Reply to: Reporting fraud

[Clippy]

Just found out someone i dont like is due to make a stash of cash from a VAT carousel fraud scheme. Should i shop him?

To be honest i would like to see him get what he deserves

I know its true - wont go into why.

Well, i shopped him. As of last night he pissed me off even more so am really glad i did this. Has no-one twigged i'm female yet.

Just finished a relationship with a 36 year old pakistani guy who then went and married his 18 year old cousin who was shipped in from karachi for him.

Woman scorned and all that.

[EternalOptimist]

bloke walks into a bar and the manager shouts
'out you are barred'
guy looks stunned, "why am i barred ?"
"you annoy everyone trying to cadge free drinks"
"But I've never been in this pub in my life"
"Well you must have a double then"
"Yes, double whisky please"




IGMC

[Zippy]

Woman walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre so the barman gave her one!

Absolutely my all-time fave joke.

[The Lone Gunman]

Yep, you can't beat a bit of double-entendre on a slow Wednesday afternoon.

Woman walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre so the barman gave her one!

[Zippy]

that is so funny!!

Yep, you can't beat a bit of double-entendre on a slow Wednesday afternoon.

[The Lone Gunman]

Wasnt that done for the secret policemans ball or the first comic relief? I am sure it was on telly.

[n5gooner]

I think I slept with him once or twice

See http://rainbow.arch.scriptmania.com/...v_episode.html

that is so funny!!

For those of you who don't have kids or are far too young to remember
the splendid children's TV programme "Rainbow", this may be a little
lost on you...... but it was a great show to watch!

Almost too ridiculous to believe... Below is transcript taken from the
Unseen on TV Video clip. Innuendo all the way....

The sketch opens with Zippy peeling a banana...

Zippy: "One skin, two skin, three skin, four.... "

George: "Zippy, where is Bungle?"

Zippy: "I think Geoffrey is trying to get him up"

We see a view of the door and hear Bungle moaning from behind it.

Bungle: "Geoffrey, I can't get it in"

Geoffrey: "You managed it last night"

Bungle: "I know, let's try it round the other way around. Ooooooh, I've got it in"

Bungle and Geoffrey enter the studio with Bungle carrying a hammer and peg kit

Bungle: "Would you stick this on the shelf, George"

George: "I can't reach, you'll have to stick it up yourself,

Geoffrey (to camera) " Hello everyone, today we are talking about playing"

Bungle: "Playing with each other, Geoffrey?"

Geoffrey: "Yes Bungle, do you have a special friend that you like to play with?"

George: "Yesterday we played with our balls.

Are we going to play with our friend's balls today?"

Bungle: "Yes, and we can play with our twangers as well."

Geoffrey (to camera): Have you seen Bungles twanger?

Zippy: "Oh I have, I showed him how to pluck with it."

Bungle: "It's my plucking instrument."

Geoffrey asks the audience if they can pluck like Bungle

Zippy: "I can, I'm the best plucker here."

George: "And I'm good at banging. My peg's hard isn't it Zippy?"

Zippy: "Well of course it is, Your peg wouldn't go in if it was soft."

Geoffrey: "Let's get back to Bungle's twanger."

Bungle (excited): "Oooooh Geoffrey, we could all paint our twangers couldn't we?"

George: "Let's sing that plucking song."

Bungle: "Rod and Roger can get their instruments out and Jane has got two lovely Maracas."

Singers Rod, Roger and Jane enter.

Rod: "We could hear you all banging away."

Roger: "Banging can be fun."

Jane: "Ooooh yes, and I was banging away all last night with Rod and Roger."

Roger (looking sad): "Yes, but it broke my plucking instrument."

Geoffrey: "Never mind Roger, let sing the plucking song, come on

everybody get your instruments out."

Rod (to Jane): "Do you want to blow on my pipe while I'm twanging away?"

Jane: "Oh no Rod, I was blowing a lot with Roger last night. But would you

like to play with my maracas?"

Zippy: "No, let's just pluck away with our twangers."

Bungle: "Yes, it doesn't matter what size your twanger is."

Zippy: "I've got a big red one."

George: "I've only got a tiny twanger. But it works well and I like to play with it."

Geoffrey (to viewers): "Well, have you got your twangers out? And remember,

you can bounce your balls at the same time. If you haven't got any balls,

ask a friend if you can play with his. Now, let's all sing the plucking song."

Everyone in studio: "Pluck, pluck, pluck away, we're going to pluck all day today."

"Pluck, pluck, pluck away, we're going to pluck all day."

Geoffrey (to viewers): " It's time for us all to go now, but don't forget ....

to get your twangers out and play with your balls." "See you soon. Bye."

[The Lone Gunman]

i wouldnt want to ruin your productivity for the rest of the day, so no.

Just how productive do you think I am/we are? Look at how much time is spent on here. Sorry that excuse falls flat on its face (which is something SA can't do apparently).

[Xenophon]

I think I slept with him once or twice

See http://rainbow.arch.scriptmania.com/...v_episode.html

Zippy in 'I like 'em big, hairy and stupid' mode

[Zippy]

Who's this bungle person?

I think I slept with him once or twice

See http://rainbow.arch.scriptmania.com/...v_episode.html

[Meerkat]

wow, since you put it so nicely!
Actually i wouldnt want to ruin your productivity for the rest of the day, so no.
Who's this bungle person?

[Churchill]

He did didn't he...but not as many as Tinky WInky, he carries a handbag!!!!!

Bungle always worried me.

[n5gooner]

TLG - you are persistent and I dig that.

and predictable.

[Xenophon]

Not you, this new Meerkat person.
COME ON GIRLIE, TITS OUT FOR THE LADS.

TLG - you are persistent and I dig that.

[The Lone Gunman]

I think somone beat you to the customary (and side-splitting) bap gag last year - sorry.

Don't know about the Bungle thing but I'm sure we'll think of a rude reason for it soon

Not you, this new Meerkat person.
COME ON GIRLIE, TITS OUT FOR THE LADS.