Top Tips.
Pass yourself off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly, or set fire to someone else's house.
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
Pretend you`re a giant panda by giving yourself two black eyes, eating only bamboo shoots and refusing to have sex with the missus.
If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
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That's my mum, and she'd rather put all that behind her thanks very much.Originally posted by MarillionFanLeave a comment:
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Anyone got any Top Tips for contractors?
As it's nearly impossible to get a space in client car parks, why not drive there in the middle of the night when it is empty, park your car in a prime position, then leave it there and go to work every day by bus?
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