Reply to: Give the ex nothing or something ?

[BrilloPad]

Split with ex of 9 years in June, she left me we weren't right for each other, it wasnt mutal at the time but I agree now it was for the best.

Anyway cut a long story short cant shift the house so I said I would take it on but not pay her anything for her share, reason being is her share is worth 0 now due to housing crash, I said I would take house on to get it over and done with. She is 32, living back at home, has no money and big debts she is now asking me for some £5k-£10k, part of me feels I should help her out but then the other part of me thinks I dont owe her anything we werent married no kids.

Do you think I should give her a few k just to get it over and done with or stand firm and tell her no, my mum recons I should give her £5k.

Have been involved in literally hundreds of cases : I can tell you categorically DO NOT PAY HER A PENNY.

For child contact cases do them yourself. For finance, unless exceptionally well advised (as I was) see a solicitor. Whatever it costs get a clean break arrangement : and make sure that if you die she cannot claim anything out of your estate (1975 matrimonial act).

And make sure you declare everything : dont give the other side any wriggle room.

[Bagpuss]

Split with ex of 9 years in June, she left me we weren't right for each other, it wasnt mutal at the time but I agree now it was for the best.

Anyway cut a long story short cant shift the house so I said I would take it on but not pay her anything for her share, reason being is her share is worth 0 now due to housing crash, I said I would take house on to get it over and done with. She is 32, living back at home, has no money and big debts she is now asking me for some £5k-£10k, part of me feels I should help her out but then the other part of me thinks I dont owe her anything we werent married no kids.

Do you think I should give her a few k just to get it over and done with or stand firm and tell her no, my mum recons I should give her £5k.

Did you have a joint mortgage, did she pay any utility bills?

Sounds like she might be entitled to something pro rata. Personally I would have given her a few K, surprised she didn't ask before. She had been paying off in effect (now anyway) your mortgage so I would. Legally, she can only get back what she has paid in plus any equity.

[Ivor Bigun]

I was told you only have to pay it on the amount I was buying her out for, so if I paid her £5k no stamp was due.

Give her nothing. She is no longer your family so **** her.
Anyway, it sounds like you have little equity in the house so you are doing her a HUGE favour by taking it on.
I would be putting it up for sale and making sure you warn her that you want recompense for any share of her Neg Equity loss.
This should be enough to ensure she gets to a solictor PDQ.
Naturallym the house won't sell. After your solicitor has sorted everything out - take it off the market and rent a few rooms out.

[Turion]

I agree with this idea. You say that she has a 2K stake in your house, but this will be nothing by August. This does not make sense because if there is a stake there then it remains, and if after another 10 years the house value has increased by 100% her 2K stake now would then in theory have a value of 4K. You need to make a full and final settlement/agreement and have it legalised IMO.

He said the house was owned 60/40. Therefore if it gains 100k in value, her share is 40% of that. He needs to get the house signed over, or if not, sold to end any possible future wrangles. The 5k could be part of the agreement. See a solicitor or draw up your own agreement and have it signed in front of witnesses.

[jmo21]

well in the current financial climate, with potential bench time ahead, its a no brainer for me

but like deano says, only OP can decide!

[deano]

if so, then yes, legally you owe her nothing, so why on earth would you give her any money?!

His conscience. After 9 years he may feel that he ought to. Or he may not.

Once the legalities are sorted it will be something that may cause feelings of regret, or a sense of justification or a simple sense of a good deed done.

It may that he has no sense of any of these, in which case he may regret giving her the money and it may bother him that he's given away the money.

It may be that he doesn't give her the money and over the years feels relieved that he has not because of how his and her lives turn out.

Many other possibilities exist. Only he can make up his mind, based on how he wants to live his life.

[Bumfluff]

Just one more point - if you weren't married and you want to change the deeds, that'll mean you have to pay a second lot of stamp duty.....

I was told you only have to pay it on the amount I was buying her out for, so if I paid her £5k no stamp was due.

[dinker]

Women are parasites, you`ll be subsidising her for the rest of your life through the tax system anyway.

[jmo21]

sorry, i'm not very clear on this - you mention an agreement drawn up, and legally you don't owe her anything

does that mean she has signed over the house already?

if so, then yes, legally you owe her nothing, so why on earth would you give her any money?!

[AtW]

He gave her about 3K and then was going to give her more money until myself and 2 other female friends who have know him the longest individually spent time talking sense into him.

So you talked him into splitting £3K among 3 of you then?

[Cyberman]

rather than listening to us lot, speak to a solicitor who will tell you your rights and what you do and don't owe your ex.

I agree with this idea. You say that she has a 2K stake in your house, but this will be nothing by August. This does not make sense because if there is a stake there then it remains, and if after another 10 years the house value has increased by 100% her 2K stake now would then in theory have a value of 4K. You need to make a full and final settlement/agreement and have it legalised IMO.

[SueEllen]

I had a mate whose girlfriend left in a similar situation.

He gave her about 3K and then was going to give her more money until myself and 2 other female friends who have know him the longest individually spent time talking sense into him. (OK one of us did threaten to get his mother involved )

Seriously you owe her nothing. She decided to walk out on you and should have known by the consequences of her actions she would be financially worse off and would have to stand on her own two feet.

[Lockhouse]

Just one more point - if you weren't married and you want to change the deeds, that'll mean you have to pay a second lot of stamp duty.....

[Bumfluff]

Were you keeping her when she was with you? I'm just wondering how she is financially worse off living with her folks than she was living with you? Doesn't she work?

I'd want to know how long she was living with you, and what she actually contributed to the house before I committed on this one.

1) If she paid half....then she gets half.
2) If she paid *bits* - like a few bills, or bought the food, i.e. yous had a workable arrangement...then it's more of a grey area.
3) If she was just a free loader riding on the back of your job - never working and never paying anything for stuff, then I'd say definately dont give her a penny! She probably left you for someone else, and that hasn't worked out.

So the grey area is the middle one...you probably wont legally have to pay her anything I bet, but you should try and use your moral guidance on this one. Listen to your mam - they're hardly ever wrong.

When I first met my now husband he was splitting from a lass who fit into category (2) - she paid very small *bits*. He gave her some cash from the house when she moved out (which he really didn't legally have to), but I always really respected him for it.

Hi,

We bought and sold two houses when we lived together, the mortgage was split 60/40 I paid 60% I paid all desposits and all the stamp duty on both properties plus all renovation costs, the bottom line figures are a total expenditure of £101k for me over the years and her £27k. In the house now though there is only £45k equity and this is dropping daily, if we sold at the best offer we have had she would owe me £ based on the agreement we had drawn up when we bought the house.

Giving her some credit she did buy stuff but mainly funiture that she is taking anyway, she did pay her way mostly but all the big bills came to me.

Legally I know where I stand and I owe her nothing, me asking the question was more a moral one than anything. I'm shifting to paying her off to be honest as others say make it a final settlement, and assign her to the past for ever.

[norrahe]

rather than listening to us lot, speak to a solicitor who will tell you your rights and what you do and don't owe your ex.