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Inspired by Mr Shoes in a previous thread, I think we should all have the opportunity to ghost-write AtW's soon-to-be-bestselling autobiography:
'Dances with Squirrels'
Chapter 1 - The Early Years
Hello dear reader. My name is Alexi and I am fiendish coder and all round expert in many many subjects - especially economics.
This is the first page of my fascinating, best-selling biography which I hope you will like very much. It was so lucky of you to find it by rummaging around in the the 33 for 1 shelf at Waterstones.
Who would have though that I, Alexi, a poor peasant boy from Belarus would one day invent the incredible SKA and have Serge Brin polishing my Primark casual slip-ons with his tongue?
I was born in Minsk in 1965 to two dreary peasants of indeterminate gender. The pregnancy was state-sponsored in a drive to breed more geniuses. As you can see, I am living testament to this far-sighted initiative.
The geography of Minsk was formed during the two most recent Ice Ages. The Svislach river, which flows across the city from the northwest to the southeast. There are no squirrels in Minsk.
Momski and Papski toiled in the potato fields for 23 hours a day and had little time to devote to their beloved Alexi.
I, however, flourished and soon become the class swot at the Minsk Academy for the Outstandingly Self-Important (sorry, there is no exact English Translation).
Even at that tender age, I had a dream! A dream that just had to be realised and fulfilled.
One afternoon, I visited the childrens' section of Minsk Public Library. Suddenly, something caught my eye. It was a picture book, with a strange, furry arboreal rodent on the cover.
I will never forget it. The title was 'Samski the Naughty Squirrel' (but in Cyrillic).
I stood there open mouthed. Transfixed to the spot.
Suddenly I realised my destiny.
I would become the greatest squirrelologist in history.
'Dances with Squirrels'
Chapter 1 - The Early Years
Hello dear reader. My name is Alexi and I am fiendish coder and all round expert in many many subjects - especially economics.
This is the first page of my fascinating, best-selling biography which I hope you will like very much. It was so lucky of you to find it by rummaging around in the the 33 for 1 shelf at Waterstones.
Who would have though that I, Alexi, a poor peasant boy from Belarus would one day invent the incredible SKA and have Serge Brin polishing my Primark casual slip-ons with his tongue?
I was born in Minsk in 1965 to two dreary peasants of indeterminate gender. The pregnancy was state-sponsored in a drive to breed more geniuses. As you can see, I am living testament to this far-sighted initiative.
The geography of Minsk was formed during the two most recent Ice Ages. The Svislach river, which flows across the city from the northwest to the southeast. There are no squirrels in Minsk.
Momski and Papski toiled in the potato fields for 23 hours a day and had little time to devote to their beloved Alexi.
I, however, flourished and soon become the class swot at the Minsk Academy for the Outstandingly Self-Important (sorry, there is no exact English Translation).
Even at that tender age, I had a dream! A dream that just had to be realised and fulfilled.
One afternoon, I visited the childrens' section of Minsk Public Library. Suddenly, something caught my eye. It was a picture book, with a strange, furry arboreal rodent on the cover.
I will never forget it. The title was 'Samski the Naughty Squirrel' (but in Cyrillic).
I stood there open mouthed. Transfixed to the spot.
Suddenly I realised my destiny.
I would become the greatest squirrelologist in history.
