Reply to: Annual letter from the CSA... anyone else?

[roadster198]

WHS

No kids in my case, but she wanted maintenance anyway - up to that point I thought we were being reasonable (and I thought I knew her). Why would any self-respecting adult with a good job expect maintenance?

She's a burd!!! thats why. Twisted boots

[roadster198]

My wife (we're not yet divorced) and I have agreed some figures, to the tune of about 40% of my net salary as maintenance for her and the kids. Is that a reasonable figure?

Just get her killed and be done with it. 40%!!!!!!

F E C K That I'd just do a runner

[Peoplesoft bloke]

So, jointly, you're trying to keep it amicable. And if you were to get advice that said you would be paying far more than necessary, and that you are endangering your finances for the next 10 years, and you propose less than 40% what will the problem be? She'll kick off, it will stop being amicable, the kids will become upset, and that's all your fault? Despite the fact that you were trying to be reasonable.

IME, when a wife wants to stay "amicable" that means "everything on my terms and I won't kick off, stop you seeing the children, and bad mouth you to the kids".

Consider that your main priority is looking after yourself so that you can remain and continue to be a good (and sane and financially secure) father to your children.

I know that this must be a difficult time, and bitter old barstewards like me trying to give advice is probably the last thing you want, but consider that bitter old barstewards ended up that way because they once got shafted too.

WHS

No kids in my case, but she wanted maintenance anyway - up to that point I thought we were being reasonable (and I thought I knew her). Why would any self-respecting adult with a good job expect maintenance?

[ratewhore]

IME, when a wife wants to stay "amicable" that means "everything on my terms and I won't kick off, stop you seeing the children, and bad mouth you to the kids".

I concur, apart from the last bit, she never did that...

[oracleslave]

So, jointly, you're trying to keep it amicable. And if you were to get advice that said you would be paying far more than necessary, and that you are endangering your finances for the next 10 years, and you propose less than 40% what will the problem be? She'll kick off, it will stop being amicable, the kids will become upset, and that's all your fault? Despite the fact that you were trying to be reasonable.

IME, when a wife wants to stay "amicable" that means "everything on my terms and I won't kick off, stop you seeing the children, and bad mouth you to the kids".

Consider that your main priority is looking after yourself so that you can remain and continue to be a good (and sane and financially secure) father to your children.

I know that this must be a difficult time, and bitter old barstewards like me trying to give advice is probably the last thing you want, but consider that bitter old barstewards ended up that way because they once got shafted too.

Sage words indeed imo.

[Platypus]

Thing is, we're trying to keep it all amicable so the kids don't get too upset. I'm willing to pay a bit extra to keep it that way. Don't want to start arguing about money. As my Dad always said "I'd do anything for a quiet life".

So, jointly, you're trying to keep it amicable. And if you were to get advice that said you would be paying far more than necessary, and that you are endangering your finances for the next 10 years, and you propose less than 40% what will the problem be? She'll kick off, it will stop being amicable, the kids will become upset, and that's all your fault? Despite the fact that you were trying to be reasonable.

IME, when a wife wants to stay "amicable" that means "everything on my terms and I won't kick off, stop you seeing the children, and bad mouth you to the kids".

Consider that your main priority is looking after yourself so that you can remain and continue to be a good (and sane and financially secure) father to your children.

I know that this must be a difficult time, and bitter old barstewards like me trying to give advice is probably the last thing you want, but consider that bitter old barstewards ended up that way because they once got shafted too.

[Moscow Mule]

Haven't spoken to one.

I would.

She's got a job, a very good one in fact.

If she earns more than you, perhaps she should be paying maintenance to you?

Thing is, we're trying to keep it all amicable so the kids don't get too upset. I'm willing to pay a bit extra to keep it that way. Don't want to start arguing about money. As my Dad always said "I'd do anything for a quiet life".

Well that's up to you, but (personally) I wouldn't want my finances to be shafted because I didn't take the right advice in the beginning.

[Moose423956]

That what her solicitor says. What does yours say.

Haven't spoken to one.

She could try getting a job. While she is maintained, she won't bother.

She's got a job, a very good one in fact.

Thing is, we're trying to keep it all amicable so the kids don't get too upset. I'm willing to pay a bit extra to keep it that way. Don't want to start arguing about money. As my Dad always said "I'd do anything for a quiet life".

[ratewhore]

Give the CSA a call (or whatever they call themselves these days). They'll be able to tell you. I don't have a link as this is what my solicitor and barrister told me.

Quick google found this though, on some solicitors site:

Either party to a court order for child maintenance made after 3 March 2003 may refer the issue of child maintenance back to the Child Support Agency by giving 2 months' notice after 12 months from the date of the order, even if no state benefits are being received. This does not apply to existing court orders in place prior to 3 March 2003.

[Platypus]

You have the right to go to the CSA to change child maintenance payments. This right comes into effect 12 months after the court order (i.e. you must pay what the court says for a minimum of 12 months).

This is for child maintenance only. Any spousal maintenance you will have to go back to court to vary...

Really?? I'd be VERY VERY grateful for a link if you have one, else I'll get onto the old solicitor.

[Platypus]

She tells me that because we've been together for 20 years she's entitled to maintenance.

That what her solicitor says. What does yours say.

I don't want them in financial hardship.

The guilt thing, eh? Forget it. I fell for that. She could try getting a job. While she is maintained, she won't bother.

If she shacks up with someone else, then we'll review it.

Yeah, right.

[ratewhore]

Supplementary question: as the CSA asks for less then I'm currently paying, although the amount I am paying was agreed and stated in the decree thingy, could I reduce my payments to the lesser amount without being hauled back into court?

You have the right to go to the CSA to change child maintenance payments. This right comes into effect 12 months after the court order (i.e. you must pay what the court says for a minimum of 12 months).

This is for child maintenance only. Any spousal maintenance you will have to go back to court to vary...

[EternalOptimist]

I paid £50 pw for my kids, with nothing for the ex. When they were 16 , I reduced it, then reduced it further every year, till they were 19.

The amount I reduced it by I paid directly into their accounts, as I reckon they can spend it more wisely than she could.

I add ition to this I paid for any unusual expenses like uniforms, school trips shoes etc. Plus holidays.

[Moose423956]

Depends on the number of children and your net salary figure.

Seems very high, have a look at the CSA website, it has a calculator indicating how much you should pay if you went via them.

2 kids.

Maintenance for her? These days it's more about maintenance for the children. Do you plan on paying maintenance to her for ever? Try to get a "clean break" from her then maint for the kids. 40% seems very high. As BA said, use the CSA website for guidance.

She tells me that because we've been together for 20 years she's entitled to maintenance. I don't want them in financial hardship. If she shacks up with someone else, then we'll review it.

[Platypus]

My wife (we're not yet divorced) and I have agreed some figures, to the tune of about 40% of my net salary as maintenance for her and the kids. Is that a reasonable figure?

Maintenance for her? These days it's more about maintenance for the children. Do you plan on paying maintenance to her for ever? Try to get a "clean break" from her then maint for the kids. 40% seems very high. As BA said, use the CSA website for guidance.