Reply to: Just got engaged…

[wantacontract]

7 years

well...7 years is a long time...i suppose for the first three years, neither of us was ready.....kinda of happy to drift along....although we use to have big fights for the pettiest reasons at the beginning...she was a bit insecure as her last bf cheated on her....so i was a bit annoyed at being constantly chastised for wanting to go out...even to play sports....

she spent a year away in sheffield - we are based in notts, so I did the travelling thing for a year....

Slowly but surely, she became a stronger person....passed her driving test, got a car, became more independent...she got her job as a teacher....

Then in the last two years, we got on better....and last year i got made redundant in june (notified in June, and of effect 1st september).....started contracting in september...so the whole year was just busy..

We probably coulda got engaged a year sooner. ....thinking about it...but last year was pretty full on for me....

[wendigo100]

I suspect I got a bit confused about the "eat me" thing...

I see what you mean - one thing leads to another and all that...

[wendigo100]

That explains my lack of success...

No, eating them explains your lack of success!

[Spartacus]

That explains my lack of success...

I hear that you're quite a pin-up boy on Altair IV.

[Gonzo]

7 years? Where did that come from? Think you’ve got cross message modulation there Mr Gonzo. The idea of engagement has been floating about for some months now, just waiting for the right opportunity.

Money money money the most likely cause for dispute, now without getting too Walt Disney here I thought the big L overcame such disputes? If I thought money was more important than happiness I think I’d be quite a vulnerable chappy…

I think you'll be fine then.

btw Money is never a problem - lack of money is though!

[scooterscot]

I would say listen to the posts from people that say don't do it but take them with a large pinch of salt.

I have seen some incautious marriages fail. But from a personal perspective if you get it right then will be the most fulfilling thing in your life (OK people with kids might have something else to say but we don't have them).

Only a couple of things I wonder about - you've been together 7 years and you get engaged now - why not earlier? I think 3 years is long enough to work out if the person is totally compatible or not.

Whose idea was it to get engaged - yours or hers? If it was hers did you have any qualms about saying yes? if not then you are going to be fine.

I agree money is the most likely cause of dispute. Mrs Gonzo earns a decent amount in her own right. We have separate bank accounts but share equally all our living costs and agree between us what we are going to spend on large items. What has not been tested yet is if I were to have a long fallow period work wise and had to start asking her to sub me, but she did verbally support me quiting permiedom to go contracting so she has no basis for complaint!

Last word of advice - marriage is not going to be a bed of roses every day - so when you do have a bad day remember that they are few and far between!

7 years? Where did that come from? Think you’ve got cross message modulation there Mr Gonzo. The idea of engagement has been floating about for some months now, just waiting for the right opportunity.

Money money money the most likely cause for dispute, now without getting too Walt Disney here I thought the big L overcame such disputes? If I thought money was more important than happiness I think I’d be quite a vulnerable chappy…

[Ruprect]

All the best.

So the burning question is...what is the budget for the wedding??? I set a budget for mine and it ended up 50% over

Good luck.

[Spartacus]

Women are attracted to men who are outgoing, have a lot of friends, enjoy the good life and so on. On marrying them, they expect them to immediately stop all such behaviour.

Be sure. Be very sure.

[Gonzo]

I would say listen to the posts from people that say don't do it but take them with a large pinch of salt.

I have seen some incautious marriages fail. But from a personal perspective if you get it right then will be the most fulfilling thing in your life (OK people with kids might have something else to say but we don't have them).

Only a couple of things I wonder about - you've been together 7 years and you get engaged now - why not earlier? I think 3 years is long enough to work out if the person is totally compatible or not.

Whose idea was it to get engaged - yours or hers? If it was hers did you have any qualms about saying yes? if not then you are going to be fine.

