Reply to: Famine in 2009 ?

[minestrone]

I was sent to the stores as a young apprentice for just such an object. Ended up with a long stand instead.

We used to send folk for fallopian tubes.

[Archangel]

Not to mention a grappling hook that can attach to a gas?

I was sent to the stores as a young apprentice for just such an object. Ended up with a long stand instead.

[Cheshire Cat]

I don't expect famine to affect me too badly, as I've got a very small appetite.

[Doggy Styles]

That's all very well, but where are we going to borrow the money to buy a rope that goes around the equator 14,600 times and has a breaking strains of 1898x10^25 Kg?

Not to mention a grappling hook that can attach to a gas?

All right, make it a tough garden hose instead of a rope, attach an industrial-size vacuum cleaner to this end, and attach a funnel to the other.

[Mich the Tester]

That's all very well, but where are we going to borrow the money to buy a rope that goes around the equator 14,600 times and has a breaking strains of 1898x10^25 Kg?

The same place as we borrowed the money to invade two large countries, pay huge numbers of government personel, bail out some badly run banks, build a big database for the NHS and the national ID card and provide Mr Prescott with 2 Jags.

The Bank of Cloud Cuckoo Land.

[Moscow Mule]

Wouldn't it be better to fire a grappling hook at it and tug it closer so we could harness all that methane as fuel? People have won Nobel prizes for less.

That's all very well, but where are we going to borrow the money to buy a rope that goes around the equator 14,600 times and has a breaking strains of 1898x10^25 Kg?

Not to mention a grappling hook that can attach to a gas?

[Mich the Tester]

Wouldn't it be better to fire a grappling hook at it and tug it closer so we could harness all that methane as fuel? People have won Nobel prizes for less.

Hmmm, that's getting a bit over ambitious and expensive. Remember, budgets are limited by Mr Brown's credit rating. Once he's rescued another bank, built another big databasey thingummyjig and paid out all those public sector pensions, there won't be much more than 50p to pay for the jupiter mission.

[Doggy Styles]

Hmmm, this has given me an idea. We could use taxpayers’ money to fire a massive canister of compressed oxygen at jupiter and watch the bang as it hits. No real economic benefit, but it would be laugh and provide a good night’s telly.

Wouldn't it be better to fire a grappling hook at it and tug it closer so we could harness all that methane as fuel? People have won Nobel prizes for less.

[TimberWolf]

You can find out quite easily by holding a cigarette lighter to your bum and then blowing off. If the flame is blue your fart contains methane. Seeing as not all farts produced by methane farters are methane farts, you'll need to repeat the test a number of times over the course of a few weeks, while sticking to your normal diet, to ascertain whether you are a methane farter. Make your own credit crunch entertainment by inviting some friends around for a methane testing party.

It would probably be safer to do this in the bath.
Equipment: Bath, water, cup, splint/matches, gas spectrometer.

[Mich the Tester]

Gas giant Jupiter is made of methane and some other gases. It must be one of god's farts. Imagine the noise it made.

Hmmm, this has given me an idea. We could use taxpayers’ money to fire a massive canister of compressed oxygen at jupiter and watch the bang as it hits. No real economic benefit, but it would be laugh and provide a good night’s telly.

[Doggy Styles]

Gas giant Jupiter is made of methane and some other gases. It must be one of god's farts. Imagine the noise it made.

[Mich the Tester]

Apparently most of us are not methane producers anyway.

You can find out quite easily by holding a cigarette lighter to your bum and then blowing off. If the flame is blue your fart contains methane. Seeing as not all farts produced by methane farters are methane farts, you'll need to repeat the test a number of times over the course of a few weeks, while sticking to your normal diet, to ascertain whether you are a methane farter. Make your own credit crunch entertainment by inviting some friends around for a methane testing party.

[TimberWolf]

It's not so much the methane, it's the hydrogen sulphide...

Apparently most of us are not methane producers anyway.

[Mich the Tester]

Blimey! Where from?

Leeds.

[Doggy Styles]

I don’t know but I once had a vegetarian girlfriend and she could fart for England.

Blimey! Where from?