Reply to: Little Gems of Advice (Viz Style)

[Board Game Geek]

Wish you had a bigger TV, but can't afford one ?

Move your chair closer to the TV.

You will find that if your nose is touching the screen, the picture will appear the size of a cinema screen !

Instant Home Theatre without the cost !

[Zorba]

Home improvement fans - recreate the sound of an expensive gravel drive without the cost by filling your shoes with Rice Krispies before leaving the house.

[wendigo100]

While walking down the road, fool people into thinking you are Ronaldo by throwing yourself to the ground every time you pass someone walking in the opposite direction.

[Swiss Tony]

Pretend you're a giant panda by giving yourself two black eyes, eating only bamboo shoots and refusing to have sex with the missus.

[Numptycorner]

Got a cliched stereotypical opinion? simply recycle it on CUK, I know I do!

[sparklelard]

Old toe nail clippings make an ideal substitute for tooth picks. Indeed their shape is ideal for hooking out those hard to reach bits of food caught between your teeth.

Eyuuu

[Kyajae]

There was a Spanish lorry driver who done a proper job on feckin up the M5 yesterday, he jack-knifed the lorry across all three lanes and knocked a lamppost across the other three.

Tens of thousands of people couldn’t get to work or go home because of this, he's already been to court and been fined £450 and got six points (which is meaningless on a Spanish driving licence), the cost to the local economy probably ran into the millions let alone all the kids who were stuck at school and emergency services who couldn’t get through.

Spanish Lorry Driver. Avoid causing accidents by ensuring your cab is fitted with see-through windows

[gingerjedi]

on a similar note, driving too close behind slow moving lories and decide you want to go slightly faster? Simply pull out infront of a faster moving car, it will help if you don't indicate and don't speed up at all. Don't think twice, A&E is a much better service these days.

There was a Spanish lorry driver who done a proper job on feckin up the M5 yesterday, he jack-knifed the lorry across all three lanes and knocked a lamppost across the other three.

Tens of thousands of people couldn’t get to work or go home because of this, he's already been to court and been fined £450 and got six points (which is meaningless on a Spanish driving licence), the cost to the local economy probably ran into the millions let alone all the kids who were stuck at school and emergency services who couldn’t get through.

[foritisme]

Help save the planet - Dilute your drinking water

[wendigo100]

Would-be cricketers. Fool your friends into thinking you are an England test cricketer by drinking 10 pints of Stella and getting an accomplice to drive you round and round Trafalgar Square while you lean out of the sunroof.

[Numptycorner]

Lorry drivers. On dual-carriageways, use both lanes to travel side by side up hills and keep each other company.

on a similar note, driving too close behind slow moving lories and decide you want to go slightly faster? Simply pull out infront of a faster moving car, it will help if you don't indicate and don't speed up at all. Don't think twice, A&E is a much better service these days.

[EternalOptimist]

Contractors

fool permies into thinking you are a touch deaf by farting loudly, ignoring the phone when it rings, and talk very loudly to agents on your mobile.

[freakydancer]

Don't have a brain? Mentally retarded? Simply post drivel on CUK.

Exhibit A m'lud

[sasguru]

Don't have a brain? Mentally retarded? Simply post drivel on CUK.

[BoredBloke]

Old toe nail clippings make an ideal substitute for tooth picks. Indeed their shape is ideal for hooking out those hard to reach bits of food caught between your teeth.