- Thanks received
- 0
-
Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
End Users
- Thread starter HankWangford
- Start date
but to make it hard to guess I use random telephone numbers after each verb. 
- Thanks received
- 4
- Thanks received
- 1
- Thanks received
- 4
- Thanks received
- 8
Passwords are funny things...some users hate them, some don't mind.
It's always the ones who hate them that either
a)write it on a post-it and stick it to the monitor.
b)forget it every 5 minutes and ask for a daily password reset.
I've got to the point now where I ask myself, what's the frigging point ?
Why should I be responsible for securing the data of these moronic, sub-human IQ, dribbling chimpanzees when they can't even wipe their own fetid asses ? Can't we give them Etch-A-Sketches or something ?
Hence, all users have now signed an "IT Policy" saying that safeguarding their own data is their own "personal responsibility, in line with IT Governance".
One letter from IT Governance to all staff, which they sign, and we are off the hook. Most of them don't even read it, ffs.
We're just waiting for the 1st to get compromised and we are going to get medieval on their sorry bottom.
Why are companies in this day and age still recruiting staff that cannot even find the frigging on button ? Why do we put up with this 5hit ?
Can you imagine a new Nurse (ooer) in an Op Theatre.
Surgeon : "Afternoon Nurse. Our next patient will be Mr. Smith. Today, we will be going to remove a gall stone.”
Nurse : “Yeah, right, gotcha.
<mobile phone rings>
Nurse : Oh…’ang on…I forgot to turn me mobile off. Just a mo….ello…yeah…it’s me…look…I’m in theatre…..no…hospital theatre silly….yeah…right…..oh……ok…..well use an absorbent towel…gotta go….luv ya”
Surgeon <dryly>: “A medical emergency of your own, Nurse ?”
Nurse : “Sort of….we got a new puppy at the weekend. He’s done a whoopsie on the new carpet in the living room and..”
Surgeon <cutting short> “Yes, thank you Nurse. Scrub up and prepare for surgery.”
Nurse : “Yes Doctor”
<Mr Smith is wheeled in, sedated with a Local, primarily because the Hospital is so desperate for cash that Locals cost less, and with the patient still conscious, they can film the entire Op on “Multi-Media Zoom-Cam DVD” for the patient to buy when they leave theatre.>
Surgeon : “Nurse, Number 2 Forceps, please.”
Nurse : “Number 2…..Number 2…..’ang on….er…that’s these ones, yes ?”
Surgeon <icily>: “No Nurse. That is a Speculum. It is a tool for investigating vaginal cavities. Unless Mr Smith was previously a Miss or Mrs Smith before he/she came in here, that particular tool might be classified as somewhat redundant, if not peculiarly sexual in the current frame of reference.”
Nurse <blushes> : “Ooops…sorry…here we are, Number 2 Forceps” <passes them over>
Surgeon: “Thank you. Right, you see the incision I made here ?”
Nurse : “Yes, pretty nifty…above the navel …..say, did you ever do needlecraft at school ?”
Surgeon: “Thank you. No. Look, please concentrate Nurse. What is that organ you can now see using the laparoscopic camera ?
Nurse <peering in> “Um….the…er…squidgy thing….Pancake ?”
Surgeon <sighs> : “Pancreas, Nurse, Pancreas. Now follow the pancreatic duct. Where does it go ?”
Nurse : “To the dark green thingy. Ewwwwwwww…that’s gross. What’s that ?”
Surgeon <maleovelntly> “It’s the Mucus Sac. All humans have one. It’s where Phlegm comes from.”
Nurse : “That is just, like, so gross”
Surgeon <sighs>:”Actually, it’s the Gall Bladder. Do you know what the Gall Bladder does, Nurse ? <growing sarcastic>. Go on. Take a guess. It’s not a part of an Aircraft Carrier or an Economy Seven Heater”
Nurse <ponders> “Ok….bladder…..so storage area for liquid. But this is not for urine, but for gall. Hang on….Got it….Gall….that was a place in North West France ? My little brother had these cartoony books. And the French like their wine…so…..Gall Bladder is a storage area for wine that you have drunk ?”
Surgeon <slowly> : The gallbladder stores bile, which is released when food containing fat enters the digestive tract, stimulating the secretion of cholecystokinin . The bile emulsifies fats and neutralizes acids in partly digested food. After being stored in the gallbladder, the bile becomes more concentrated than when it left the liver, increasing its potency and intensifying its effect on fats.
Nurse : “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!! Freaking Amazing ! Ok…I got that…..no probs. Sweet.”
Surgeon : “Pass me the laparoscopic tool”
Nurse : “Ooops…I think I slipped. Ewwww…what’s that…it’s like a fishy thing ?”