I agree money is the most likely cause of dispute. Mrs Gonzo earns a decent amount in her own right. We have separate bank accounts but share equally all our living costs and agree between us what we are going to spend on large items. What has not been tested yet is if I were to have a long fallow period work wise and had to start asking her to sub me, but she did verbally support me quiting permiedom to go contracting so she has no basis for complaint!

Last word of advice - marriage is not going to be a bed of roses every day - so when you do have a bad day remember that they are few and far between!

[scooterscot]

I just love how, as a contractor, people assume I must be the highest earner.

[lilelvis2000]

Things are okay so far but one word of advice and that is make sure you have the same goals for money. If you're a spender and she's a saver then you're bound to have arguments. As well, think long before getting a joint bank account. If you do - do not put your salary into it.

Money is probably the number one reason for tension and breakups. make sure you sort that out before you sign that document. A prenup is not valid in the UK so don't even think about it.

I enjoy life so far - but we had a child perhaps a bit too soon. I just just got back on my feet, my wife had huge debts which needed paying off and then wham boom, a child. We couldn't travel much afterwards - come to think of it we haven't gone anywhere since the baby.

hmmm....and me wife thinks I've duffed her up again!

[SallyAnne]

I had to get an ex to agree to a sign a tenants in common agreement when we bought a house togeather. Bringing that up in conversation and getting her to sign it involved a lot of rows and tears. In the end she signed it though. She would have never considered if we were to marry. If you marry thats it really hopefully you will stay the course though, my nan and grandad were married for 72 years

It shouldn't have to involve rows and tears. Any decent lass would sign it!!

Thank god she's an ex Ivor - lucky escape me thinks.

[scooterscot]

congrats...i got engaged recently too....we've been going out for 7 years....
I feel as though I know her well, and don't think we'll change after the marriage, despite what a LOT of people have told me.....

I just hope I don't become bitter and disecnchanted like a lot of people here are. Not having a go at them, but if what they say is true, then they would be bitter, etc.....

I feel that my gf is different, we went to look at rings, and she didn't pressure me to buy the most expensive one, infact she said she would be happy with a 0.5 carat one.....

more to the point, i am hoping my marriage is a happy and permanent one.....

another thing which i think my relationship is different to others, is that ours have had some much resistance.....my family - parents being racists to white people.....her parents with me being chinese, and not wealthy enough.....and being a moody git too....

having gone through a lot, I fell confident about our future...

anyway, all the best with your engagement....

That made for some positive reading wantacontract, thanks!

We bought our first house together a couple years ago and both of us thought that was not really a big deal, owning a cat though that was just too much responsibility neither of us wanted to commit to.

Like you neither of us believe marriage will change us, both of us want the same things out of life so why not I say?

Congratulations to you too.

[Ivor1]

Does sound sensible - you never know - but how on earth do you work that one into conversation? Has anyone here got a prenup and how did you break the subject with your then fiancee?

I had to get an ex to agree to a sign a tenants in common agreement when we bought a house togeather. Bringing that up in conversation and getting her to sign it involved a lot of rows and tears. In the end she signed it though. She would have never considered if we were to marry. If you marry thats it really hopefully you will stay the course though, my nan and grandad were married for 72 years

[wantacontract]

hmmm

congrats...i got engaged recently too....we've been going out for 7 years....
I feel as though I know her well, and don't think we'll change after the marriage, despite what a LOT of people have told me.....

I just hope I don't become bitter and disecnchanted like a lot of people here are. Not having a go at them, but if what they say is true, then they would be bitter, etc.....

I feel that my gf is different, we went to look at rings, and she didn't pressure me to buy the most expensive one, infact she said she would be happy with a 0.5 carat one.....

more to the point, i am hoping my marriage is a happy and permanent one.....

another thing which i think my relationship is different to others, is that ours have had some much resistance.....my family - parents being racists to white people.....her parents with me being chinese, and not wealthy enough.....and being a moody git too....

having gone through a lot, I fell confident about our future...

anyway, all the best with your engagement....