Reply to: If you are bored and fancy a chuckle, read on...

[wendigo100]

You must really knock 'em dead at parties.

Parties?

[BillHicksRIP]

You must really knock 'em dead at parties.

[wendigo100]

These people actually believe that the world is twelve thousand years old. Swear to God. Based on what? I asked them.

"Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages? Twelve thousand years."
"Well, how f**king scientific, OK. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble there. That's good. You believe the world's twelve thousand years old?"
"That's right."

That's wrong.

As I understand it, if you work back through the ages and births in the bible to Adam and Eve, the world started in 4004 BC. That's about 6010 years old, not 12000.

Or 6009 - there was no zero was there.

[The Lone Gunman]

There's only one fate for missionaries... in the cooking pot.

The careers officer suggested missionary. I replied with "that's a fine position, but there are others"

[Spacecadet]

These lot are apparently atheistic terrorists >>

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Love it.

from the same people who brought you www.whitehouse.org

cruelly funny

[To BI or not to BI?]

These lot are apparently atheistic terrorists >>

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Love it.

Looking at the emails received:

Jesus is real, He changed me over night and has not stopped working on me yet.

(must be Ann Summers' new name for the rabbit)

[freakydancer]

These lot are apparently atheistic terrorists >>

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Love it.

[To BI or not to BI?]

Brilliant!!

[Zippy]

It seems the site is one huge Chico bait:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OBJECTIVE:_Ministries

Kinda sad that the deluded souls are fake but what a great site. Think I might get me one of the T Shirts...

Praise the Lord!

[DS23]

[QUOTE=Captain Jack]For myself, I'm not sure whether to laugh or be scared.

Project Pterosaur

QUOTE]

It seems the site is one huge Chico bait:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OBJECTIVE:_Ministries

Kinda sad that the deluded souls are fake but what a great site. Think I might get me one of the T Shirts...

[Zippy]

What's really, really scaring me is that I'm still not sure if its a pi$$take or not. Guess that makes me a tool of Satan

[BillHicksRIP]

from "Love All The People"
by Bill Hicks
Fundamentalist Christianity: fascinating. These people actually believe that the world is twelve thousand years old. Swear to God. Based on what? I asked them.

"Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages? Twelve thousand years."
"Well, how f**king scientific, OK. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble there. That's good. You believe the world's twelve thousand years old?"
"That's right."
"OK, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?"
"Uh huh."
"Dinosaurs."

You know, the world's twelve thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, and existed in that time, you'd think it would been mentioned in the f**king Bible at some point:

And O, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in its paw. And the disciples did run a-screamin'. "What a big f**king lizard, Lord!"
"I'm sure gonna mention this in my book," Luke said.
"Well, I'm sure gonna mention it in my book," Matthew said.
But Jesus was unafraid. And he took the splinter from the brontosaurus paw, and the brontosaurus became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch, O so many years, attracting fat American families with their fat f**kin' dollars to look for the Loch Ness Monster. And O the Scots did praise the Lord: "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Twelve thousand years old. But I actually asked this guy, "OK, dinosaur fossils-- how does that fit into your scheme of life? What's the deal?" He goes:

"God put those here to test our faith."
"I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. I think I've figured this out."

Does that-- That's what this guy said. Does that bother anyone here? The idea that God might be f**king with our heads? Anyone have trouble sleeping restfully with that thought in their head? God's running around burying fossils: "Ho ho! We'll see who believes in me now, ha ha! I'm a prankster God. I am killing me, ho ho ho!" You know? You die, you go to St. Peter:

"Did you believe in dinosaurs?"
"Well, yeah. There were fossils everywhere. (trapdoor opens) Aaaaarhhh!"
"You f**kin' idiot! Flying lizards? You're a moron. God was f**kin' with you!"
"It seemed so plausible, aaaaaahh!"
"Enjoy the lake of fire, f**ker!"

They believe this. But you ever notice how people who believe in Creationism usually look pretty unevolved. Eyes really close together, big furry hands and feet? "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

Such a weird belief. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see a f**king cross, man? "Ow." Might be why he hasn't shown up yet.

"Man, they're still wearing crosses. f**k it, I'm not goin' back, Dad. No, they totally missed the point. When they start wearing fishes, I might show up again, but... let me bury fossils with you, Dad. f**k 'em, let's f**k with 'em! Hand me that brontosaurus head, Dad."




excerpt from "Love All The People: Letters, Lyrics, Routines" published by Soft Skull Press, 2004.

[Captain Jack]

There's only one fate for missionaries... in the cooking pot.

[sasguru]

Chico? Chico? Wherefore art thee? The lord commands thee to go on this mission ...

[Mordac]

>Non-Christian natives encountered should be made to know the Word and of the Saving Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. A Missiological Technician will accompany the expedition to witness and perform Baptisms as necessary.


(What happens when the machetes come out I wonder...)