Plan B

[Fronttoback]

Plan K

Plan K

That's Deliveroo.

Sorry Tom, but you're not synergetic right now. Stay with me..

Deliveroo is "point to point". They simply take food from shop to consumer. I'm talking about a complete freeing up of the kebab market. As a consumer, as long as the product is good enough (*) , you shouldn't care where it comes from - you just go to kebabs direct and the market provides.

You could be knocking these kebabs out in your back garden with what's left from your BBQ this afternoon. Are you on board now, Tom?

(*) Kebabs direct is self regulating - deliverers are rated by consumers like on eBay. Any deliverer with a low enough "Mara-Doner" score gets a red card. The deliverer owns the quality obligation. That's how it works, Tom.

 

[MarillionFan]

Sorry Tom, but you're not synergetic right now. Stay with me..

Deliveroo is "point to point". They simply take food from shop to consumer. I'm talking about a complete freeing up of the kebab market. As a consumer, as long as the product is good enough (*) , you shouldn't care where it comes from - you just go to kebabs direct and the market provides.

You could be knocking these kebabs out in your back garden with what's left from your BBQ this afternoon. Are you on board now, Tom?

(*) Kebabs direct is self regulating - deliverers are rated by consumers like on eBay. Any deliverer with a low enough "Mara-Doner" score gets a red card. The deliverer owns the quality obligation. That's how it works, Tom.

Mara-Doner, Red card. LOL. Nice touch.

 

[northernladyuk]

Sorry Tom, but you're not synergetic right now. Stay with me..

Deliveroo is "point to point". They simply take food from shop to consumer. I'm talking about a complete freeing up of the kebab market. As a consumer, as long as the product is good enough (*) , you shouldn't care where it comes from - you just go to kebabs direct and the market provides.

You could be knocking these kebabs out in your back garden with what's left from your BBQ this afternoon. Are you on board now, Tom?

(*) Kebabs direct is self regulating - deliverers are rated by consumers like on eBay. Any deliverer with a low enough "Mara-Doner" score gets a red card. The deliverer owns the quality obligation. That's how it works, Tom.

We need gamification and flexible market dynamics. You want a kebab Saturday night then you are bidding up for a quick delivery or taking a discounted rate but accepting a wider time slot so you can be bumped for a premium customer. Wednesday morning and there is a reverse auction with off peak loyalty points. 10 points and your next off peak delivery is made by a hot Polish dwarf.

 

[vetran]

We need gamification and flexible market dynamics. You want a kebab Saturday night then you are bidding up for a quick delivery or taking a discounted rate but accepting a wider time slot so you can be bumped for a premium customer. Wednesday morning and there is a reverse auction with off peak loyalty points. 10 points and your next off peak delivery is made by a hot Polish dwarf.

you obviously have experience with this market,

 

[northernladyuk]

you obviously have experience with this market,

Please. Don't cheapen this.

 

[tomtomagain]

Sorry Tom, but you're not synergetic right now. Stay with me..

Deliveroo is "point to point". They simply take food from shop to consumer. I'm talking about a complete freeing up of the kebab market. As a consumer, as long as the product is good enough (*) , you shouldn't care where it comes from - you just go to kebabs direct and the market provides.

You could be knocking these kebabs out in your back garden with what's left from your BBQ this afternoon. Are you on board now, Tom?

(*) Kebabs direct is self regulating - deliverers are rated by consumers like on eBay. Any deliverer with a low enough "Mara-Doner" score gets a red card. The deliverer owns the quality obligation. That's how it works, Tom.

OK. I got you.

Whereas Deliveroo is a service that uses "Self-Employed" people ( or "media studies graduates" as they are also known ) to avoid paying the minimum wage and thus allowing the purveyors of low cost, low quality goods to deliver to their end customers at a price that otherwise be impossible to achieve you are proposing the creation of an ICE style market for junk food.

Allowing me, the consumer, to purchase a kebab by "hitting" the market, matching my purchase the to one of many sellers.

I like it. So we get dynamic pricing. A Kebab ordered on Friday night at 2:00am costs more than one for delivery at 10:00am on a Wednesday.

And of course, we can have kebab derivatives. Kebab shop owners can sell future contracts to lock in their profits and provide stability in the otherwise volatile kebab market and to hedge against fluctuations in the price of that strange elephant-leg that they "cook" by warming it over a small heater for 12 hours.


Good thinking.

Go and do it and report back in 12 months.

 

[Fronttoback]

And of course, we can have kebab derivatives. Kebab shop owners can sell future contracts to lock in their profits and provide stability in the otherwise volatile kebab market and to hedge against fluctuations in the price of that strange elephant-leg that they "cook" by warming it over a small heater for 12 hours

Are you taking the piss? The whole point is that there will be no kebab shop owners anymore. Or rather- we will all be kebab shop owners. Just like Uber levelled the taxi playing field, Kebabs Direct opens up the kebab market to the ambitious home chef. There is untapped value in your fridge and I'm unlocking it. It doesn't take a Gordon Ramsey to make a good kebab. In fact, kebabs direct has a recipe section for new signups.

The kebab shops have dominated for too long- but smart phones were a game changer.

Watch this space.

 

[tomtomagain]

Are you taking the piss?

Of course not. I am fully onboard with your attempts to revolutionise the Kebab market.

There is untapped value in your fridge and I'm unlocking it.

There is something in my fridge, but it isn't untapped value.

 

[northernladyuk]

Of course not. I am fully onboard with your attempts to revolutionise the Kebab market.



There is something in my fridge, but it isn't untapped value.

You are a sheep. Do you know what happens to sheep in the kebab trade?

 

[vetran]

You are a sheep. Do you know what happens to sheep in the kebab trade?

They get shagged? Oh that is only in Wales.