Reply to: Office etiquette

[freakydancer]

I prefer "howdy".

Unless she is hot then I prefer "erm...mumble.....crash...burn"

Is that before or after you ask for your tea with 12 sugars in the local drivers cafe?

You're fooling no one sunshine.

Now get back on the road - those tins of spaghetti hoops ain't gonna deliver themselves you know.

[Bagpuss]

f) Lick your lips suggestively.
g) Lick their lips suggestively.
h) If going to the toilet, run past them at top speed yelling "step aside friend, I've got one in the departure lounge that can't wait!".
i) Wink, and say "who's looking at you kid?" in a Bogart stylee.
j) Take broad steps whilst fixing them with a piercing stare and grinning inanely. (Google image Freewheeling Franklin for guidance).
k) Do nothing, but slap them on the @rse as you pass by. Don't acknowledge this and continue walking.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I've tested them all this morning and they've made me incredibly popular, rich, and successful.

Good luck.

HTH

The etiquette depends if the office is norf or sarf

In the Norf..

Say hello and have a ten minute amusing conversation about nothing

in the sarf do either/all of the following;

1/ look at the floor
2/ scowl
3/ mutter something inaudible under your breath

If you speak they will only be confused

[hyperD]

Dont say "rabbit punch" Hyper...it'll lead to someone saying "donkey punch", then someone will ask what that means, then someone will explain, then someone will get banned again!

I think it's safer if we dont mention punches of any kind.

Good thinking Batwoman...

[Chugnut]

Dont say "rabbit punch" Hyper...it'll lead to someone saying "donkey punch", then someone will ask what that means, then someone will explain, then someone will get banned again!

I think it's safer if we dont mention punches of any kind.

Not even fruit punch? It's nearly summer after all.

[SallyAnne]

and then rabbit punch them.

Dont say "rabbit punch" Hyper...it'll lead to someone saying "donkey punch", then someone will ask what that means, then someone will explain, then someone will get banned again!

I think it's safer if we dont mention punches of any kind.

[FiveTimes]

v) stare at the breasts and say 'very nice'

w) After the very nice comment, turn around and admire the arse, additional nod in approval and comment is optional...

[Swiss Tony]

u) Pretend to trip and fall over as you pass by. Hop straight back up, look em in the eye and say "the rabbits are everywhere" and bunny hop away

[andy]

v) stare at the breasts and say 'very nice'

[Maxamus]

x) as you walk past them say "areet" in a cocky and gangsta accent
y) say nothing but show them the "V" sign
z) pull your leg out so that they trip ova it

[hyperD]

u) Point at the ceiling and say "What's that?!?!?" and then rabbit punch them.

hyperD in "fantasist Steven Seagal" mode

[FiveTimes]

You're walking across the office towards the coffee machine / bog and a fellow employee or contractor who works in the same area as you is walking in the opposite direction towards you.

Do you:

a) Mumble "alright", or the person's name, or both.
b) Pretend to be texting on your mobile or reading the bit of paper in your hand
c) Look at the floor/ceiling
d) Pretend that something highly interesting (e.g. a brightly coloured stapler) has caught your eye
e) Try (and fail) to say something witty

or

t) Raise eyebrows and a gentle nod...

[SallyAnne]

He/she could simply be a southerner.

Ah yes, good point

[Sysman]

The fact that you have even thought about this "dilema" suggests that the Asbergers has well and truly set in mate!!

Change your career at once to something with human interaction!

He/she could simply be a southerner.

[SallyAnne]

You're walking across the office towards the coffee machine / bog and a fellow employee or contractor who works in the same area as you is walking in the opposite direction towards you.

Do you:

a) Mumble "alright", or the person's name, or both.
b) Pretend to be texting on your mobile or reading the bit of paper in your hand
c) Look at the floor/ceiling
d) Pretend that something highly interesting (e.g. a brightly coloured stapler) has caught your eye
e) Try (and fail) to say something witty

The fact that you have even thought about this "dilema" suggests that the Asbergers has well and truly set in mate!!

Change your career at once to something with human interaction!

[Chugnut]

Not generally speaking, but I have to admit that this particular one eludes me. A bit like the situation in the supermarket where you see somebody for the second time on the same visit.

The second time you see them it is considered acceptable to go through their trolley and comment on their purchases.