Originally posted by oracleslave
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As a back row forward I have spent the best part of 30 years, plus this evening's jolly fine dinner with my mate from Auckland analysing the fly half position in intricate detail, and I have come to the following conclusion;
"The primary role of the fly half is to provide the back row with a bloody good laugh"
For the opposition fly half, this is quite simple. He simply has to fumble one of those 100mph spin passes from his scrum half and the back row can have a good laugh beating him to a pulp.
For your own fly half, it's a little more complicated, but not much. He has three ways to amuse the back row;
1/ boot the ball 50 yards upfield, bouncing it into touch and thus providing us with a good laugh as we can have a scrap with the other lot at the line out and put the tulips up their fly half as he gets a spin pass on his own try line.
2/ Pass the ball out to the inside centre, who is usually a big lump who'd rather play in the back row, who crashes straight into the opposition and sets up a ruck, thus allowing the back row to have a bloody good laugh trampling all over some silly sod who's lying on the ground wearing the wrong coloured shirt
3/ Pass the ball inside to the back row, then we can have a damn good laugh smashing into the opposition fly half and you've guessed it, beating him to pulp.
JW fulfills this role almost perfectly. My one complaint is that he tackles too much, thus denying the back row the opportunity for another bloody good laugh flattening people. Oh, and the silly boy injures himself in the process.
'Creative' fly halves, on the other hand, are a pain in the arse. Off they go, three dummy passes, two double-dummy-scissors moves, two swerves and a 'sidestep' (whatever that is), confusing nobody but their own team, and if the 16 stone+ brigade aren't within one yard of them to help when they inevitably run into trouble, they whinge about the 'mobility and fitness' of the back row, who've just spent all bloody week slaving it out on rowing machines, running tracks and weights rooms achieving that oh so bloody important 15 on a bleep test.
No, 'creative´ fly halves are a bloody waste of space. JW is the fly half for the back row, and I shall raise a glass, no, a bottle, of my best Champagne when he pulls on an England shirt again.
Lets just hope Martin Johnson can put together a back row worthy of playing with the guy.
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