Everyone's doing it....

[MarillionFan]

PA23 is Dunoon, you fanny.

Look. If it's North of Watford I'm going to struggle.

 

[TestMangler]

Look. If it's North of my shoes, I'm going to struggle.

FTFY

 

[MaryPoppins]

Not for myself of course, but so prospective candidates can judge the value of applying

Any pictures of yourself?
Any naked pictures of yourself?
Boobs holding up or heading South?
Will you sleep on the damp patch?
How filthy are you talking?
Are your female friends attractive in lets have a threesome manner?

Thanks for the example of the type of response to avoid. Leaving aside your banal questions; your grammar is horrible.

You've got all the necessary attributes MP. a)You're female & alive b)You're on a dating site.

You'll get loads of applications

You are one smooth talker.

 

[TestMangler]

You are one smooth talker.

I might have spoiled it if I'd told you a) was probably optional.

Only trying to help dear

 

[Old Greg]

My god, it's like Scotlands answer to Ant & Dec. To be fair, you have something in common with them. I cannot tell either one apart. I cannot understand a word they say and I cannot even tell which one the funny or clever one is coupled with it's difficult to tell which one the homosexual one is. Hopefully you'll be presenting Scotland Has No Talent shortly.

Don't dwell too much on which is gay. They're both way out of your league. Best stick to being Queen of the Glory Hole down the bus station public conveniences.

 

[Troll]

Thanks for the example of the type of response to avoid. Leaving aside your banal questions; your grammar is horrible.
.

So in addition to filthy sex & DIY skills, grammar is also a must have?

 

[MaryPoppins]

So in addition to filthy sex & DIY skills, grammar is also a must have?

1. Humour. Same as mine.
2. Grammar.
3. Filth.
4. DIY skills.
5. Nice neck.

End of priority requirements.

 

[Old Greg]

My god, it's like Scotlands answer to Ant & Dec. To be fair, you have something in common with them. I cannot tell either one apart. I cannot understand a word they say and I cannot even tell which one the funny or clever one is coupled with it's difficult to tell which one the homosexual one is. Hopefully you'll be presenting Scotland Has No Talent shortly.

Don't dwell too much on which is gay. They're both way out of your league. Best stick to being Queen of the Glory Hole down the bus station public conveniences.

 

[Troll]

1. Humour. Same as mine.
2. Grammar.
3. Filth.
4. DIY skills.
5. Nice neck.

End of priority requirements.

wtf has a nice neck got to do with anything...is that a fetish?

 

[doodab]

I like TM's idea about allowing CUK to filter applications. I sound f.kcing arrogant - not that I assume there would be loads to filter, like.

It's a good idea. It'll raise more than a few laughs.

I did some experiments a few years ago (purely as research for a plan B ) and based on those I estimate that women receive between 5-10 times the number of responses that men do for equivalent quality "normal" advertisements, but anything vaguely suggestive posted by a woman is pounced on like a piece of steak in a piranha tank. You will get hundreds of responses, ranging from "come for a ride on my yacht" to people with English as a second language telling you how much they respect women and offering you "a good respecting", to lengthy mills and boon wannabees describing the passage of their mouth over your body in minute detail, and 50% of them will send you a photo of their cock (we don't want to see those, unless they are particularly oddly shaped)