Kill me now

[vetran]

If I were rewarded with photos of various cup sizes depending on how well I was doing I might make more of an effort.

[quackhandle]

I remember having to work with a manager who was known in client co for being a real ballbreaker, hard to work with and just not a nice person.

I found out early doors that if I sent all my work (huge data archive with timings, etc) in Excel with pretty tables and graphs he loved it. The more I jazzed up the data with colours and fonts the more he liked me.

He was a nice as a kitten by the time I'd finished the gig.

qh

[Churchill]

Just came back from a meeting with one of my clients.

Client: Regarding the lessons learnt I asked you to provide for the last project.

Me: Yes, I sent it to you, with all the information you requested.

Client: I have to send it to the business owners, it's just text. Could you put it in PowerPoint and make it a bit more colourful and maybe a few charts and graphics.

Its lessons learnt FFS, not the latest edition of the Beano.

Ooh. Make sure you include some pictures of a little stick man at the computer. Perhaps all round the edge of the powerpoint slide, as a border.

Stick a massive pie chart in the bottom centre, and put some wording underneath in very small itallic: it should be noted that the data reflected above is meaningless

Nah, it's all about infographics these days, innit...

Why else would you employ a woman?

[bless 'em all]

Just start each slide with a supersize first letter in the text .....

1) Facts
2) Updates
3) Changes
4) Knowledge
5) Experience
6) Date
7) Users
8) Progress

See if anyone notices?

[northernladuk]

I remember having to work with a manager who was known in client co for being a real ballbreaker, hard to work with and just not a nice person.

I found out early he liked boobs

He was a nice as a kitten by the time I'd finished the gig.

qh

FTFY