[suityou01]

So I ve aways been a permie - My question is pretty simple

If you want to do well and succeed and have your contract renewed, what mindset does a contractor need to take?

Does he need to cut corners and deliver buggy software so you will appear busy?

Does he need to say yes to all work and just do it?

What happens if you get asked to estimate how long something will take and you cannot? Do you guess?

What qualities of a contractor really make them succeed?

I suspect you are a sock puppet. That said, on the vague chance this is serious, take a minute to consider if you are even cut out to be a permie.

Kissing ass is rarely an attribute of a successful perm/contractor. The advice here is good. Do your job, keep your head down, tread lightly, don't be a know it all and remember to invoice on time.

I still think you are a sock puppet. Prolly belonging to Dim Prawn, as he was trolling his s/p here earlier today.

[msubhan]

1) 9:00 Park 911 in MD's space
2) Install USB cannon on desk
3) Write application to calculate rate per second and leave running
4) Bog->read newspaper
5) lunch->liquid
6) Checkout birds in office
7) Photocopy your own stuff
8) Stationary cupboard for kids stuff 100 units pens 100 units paper
9) Bog->sleep
10) Surf
11) Fill in timesheet
12) Home 17:00

has someone been spying on me?

[BrilloPad]

I love niave posts like this! They cheer up what could otherwise be tulip days and make you have a good guffaw.

Alas this thread did not turn into a party......

[BolshieBastard]

So I ve aways been a permie - My question is pretty simple

If you want to do well and succeed and have your contract renewed, what mindset does a contractor need to take?

Does he need to cut corners and deliver buggy software so you will appear busy?

Does he need to say yes to all work and just do it?

What happens if you get asked to estimate how long something will take and you cannot? Do you guess?

What qualities of a contractor really make them succeed?

I love niave posts like this! They cheer up what could otherwise be tulip days and make you have a good guffaw.

[BrilloPad]

Guys,

Can we keep this serious? I am all up for having a laugh and giggle but this is not the place for it

SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY please!!

Thats the funniest reply yet.