Why was Nigel Farage’s Christmas lunch so crap?
He banned brussels and there was no turkey despite Nigel insisting it would be admitted to the table any minute now
How many Leave voters does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to remove the bulb and 17,410,741 to sit in the darkness and tell everyone else to get over themselves
Why didn’t Boris Johnson’s children get any Christmas presents?
He told them he was broke after giving £350million a week to the NHS
Why is Nigel Farage banned from Father Christmas’s workshop?
Because smoking can seriously damage your elf
Why was the UKIP nativity play cancelled?
They couldn’t find three wise men
Why doesn’t Father Christmas vote UKIP?
He’s not irrationally worried about living close to a Pole
Why will Air Force One smell awful in 2017?
Because there will be a nasty Trump in the air
Why did the UKIP voter have no presents?
He sent them all back to where they came from
What does Theresa May shout while her husband is cooking the turkey?
“Baste it means baste it”
Nigel Farage, Raheem Kaseem and Arron Banks walk into a bar..
…Everyone else leaves.
Which Santa do Brexiteers hate?
Jacques Santer
How many Tory MPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None - they’re too busy screwing the country
Why did Boris Johnson cross the road?
For personal political gain after giving David Cameron assurances that he wouldn’t go to the other side
How do you stop Leave-voting relatives hogging the TV at Christmas?
Take back the remote control
What newspaper is forecasting Britain will be swamped by mass immigration by elves?
The Polar Express
What is Boris Johnson’s least-favourite Christmas film?
Gove Actually
And a carol:
