Reply to: AtW's Book

[BrilloPad]

So you have only visited the brothels then? or come from 'down south' where you are never get further from looking at her her white shoes, plastic boobs and the gold clown dangling round the neck.....

Isn't that specifically Essex?

[zara_backdog]

Wales if you don't mind

Down south indeed

Sorry - Prehaps this is better then - although as a midland bird she could with a little lippy!!!

[Diver]

So you have only visited the brothels then? or come from 'down south' where you are never get further from looking at her her white shoes, plastic boobs and the gold clown dangling round the neck.....

Wales if you don't mind

Down south indeed

[zara_backdog]

Yeh! those midlands birds wear too much make-up

So you have only visited the brothels then? or come from 'down south' where you are never get further from looking at her her white shoes, plastic boobs and the gold clown dangling round the neck.....

[oracleslave]

Inspired by Mr Shoes in a previous thread, I think we should all have the opportunity to ghost-write AtW's soon-to-be-bestselling autobiography:

'Dances with Squirrels'

Chapter 1 - The Early Years

Hello dear reader. My name is Alexi and I am fiendish coder and all round expert in many many subjects - especially economics.

This is the first page of my fascinating, best-selling biography which I hope you will like very much. It was so lucky of you to find it by rummaging around in the the 33 for 1 shelf at Waterstones.

Who would have though that I, Alexi, a poor peasant boy from Belarus would one day invent the incredible SKA and have Serge Brin polishing my Primark casual slip-ons with his tongue?

I was born in Minsk in 1965 to two dreary peasants of indeterminate gender. The pregnancy was state-sponsored in a drive to breed more geniuses. As you can see, I am living testament to this far-sighted initiative.

The geography of Minsk was formed during the two most recent Ice Ages. The Svislach river, which flows across the city from the northwest to the southeast. There are no squirrels in Minsk.

Momski and Papski toiled in the potato fields for 23 hours a day and had little time to devote to their beloved Alexi.

I, however, flourished and soon become the class swot at the Minsk Academy for the Outstandingly Self-Important (sorry, there is no exact English Translation).

Even at that tender age, I had a dream! A dream that just had to be realised and fulfilled.

One afternoon, I visited the childrens' section of Minsk Public Library. Suddenly, something caught my eye. It was a picture book, with a strange, furry arboreal rodent on the cover.

I will never forget it. The title was 'Samski the Naughty Squirrel' (but in Cyrillic).

I stood there open mouthed. Transfixed to the spot.

Suddenly I realised my destiny.

I would become the greatest squirrelologist in history.

VG BM!

[Diver]

bated

master-

[Bob Dalek]

I think you missed the bit where he was dropped on the head - but even so I await chapter 2 with baited breath.

bated

[Diver]

The only thing he must have lost is the difference in natural beauty between Siberia and the midlands.

Yeh! those midlands birds wear too much make-up

[Francko]

That is true - but luckily he lives in Birmingham where the only culture is found in the yoghurts. When they are not eating crisps that is.

The only thing he must have lost is the difference in natural beauty between Siberia and the midlands.

[BrilloPad]

On a more serious note, I would love to read the true life story of AtW.
I'm sure it would make interesting reading. Especially the early years.

From communal Russia to Capitalist England. The culture shock must have been tremendous.

That is true - but luckily he lives in Birmingham where the only culture is found in the yoghurts. When they are not eating crisps that is.

[AtW]

The culture shock must have been tremendous.

CUK

[Diver]

On a more serious note, I would love to read the true life story of AtW.
I'm sure it would make interesting reading. Especially the early years.

From communal Russia to Capitalist England. The culture shock must have been tremendous.

[bogeyman]

Is that the bit where he serves time in Borstal for squirrel bothering?

Yep.

I sneaked this from the proofs...

CHAPTERS

1. The Early Years
2. The Dark Years
3. The Barren Years
4. Mister Majolica and His Mysterious Porcupine
5. The Wilderness Years
6. In the Drey of Samski Squirrel
7. Enlightenment
8. Orgasm
9. Dissapointment
10. Enui
11. The CUK Forum - A life line?
12. Shame and Ridicule
13. The Slaying of Likeley
14. Forward into Majesty

etc.

[BrilloPad]

I think you should contribute Chapter 2

Is that the bit where he serves time in Borstal for squirrel bothering?

[bogeyman]

Maybe I have already achieved that.

I think you should contribute Chapter 2