Little Gems of Advice (Viz Style)

[wendigo100]

Romantic problems? Post them on here and get good, sensible, solid advice.

[BoredBloke]

Old toe nail clippings make an ideal substitute for tooth picks. Indeed their shape is ideal for hooking out those hard to reach bits of food caught between your teeth.

[sasguru]

Don't have a brain? Mentally retarded? Simply post drivel on CUK.

[freakydancer]

Don't have a brain? Mentally retarded? Simply post drivel on CUK.

Exhibit A m'lud

[EternalOptimist]

Contractors

fool permies into thinking you are a touch deaf by farting loudly, ignoring the phone when it rings, and talk very loudly to agents on your mobile.

[Numptycorner]

Lorry drivers. On dual-carriageways, use both lanes to travel side by side up hills and keep each other company.

on a similar note, driving too close behind slow moving lories and decide you want to go slightly faster? Simply pull out infront of a faster moving car, it will help if you don't indicate and don't speed up at all. Don't think twice, A&E is a much better service these days.

[wendigo100]

Would-be cricketers. Fool your friends into thinking you are an England test cricketer by drinking 10 pints of Stella and getting an accomplice to drive you round and round Trafalgar Square while you lean out of the sunroof.

[foritisme]

Help save the planet - Dilute your drinking water

[gingerjedi]

on a similar note, driving too close behind slow moving lories and decide you want to go slightly faster? Simply pull out infront of a faster moving car, it will help if you don't indicate and don't speed up at all. Don't think twice, A&E is a much better service these days.

There was a Spanish lorry driver who done a proper job on feckin up the M5 yesterday, he jack-knifed the lorry across all three lanes and knocked a lamppost across the other three.

Tens of thousands of people couldn’t get to work or go home because of this, he's already been to court and been fined £450 and got six points (which is meaningless on a Spanish driving licence), the cost to the local economy probably ran into the millions let alone all the kids who were stuck at school and emergency services who couldn’t get through.

[Kyajae]

There was a Spanish lorry driver who done a proper job on feckin up the M5 yesterday, he jack-knifed the lorry across all three lanes and knocked a lamppost across the other three.

Tens of thousands of people couldn’t get to work or go home because of this, he's already been to court and been fined £450 and got six points (which is meaningless on a Spanish driving licence), the cost to the local economy probably ran into the millions let alone all the kids who were stuck at school and emergency services who couldn’t get through.

Spanish Lorry Driver. Avoid causing accidents by ensuring your cab is fitted with see-through windows