Reply to: The Wheels of Justice

[Lucifer Box]

Hope she always attends to your bathing needs

Oh yes, with two of her friends chosen at random on a daily basis.

Thanks, yes, I catch your drift

[voron]

Ah, that's better. Once more I have something to aspire to

In the pic, third from right is quite nice. Hope she always attends to your bathing needs

Btw, I'm still doing the pimping here, if you follow my drift

[Lucifer Box]

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lucifer, don't destroy my illusions! You made it big in contracting and I believe you are served a feast every day by a small army of comely wenches in your hall. It's the only reason I bother to get up in the morning

Okay then, just for you we'll eat our sandwiches in the dining room tonight...



And here's my army of serving wenches waiting to leap into action when I ask for someone to pass the mustard.



Anyway, I do all the cooking in the Lucifer household as if I left it to Mrs Lucifer it would be beans on toast every night.

[voron]

the wife can have the chicken & salad sandwich for her tea when she gets home.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lucifer, don't destroy my illusions! You made it big in contracting and I believe you are served a feast every day by a small army of comely wenches in your hall. It's the only reason I bother to get up in the morning

[Lucifer Box]

So what was on the menu today, Lucifer?

Was sent home before they served up the slop, so I exchanged my £5 allowance for an egg & cress sandwich, a chicken & salad sandwich, and a banana (for which there was a 5p surcharge). Your fiver is use it or lose it you see - I ate the egg & cress sandwich (very thinly filled but passable) and the banana, and the wife can have the chicken & salad sandwich for her tea when she gets home.

[BoredBloke]

"but my father got a really intersting case of a farmworker accused of buggering his pigs"

So now you know why your bacon tastes salty!

[voron]

Menu

So what was on the menu today, Lucifer?

[Lucifer Box]

And no, LB, neither of the indequates was me... They were both my cousin Fred.

I think I understand how it goes with you guys - you share three of the same mothers, yes?

So far, so good indeed. I got a bit edgy this morning because they had two "high profile" cases starting. No idea what they were but when this happens they summon double the number of jurors (30) as it's considered more likely there will be objections from the briefs or the defendant(s), plus, of course, more likely one or more of the potential jurors will be unduly conversant with the facts of the case, influenced by irresponsible reporting prior to the case being heard, etc. I suppose, in those sort of cases, jurors who can't read might be more sought after!

[voron]

Hmmmm....it's all going a little too well. I hope they aren't going to spring a nasty surprise. Sitting around for two weeks, then at 16:59 on a Friday, big case suddenly roles in.

[Mordac]

£5 a day????

I was wondering why they haven't offshored juries to Bangalore, but if they are already that cheap in the UK, why bother?

[Lucifer Box]

What?

Didn't they know that if you're an atheist etc. you can affirm rather than take the oath?

Talk about Medieval...

Indeed, but it still requires you to be able to read the words off a card. Are you sure you weren't one of the two zeity, or are you giant alien lizards having an off day?

As you might have guessed, I've been sent home for the afternoon again as the wheels of British justice clearly don't need to crank them right now. Have to phone them at 15:30 to see if they want me to attend tomorrow.

[voron]

a man in his late 20s and a woman in her early 50s could not read and so had to repeat the oath word for word after one of the ushers.

Bloody hell, are you sure it wasn't me

[Lucifer Box]

It was a murder case of some length and complexity but what was most perplexing was the utter stupidity of the other 11 sods roped in for civic duty.

That's what shocked me too, Two Wolves, although maybe it shouldn't. On my first day I was sent down to a courtroom as one of a group of 15 jurors from which they select 12 at random (for those who've not done this before, the extra 3 are just in case anyone objects to any of the jurors). Anyways, I was not one of the 12 selected to sit on the case, but the surplus 3 stay in the courtroom while the other 12 are sworn in. Two of them, a man in his late 20s and a woman in her early 50s could not read and so had to repeat the oath word for word after one of the ushers.

[TwoWolves]

Did such a public service myself some years ago. Fortunately before I became a contractor so it was a tec-book reading holiday with extra sleeping.

It was a murder case of some length and complexity but what was most perplexing was the utter stupidity of the other 11 sods roped in for civic duty.

I can only assume that our jails are overcrowded due to non-jury trials as this lot couldn't decide which side to chew their food on without breaking into a sweat.

You have my sympathy, indeed.

[Lucifer Box]

Something that's not widely known, oddly enough, is that the jury can declare that there's no case to answer before the case starts.

Not a popular option with the judiciary though.

I'm going to put that one to the test. Presumably it has to be a unanimous decision though