The Daily Mash

[Bob Dalek]

My fave:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/b...b-20080110648/

[Incognito]

The best one ever:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/a...-200808131167/

Chen Qigang, the ceremony director, said: "Yang has voice of angel, but face of Shane McGowan from Pogues.

"We use her and world think China land of ugly troll, not hot Asia babe."

"So instead we get cute girl to mime to Yang's lovely voice. She honk like Peking duck, but beautiful like china doll."

[Peoplesoft bloke]

My all time favourite:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/b...k-20080125680/

IIRC some dude posted that link on here thinking it was a serious story.

[daviejones]

Apprently he has been given a date for his release...
....


...she is only 8 but with her make up on she looks 12!!!


IGMC

[Diver]

GLAM rock paedophile Gary Glitter has refused to return to the United Kingdom, insisting British children are far too fat and ugly.




He failed to board his flight to the UK from Bangkok last night, claiming the average British 12 year-old now looks like a short, chubby version of Dot Cotton...

...Glitter insisted he would only return to the UK if he was allowed to run some kind of pre-teen health and fitness club.

He's on his way with a takeaway

[Toastiness]

My all time favourite:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/b...k-20080125680/

[P1mpAndPr0ud]

British Children Too Ugly, Says Glitter

GLAM rock paedophile Gary Glitter has refused to return to the United Kingdom, insisting British children are far too fat and ugly.




He failed to board his flight to the UK from Bangkok last night, claiming the average British 12 year-old now looks like a short, chubby version of Dot Cotton...

...Glitter insisted he would only return to the UK if he was allowed to run some kind of pre-teen health and fitness club.

[Diver]

Everything on my desk is now spattered with tea

Thank you very much

[TykeMerc]

Brilliant. Immediate free entry into the Library of time-wastery for that site.
Reminds me of The Day Today

Same for me, very enjoyable site that.

[ace00]

Brilliant. Immediate free entry into the Library of time-wastery for that site.
Reminds me of The Day Today

[realityhack]

LABOUR MPs TO RALLY BEHIND UNBEARABLE, SCREECHING HAG

LABOUR backbenchers are preparing to ditch Gordon Brown and place their electoral fortunes in the hands of the most God-awful cow.

Harriet Harman is now convinced she can lead Labour to a recovery in the polls, despite being described as the sort of eye-gougingly dreadful harridan who makes you want to shoot yourself twice just to make sure.

Marvellous...

[HairyArsedBloke]

I like the news in pictures on the home page

"Ryanair charges £10 for oxygen masks" and "'Thatcher would still make better PM than Brown', say Labour voters"

[realityhack]

NEW PHOTO-SHOOT REVEALS GAPING, SOULLESS VOID AT CENTRE OF KATIE PRICE

A SPECTACULAR new photo shoot by glamour model Katie Price has revealed the echoing chasm at the centre of her being.

Promoting her new range of Asda lingerie, Price, also known as Jordan, looked as curvaceous as ever, while at the same time being devoid of all humanity.

Dr Tom Logan, of the Institute for Studies, said: "It's the eyes, they're so wonderfully dead.

"The eyes, the face, the whole experience of looking at Katie Price leaves you feeling as if you have just stared over the abyss into the desolate, utterly indifferent vacuum of space.

"With this saucy photo shoot she has moved beyond the simple, earthly concepts of good and evil and drifted effortlessly into the realm of total emptiness."

Dr Logan warned that looking into Price's blank, lifeless eyes for too long may leave the viewer with the inescapable sense of life having lost all meaning.

He added: "Her face can be strangely hypnotic, a bit like static on a television screen. It is essentially just millions of pixels of nothingness.

"Though I have to say, she does look phenomenal in those panties."

[realityhack]

Brilliant

Garraway Farms would offer full-cream and semi-skimmed milk, a rich, mature cheddar, a range of organic fruit yoghurts and a gooey, brie-like substance.

[IR35 Avoider]

I only discovered this satirical news web site recently - it's superb.

"Paxman Grows Weary of Testicles" is one of my favourites in their archive.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/a...-200808151176/

Also, I find "Scotland Dies Laughing" very poignant, but I don't know what news event it's actually referring to - is it England's loss to Croatia? (Date 21/11/2007 appears in the URL.)

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/...g-20071121549/