Misbehaving youngsters dumped in the dark as punishment

[threaded]

Melchett: Yes, yes. I've been thinking, too, Darling.

Darling: Sir?

Melchett: You know, over these last few years, I've come to think of you as
a sort of son. Not a favourite son, of course -- lord, no! -- more
a sort of illegitimate backstairs sort of sprog, you know: a sort
of spotty squit that nobody really likes. But, nonetheless, still
fruit of my overactive loins.

Darling: Thank you, sir.

Melchett: And I want to do what's best for you, Darling, so I've given it
a great deal of thought, and I want you to have this. (picks up
a piece of paper from the desk and hands it to Darling)

Darling: A postal order for ten shillings...

Melchett: No, sorry -- that's my godson's wedding present. (picks up another
piece of paper) Here.

Darling: Er, no, sir -- this is the commission for the front line, sir.
(holds it out, to give it back)

Melchett: Yes. I've been awfully selfish, Darling, keeping you back here
instead of letting you join in the fun and games. This will let
you get to the front line immediately!

Darling: But, but, sir, I, I don't want to.

Melchett: ...to leave me? Heh, I appreciate that, Darling, but, damn it, I'll
just have to enter Berlin without someone to carry my feathery hat.

Darling: (stands) No, sir, I don't want to go into battle.

Melchett: ...without me. I know. But I'm too old, Darling. I'm just going to
have to sit this one out on the touchline with the halftime oranges
and the fat, wheezy boys with a note from matron, while you young-
bloods link arms and go together for the glorious final scrumdown.

Darling: No, sir... (walks around the desk to Melchett) You're, you're not
listening, sir. I'm begging you, please -- for the sake of all the
times I've helped you with your dicky bows and dicky bladder --
please (falls to his knees), don't make me--

Melchett: ...make you go through the farewell debagging ceremony in the mess.
Heh! No, I've spared you that, too, you touchingly sentimental young
booby! Look: no fuss, no bother -- the driver is already here.

Darling: (turns, still on his knees, as the door opens; a shadow of the
driver is cast from the bright light in the next room [extra bright
for dramatic effect]; the driver salutes) But--

Melchett: No, no -- not a word, Kevin. I know what you want to say. I know.
(Darling stands slowly) Goodbye, Kevin Darling. (salutes)

Darling: (frightened, salutes) Goodbye, sir.

[threaded]

What a bunch of pansies! When I were a lad it was called "Outwood bound" and we thorougly enjoyed every minute of it! linq