Workplace Bullying. Bully, bullied or take no sh1t!

[WageSlave1]

The reason why bullying permies is much easier is that they're scared of losing their job. This is especially true of 'up or out' consultancies, where working like a slave is expected.

[Ivor bigun]

Bullies

It is one of my pet hates about workplace behaviour that there are others who have a tendancy to "bullying".
Luckily for me, I have not had to face outright bullying but that is probably because I have tried to avoid being put in the position where I can be bullied.
For me, I try to recognise what the surrounding aspects are of all the people I work with so that I can place myself into the "genial, kind and fair" personality type.
This tends to avoid the attentions of traditional bullies but quite often, I am faced with another problem - that of destructive personalities (usually disallusioned permies) who don't like to see others doing well. They are more tricky to deal with.

I have found that a "bullying" culture starts from the top and if you work in a company like that, and like me you don't like bullying - then there is always the ultimate option.
It is one of the benefits of contracting that you can leave sh*thole companies like that to work in far more pleasant environments.
Life is too short if you have to work with unpleasant unfriendly people

[mcquiggd]

Re: Bullies

"Life is too short if you have to work with unpleasant unfriendly people"

Spot on.


Ive never really encountered out-and-out bullying, but when younger there was some intimidation in terms of playing people off against each other for promotions, hints that 'i was not irreplaceable', bringing in someone on 40% higher salary and expecting me to hand him all my hard won expertise as he was more 'pliable' to management.

Over time as Ive become more senior and experienced, I tend to step round the dog turds of working life, or simply leave.

Im working at a consultancy at the moment as the atmosphere is really good - the PM is a big scots guy who NOBODY is going to mess with and he sists squarely between any political rubbish and us techies. End result of that is everyone seems to enjoy their jobs, the techies are all eager to share knowledge, and we are productive; that in turn means there is no need for backstabbing as the company is delivering and ergo people are making money.

[mcquigggd]

A small success story

A longish post to tell my story which hopefully will bring some
reassurance to others that this condition can be overcome.

All my adult life I have felt varying degrees of anxiety, brought on
by a combination of factors such as being bullied at school, a manic
depressive father who prevented us from having a normal home life, and
bad experiences with women (for example moving a new boyfriend into
our shared house in the bedroom above mine - after telling me in bed 3
days before).

This came to a head last year when I accepted a job as a Development
Manager, working in the IT department of a local company. Id not
performed this role before and was nervous - explaining to the IT
Director that I would need a lot of support until I felt comfortable
in the role. I was told that it was no problem, that they would let me
grow into the role.

The first day there they arranged a meeting of the 7 people who were
to report to me, two secretaries, and several other managers. The IT
Director turned to me and said 'oh, this is your meeting', and
promptly shut up. I hadnt a clue what to say so started by introducing
myself, and explaining my background. The feelings of being judged by
everyone else in the room proved too much, and I started to stutter.
After two minutes of sheer hell a 'breaker' in my head flipped and I
simply announced 'Im sorry, I dont think I can do this - I dont think
this is the right job for me'.

The meeting broke up and everyone walked out in stunned silence. I
then had to walk back into the office and face them... the staff were
mostly understanding but the IT director was furious....

This pattern was repeated for three months, with the director
springing suprise meetings on me with a large number of people in the
room, as if he was trying to break me (in the mistaken belief he would
cure me).

In the end I resigned, and havent worked for 11 months due to the fear
of 'performance situations', open plan offices, and public speaking.
What I now know to be Generalised Anxiety Disorder, that I had
suffered for many years, had advanced to become a Panic Disorder. I
have had panic attacks in social situations where Ive walked into a
pub, bought a drink, and then have been physically unable to pick it
up, and had to leave. Ive hidden in the pub toilet and rung my friend
on his mobile to explain that I cant stay in the pub. Ive had panic
attacks walking through the town centre where I have had to run to a
quieter place to avoid being around people. All this came out of the
blue.

I researched on the web and tried CBT... I found that the initial
consultation that involved me revealing the full details of my
background was by the far the most helpful part of the process... I
was admitting I had a problem and starting to identify the reasons.

Some two months ago an online friend recommended I tried Xanax. I kept
some tablets with me whenever I went out, and found that a small dose
of around .25mg would take away the feelings of panic within around 30
minutes.

I started to take small doses of Xanax and then force myself into
situations where I had previously experienced panic attacks. On
occaision I felt nervous, but I was able to 'go through' the event. So
I continued the Xanax assisted aversion therapy, and have made a great
deal of progress... no panic attacks for some 6 weeks now (used to be
3 or 4 a week).

The second aspect of my 'problem' was fear of speaking to strangers...
and while the Xanax relaxed me, I was still wary of talking in public
or to people, especially attractive women, for fear of being judged. I
tried Prozac, at a dose of 10mg initially, but effectively became a
zombie... albeit a happy zombie. Realising you have watched 12 hours
of TV and done nothing else was scary.

Next was clonazapam. I tried a .5 mg dose before going out one night,
and had two glasses of red wine later in the evening. The effect was
amazing... at first I felt tense for about 10 minutes but then that
subsided and I became relaxed, talkative, and 'how I think other
people are inside', for want of a better description. I made several
new friends that night and felt in control, but actually eager to make
conversation.

