todays dail mash

[Platypus]

I prefer yesterday's:

BROWN TO GAMBLE ON YOU BEING RETARDED

If only more people could see it that way, but I suppose they're all out buying new plasma tellies for Xmas now that VAT has fallen and everyfing's cheaper innit?

[Ruprect]

I prefer yesterday's:

BROWN TO GAMBLE ON YOU BEING RETARDED

A Labour source said: "This is a defining moment for Gordon Brown. This is the moment he reveals not only how stupid he thinks you are but the pure, unbridled contempt in which he holds you.

"If we're right and you are an unbelievable moron then we should go for a general election as soon as possible in case you suddenly decide to read a book or something."

The source added: "The key thing now is to convince you that none of this was our fault and it was all those rich bastards with their fancy china and their plus fours.

[chef]

Does anyone know what, exactly, the Gov. nationalizing banks would really mean?

that they wont get turned down for loan if they ask nicely?

[Bob Dalek]

Does anyone know what, exactly, the Gov. nationalizing banks would really mean?

[chef]

"NATIONAL DEBT TO REACH CHRIST ON A BIKE

BRITAIN'S national debt will rise from No Way to Christ On A Bike, chancellor Alistair Darling announced yesterday.

In his pre-Budget report Mr Darling said that 'Sweet Jesus times require Bloody Hell measures,' adding: "Holy Living Mother of God, you will not ******* believe this."

The chancellor confirmed that next year the government would spend an extra Holy tulip, an increase of For ****'s Sake compared to 2007.

Mr Darling told the House of Commons: "Is everyone sitting down? Right. Okay. How should I put this? You know how sometimes you're in a canoe on a big river filled with turds?"

The chancellor predicted the economy would shrink by Hell's Teeth during 2009 but would then recover at a rate of Where Exactly Are You Getting That From? rising to You're Obviously Just Making This Up by the end of 2010.

Meanwhile help to pensioners and low income families would be increased by How Pathetic Is That? while VAT will be cut by Just Spend It On Booze For Christ's Sake.

Shadow chancellor George Osborne said every middle class family would be hit by an immediate tax hike of This Is Absolutely ******* Typical which could eventually rise to You've Ruined My Life, You Incompetent Bastards.

Mr Osborne insisted a Tory government would peg government spending at Hang On I'm Still Getting My Head Round This, but warned that budgets may have to be cut by Don't Worry, You'll Be Okay If You've Got Bupa."