Surgeon <resigned> “Congratulations Nurse. You are the first person in the field of Medical Science to find an uncharted route during a navel laparoscopy to somehow “get lost” in the human body and manage to find a way down to the patient’s testicles and view sperm sailing past.”
Patient : <commences cardiac arrest>
It's always the ones who hate them that either
a)write it on a post-it and stick it to the monitor.
b)forget it every 5 minutes and ask for a daily password reset.
I've got to the point now where I ask myself, what's the frigging point ?
Why should I be responsible for securing the data of these moronic, sub-human IQ, dribbling chimpanzees when they can't even wipe their own fetid asses ? Can't we give them Etch-A-Sketches or something ?
Hence, all users have now signed an "IT Policy" saying that safeguarding their own data is their own "personal responsibility, in line with IT Governance".
One letter from IT Governance to all staff, which they sign, and we are off the hook. Most of them don't even read it, ffs.
We're just waiting for the 1st to get compromised and we are going to get medieval on their sorry bottom.
Why are companies in this day and age still recruiting staff that cannot even find the frigging on button ? Why do we put up with this 5hit ?
Can you imagine a new Nurse (ooer) in an Op Theatre.
Surgeon : "Afternoon Nurse. Our next patient will be Mr. Smith. Today, we will be going to remove a gall stone.”
Nurse : “Yeah, right, gotcha.
<mobile phone rings>
Nurse : Oh…’ang on…I forgot to turn me mobile off. Just a mo….ello…yeah…it’s me…look…I’m in theatre…..no…hospital theatre silly….yeah…right…..oh……ok…..well use an absorbent towel…gotta go….luv ya”
Surgeon <dryly>: “A medical emergency of your own, Nurse ?”
Nurse : “Sort of….we got a new puppy at the weekend. He’s done a whoopsie on the new carpet in the living room and..”
Surgeon <cutting short> “Yes, thank you Nurse. Scrub up and prepare for surgery.”
Nurse : “Yes Doctor”
<Mr Smith is wheeled in, sedated with a Local, primarily because the Hospital is so desperate for cash that Locals cost less, and with the patient still conscious, they can film the entire Op on “Multi-Media Zoom-Cam DVD” for the patient to buy when they leave theatre.>
Surgeon : “Nurse, Number 2 Forceps, please.”
Nurse : “Number 2…..Number 2…..’ang on….er…that’s these ones, yes ?”
Surgeon <icily>: “No Nurse. That is a Speculum. It is a tool for investigating vaginal cavities. Unless Mr Smith was previously a Miss or Mrs Smith before he/she came in here, that particular tool might be classified as somewhat redundant, if not peculiarly sexual in the current frame of reference.”
Nurse <blushes> : “Ooops…sorry…here we are, Number 2 Forceps” <passes them over>
Surgeon: “Thank you. Right, you see the incision I made here ?”
Nurse : “Yes, pretty nifty…above the navel …..say, did you ever do needlecraft at school ?”
Surgeon: “Thank you. No. Look, please concentrate Nurse. What is that organ you can now see using the laparoscopic camera ?
Nurse <peering in> “Um….the…er…squidgy thing….Pancake ?”
Surgeon <sighs> : “Pancreas, Nurse, Pancreas. Now follow the pancreatic duct. Where does it go ?”
Nurse : “To the dark green thingy. Ewwwwwwww…that’s gross. What’s that ?”
Surgeon <maleovelntly> “It’s the Mucus Sac. All humans have one. It’s where Phlegm comes from.”
Nurse : “That is just, like, so gross”
Surgeon <sighs>:”Actually, it’s the Gall Bladder. Do you know what the Gall Bladder does, Nurse ? <growing sarcastic>. Go on. Take a guess. It’s not a part of an Aircraft Carrier or an Economy Seven Heater”
Nurse <ponders> “Ok….bladder…..so storage area for liquid. But this is not for urine, but for gall. Hang on….Got it….Gall….that was a place in North West France ? My little brother had these cartoony books. And the French like their wine…so…..Gall Bladder is a storage area for wine that you have drunk ?”
Surgeon <slowly> : The gallbladder stores bile, which is released when food containing fat enters the digestive tract, stimulating the secretion of cholecystokinin . The bile emulsifies fats and neutralizes acids in partly digested food. After being stored in the gallbladder, the bile becomes more concentrated than when it left the liver, increasing its potency and intensifying its effect on fats.
Nurse : “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!! Freaking Amazing ! Ok…I got that…..no probs. Sweet.”
Surgeon : “Pass me the laparoscopic tool”
Nurse : “Ooops…I think I slipped. Ewwww…what’s that…it’s like a fishy thing ?”
Surgeon <resigned> “Congratulations Nurse. You are the first person in the field of Medical Science to find an uncharted route during a navel laparoscopy to somehow “get lost” in the human body and manage to find a way down to the patient’s testicles and view sperm sailing past.”
Patient : <commences cardiac arrest>