I have started a daily dose of .5mg clonazapam morning and evening,
and only drink moderately. The effect is that I am now well known in
my local pub and greeted by name, have made several female friends,
sometimes spend 30 minutes at the bar talking and joking with people I
dont know, and have had no problems shopping during the busy christmas
period and being a 'normal person'.

I even have a job offer, and three other interviews this week, which I
know I can cope with as the medication has allowed me to prove I CAN
talk to strangers, and face social situations.

The next stage is to gradually reduce the medication ... once I am
comfortable in my new job :-)

Best of luck to all of you - I realise what works for one does not
always work for others, but take heart that it is possible to beat.

[xoggoth]

Re: A small success story

Managers who act like that should be reported and fast. When I worked in a big IT place we used to hear a manager shouting next door.

I am not really the sort to be bullied either. I really dislike confrontation and generally avoid it when possible but have a kamikaze temper and will flip into total volcano mode if pushed too far. Only direct experience was a manager we had who used to use four letter words at team meetings. He started up in this mode at my annual review and I went totally ballistic, called him a f* w* in a volume that could be heard throughout the building. I got made "redundant". The job was tulipe anyhow and I got lots of redundancy money.

[mcquiggd]

Re: A small success story

The trouble is that at most companies HR people are also intimidated by bullying managers - so they tend not to back staff up. I dont recall any company Ive worked in taking action against a manager... except to make them redundant under the orders of someone more senior.

Perhaps thats why im happier contracting rather than in permanent employment - ive tried both, and its just less 'complicated' being on contract....

[Vetran]

Re: A small success story

McQuidd - the pratt boss sounds like a amateur shrink and should be fired for exposing you to such situations, I know I would be if I did that to my staff.Its just laziness and stupidity.

I hope you are getting support on some of those medications they can have some nasty side effects that need to be carefully monitored.

I agree its difficult to find good HR people.

Anger is also a great drug if used sparingly in conjunction with ambition. Try reading a story I read back at school it was called something like 'goalkeepers are ten a penny' I can't find it on google but I'll keep looking. Also 'the loneliness of a long distance runner' by Alan Sillitoe, both still stay wth me far better than Kez or 'a taste of honey'.

[MarillionFan]

Re: A small success story

"Ihave had panic attacks in social situations where Ive walked into a pub, bought a drink, and then have been physically unable to pick it"

Mordac is similar to this but he normally suffers a panic attack when it comes to buying a round. :rollin

[mcquiggd]

Re: A small success story

Actually I didn't post that - at least not here

Somebody from the board was Googling and decided it would be fun to copy an archived post from years ago that I had made on an Anxiety Support BBS in an attempt to help others. Obviously it was intended to humiliate me - couldnt give a stuff personally :rollin

As for that particular episode, apparently I was the third (or possibly fourth) dev manager that year, I remember telling the PA to the CEO that I was going to leave and she said 'oh god not another one' in exasperation. Some of my friends ended up contracting there but didnt stay long. They started hiring FTVs instead as no local person would stay there for more than 6 months.

But, as far as I know, the IT Director is still there... amazing how some people can cling to power.

[mcquiggd]

Re: A small success story

P.S One guy stayed in the job for a week and just didnt come back. He was obviously a smarter man than I!

Looking back, it was the sort of situation that you would normally expect HR to have taken action over, especially with the history of people leaving. But they just werent interested - they didnt even hold 'exit interviews' so there was no way to leave a record of what had transpired.

Im fairly certain there would have been a consistent story of incompetence by the IT Director which would have raised questions at board level. There was no union present in the company - although I could have joined MSF I suppose. But, after realising my health was suffering I resigned.

It brings back some funny memories actually - of the secretary who would add new action points to a 10 page listing of old meeting minutes, and carefully highlight current action points by changing the font to red, then printing on a black and white printer so nobody could tell the difference.

They also reused paper, so sometimes youd be 2 or 3 minutes into a meeting and someone would pipe up 'didnt we cover this last week?'. You'd turn the paper over and the new action points were on the other side. Bizarre.

I did make a few polite suggestions, but they were ignored. In the end I started buying clearance packs of 500 sheets of A4 from Maplin for about £2 and stocking the printers myself.

According to the guys who worked for me, I was one of the best dev managers they had had (that year, at least :rollin ). They probably said that becuase I instituted a friday afternoon meeting for the team in an office away from the senior management, where I 'abandoned rank', got in a few KFC Bargain Buckets or something, and they could let off steam / discuss the projects we had without fear of any comeback.

If deadlines meant some of my staff working over weekends, I would go in as well, even though I wasnt being paid. Id buy the guys lunch and generally help out, or just leave them to it and prepare for the monday; the important thing was they knew I wasnt asking them to do anything I wasnt prepared to do myself.

I may have been a crap manager, but at least the guys who reported to me respected my technical knowledge and saw me as 'one of them' - maybe thats a good thing, maybe a bad thing, I think it depends on the company.