Phone call.. Hello sir we're conducting a survey.

[Dark Black]

Home is ex-dir so I never get cold-call sales calls.

Had a few on the mobile though.

I usually say in my best "posh voice",

"Hello Control, are we go live ?"

..they usually stumble for a moment then launch in to their spiel.

I interrupt and say "Hello ? I don't think you are Control. How did you get this number ? It's a secure line. I'm afraid you have committed a security breach. Please stay on the line whilst we trace your call and dispatch a team".

No one has ever yet stayed on the line...

Quality...

[Platypus]

I interrupt and say "Hello ? I don't think you are Control. How did you get this number ? It's a secure line. I'm afraid you have committed a security breach. Please stay on the line whilst we trace your call and dispatch a team".

Ha! Best one yet!

I variously pretend to be a funeral parlour or that the person they are seeking (me) died suddenly last week and I'm clearing the house.

[Alf W]

"Sorry, I don't live here, I'm the burglar..."

I'm sure someone in Manchester got done for wasting police time after pulling this stunt when the Call Centre phoned the police to report it.

[Advocate]

"Hello sir we're calling as we believe we can offer a significant improvement on your current mobile contract"


"I'm very sorry but I don't have a phone"


"..."

[Moscow Mule]

Just had a call about life insurance, wanting me to sign up for a "free, no obligation quote"

Called me Mr "Wife's maiden name"
There's nobody here of that name.

Are you the homwowner?
No

Can I speak to them?
No they don't live here.

Can I speak to your mummy or daddy?
No they're both dead.

When will they be home?
Do you not understand the concept of death?

Eventually, he hung up (I Win!). But I will say, those from the sub-continent are definitely more persistent than UK based callers.

[Gravy Train]

I had someone knock on the door trying to sell me a sticker that i could put in the window which says something along the lines of "cold callers are not welcome, don't post free papers/menus " etc etc

He was asking for a pound for such sticker...


I'm not sure he saw the irony in what he was doing

[Svalbaard]

I used to have problems with these type of calls. I signed up to this and they have all gone away:

http://www.tpsonline.org.uk/tps/

[moorfield]

I just put the phone down and carry on with whatever I was doing eg. ablutions, cooking etc. and pick up the phone again 5 mins later. If they are dumb enough to still be on the line then I hang up.

[Moscow Mule]

I just put the phone down and carry on with whatever I was doing eg. ablutions, cooking etc. and pick up the phone again 5 mins later. If they are dumb enough to still be on the line then I hang up.

I do that with ones where you have to press a button if you want to talk to them. Press the button, then put the phone down next to the computer speakers if I'm in the office. The longest I heard one carry on with "hello? anybody there?" was about 3 mins.

[Board Game Geek]

I remember reading a prank someone played once.

The general jist was as follows.

Oh wait...I found it on You Tube....it's a classic.