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Economy collapses again after Top Cat fails to pay his mortgage
Economy collapses again after Top Cat fails to pay his mortgage
Top Cat defaults on mortgage
The economy is in tatters again this morning after banks made billions in unsecured loans to a homeless cartoon cat.
Top Cat, whose close friends get to call him ‘TC’, was given a Triple A credit rating by ratings agencies Fitch and Standard & Poor’s, despite him living in a dustbin.
Top Cat’s debt was then leveraged against a complex basket of derivatives, which went sour when he failed to pay, leaving the Bank of England on the hook yet again.
The banking sector has denied acting irresponsibly in its lending, insisting that they carried out all necessary due diligence.
Top Cat is understood to have described his net worth as ‘bajillions of spondulicks’ on the self-assessment form, which is a sunnier economic assessment than the entire Eurozone.
“The cat wore a waistcoat!” said chief financial officer Dibble. “A waistcoat! And he almost cried when he thought we were going to say no. How could we have refused under those circumstances?
“I tell you – if you can’t trust a fast-talking cat in a straw boater with your money, then there’s something badly wrong with twenty-first-century finance, and we don’t have the first clue what.”
Despite being willing to lend to a homeless cartoon cat, banks have confirmed they’re still not extending credit to Greece.
“We might lend everything we’ve got to an imaginary cat, but Greece? Come on. We’re not entirely stupid.”Leave a comment:
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The mortgages require a deposit of 10% from someone in the family. So if the owners don't keep up with the mortgage the deposit gets used.Leave a comment:
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Hmmm, is this an Oh Dear, or a celebration, 100% Mortgages are back at 2.99% yeehawww
Morning All,
ok, my good side says this is an Oh Dear, but my side which is responsible for provisioning financial capacity for the future of Mr and Mrs Benes says this is a good thing and a cause for celebration....
thanks to our good friends at Barclays, 100% Mortgages are back at 2,99% interest
Barclays brings back the 100% mortgage giving new hope to first time buyers | Daily Mail Online
Let's all get on the gravy train and watch those house prices fly
Milan.
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