Things you like to hear in the office

[Lockhouse]

My mate from Tennessee who has both types over there calls them either "Dots" or "Feathers" to tell the types apart.

[MaryPoppins]

He sounds, er - fun.

We are blessed with "very big fat, fat man" who has been shouting (actually shouting) because the vending machine is broken. His specific issue is apparantly:

"I pressed C0 for a f&^%ing TWIX and it didn't WORK, got STUCK. I kicked it and STILL nothing, wouldn't budge so I wasted ANOTHER 50p trying to get it out. STILL WOULDN'T MOVE.

So now I've got a Time Out!"

[Scary]

"Pub lunch!"

[Sysman]

I also like the loud American (who is the only person I have heard speak in the team this morning) telling everyone about how "ABC is really loud and opinionated".

Translation: "ABC doesn't agree with me"

[Paddy]

At former client co in NL.

US manager: “What do you mean, you can’t make people redundant?”
Dutch manager. “Under Dutch Law, when a company is making a profit; it is illegal to make staff redundant.”
US manager: “OK then, just make extra an 10% in redundancies for the UK office!”
Dutch manager: “I’ll get on to than now!”

[The Wikir Man]

At former client co in NL.

US manager: “What do you mean, you can’t make people redundant?”
Dutch manager. “Under Dutch Law, when a company is making a profit; it is illegal to make staff redundant.”
US manager: “OK then, just make extra an 10% in redundancies for the UK office!”
Dutch manager: “I’ll get on to than now!”

Many years back...

Larry Ellison: I made the decision personally - no bonus, no pay rise, no redundancies. We've had a global pay freeze so we don't have to make people redundant.

3 days later - Oracle UK consulting makes 10% redundant.

Me: So, will I be getting a bonus and a pay rise, then?
Manager: To be fair, 10% of UK consulting is nobody as far as Larry is concerned.

[MarillionFan]

Yes! Right away sir!!!!