I have spent over three years stressed, and quite possibly depressed, about my tax situation.
It was a combination of self employment and disguised remuneration. All entirely my fault, of course. But if anything that just made me feel worse. My initial demand from hmrc was for over £90k and growing daily. Once I stopped burying my head in the sand (a visit from hmrc 3 weeks after I had my daughter got me out of the sand, but made me feel no better), I spent over three years trying to work out what to do. Countless calls, emails and letters to hmrc was getting me nowhere fast. £90k was dropped to £40k, and still no one could explain where that figure had come from - or even if it was the final figure.
Last month I had a call from hmrc. She talked me through everything, understood the situation and could tell me what was owed for each year, exactly what I needed to do and pay. I luckily had declared the disguised remuneration quite early. I finally had a direct number of someone who knew what they were talking about, and an email address for a real person that actually responded.
As of today I'm up to date. £12k paid, tax returns submitted (I've been paye since 2013 but got a demand for 18/19 tax return 3 months ago).
I just wanted to share with those that are maybe still in the middle of it, that it can improve. I had some very, very low points over the last few years. Every moment of joy had a shadow. Something good would happen and the feeling of happiness would spark something in me to remind myself what deep tulip I was in. Like I didn't deserve the happiness.
My wedding day, birth of my girls, christmas, birthdays. There was no good moment that wasn't immediately followed by a feeling of dread. My husband is only recently aware of the extent, but I'll never share how it's made me feel.
I'm very fortunate that I was in the position to keep back some equity from our recent house move to pay what I owed, I appreciate not everyone will be in that position.
Obviously the demands for loan repayment, of a loan that there is no evidence that actually exist (I'm not keen on giving my details to them to access doctored documents online), are halting the celebrations slightly. I'm trying to work out the best next steps for that. My first step is requesting my P11Ds from hmrc to see what it actually says - these schemes liked to keep everything online, so I have nothing. But they don't scare me quite as much as hmrc.
It was a combination of self employment and disguised remuneration. All entirely my fault, of course. But if anything that just made me feel worse. My initial demand from hmrc was for over £90k and growing daily. Once I stopped burying my head in the sand (a visit from hmrc 3 weeks after I had my daughter got me out of the sand, but made me feel no better), I spent over three years trying to work out what to do. Countless calls, emails and letters to hmrc was getting me nowhere fast. £90k was dropped to £40k, and still no one could explain where that figure had come from - or even if it was the final figure.
Last month I had a call from hmrc. She talked me through everything, understood the situation and could tell me what was owed for each year, exactly what I needed to do and pay. I luckily had declared the disguised remuneration quite early. I finally had a direct number of someone who knew what they were talking about, and an email address for a real person that actually responded.
As of today I'm up to date. £12k paid, tax returns submitted (I've been paye since 2013 but got a demand for 18/19 tax return 3 months ago).
I just wanted to share with those that are maybe still in the middle of it, that it can improve. I had some very, very low points over the last few years. Every moment of joy had a shadow. Something good would happen and the feeling of happiness would spark something in me to remind myself what deep tulip I was in. Like I didn't deserve the happiness.
My wedding day, birth of my girls, christmas, birthdays. There was no good moment that wasn't immediately followed by a feeling of dread. My husband is only recently aware of the extent, but I'll never share how it's made me feel.
I'm very fortunate that I was in the position to keep back some equity from our recent house move to pay what I owed, I appreciate not everyone will be in that position.
Obviously the demands for loan repayment, of a loan that there is no evidence that actually exist (I'm not keen on giving my details to them to access doctored documents online), are halting the celebrations slightly. I'm trying to work out the best next steps for that. My first step is requesting my P11Ds from hmrc to see what it actually says - these schemes liked to keep everything online, so I have nothing. But they don't scare me quite as much as hmrc.
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