"We don't develop contractors"

[Saddo]

Yep. Although I harbour a suspicion that ISO 9001 is actually a KGB plot to destroy capitalism from within.

Now why didn't I think of that? Rusky agents trained to repeat the message "say what you do, do what you say" endlessly. Probably cheaper and easier than supplying and using argon lamps.

[Paddy]

USB sticks will not read on these machines, the Google site is banned by the proxy server and you cannot look at online PDFs.

Don't really care to be honest, it's just the way they hire you for top dollar and then hinder your work.

SD Cards? VPN? Logmein.com?

[MarillionFan]

You have to love people and processes that hinder and slow you up.

First thing when you hit the ground is get as much system access and find as much documentation.

On my second day, the PM cut my access to the shared folders and stated I didn't need access to the database or application for the software they wanted to create a datawarehouse for!

Six weeks down the line, he asks me if it has conformed dimensions with the other datawarehouse and how quickly the dimensions will change based on the source system!!!

Funnily I got access the next day.

[Mich the Tester]

You have to love people and processes that hinder and slow you up.

First thing when you hit the ground is get as much system access and find as much documentation.

On my second day, the PM cut my access to blablabla

You mean you had access to stuff on your second day of invoicing?

You incompetent little man; you should be able to stretch it out to at least 2 weeks before you can do anything other than use your own mobile internet for CUK and pron.