Put Downs

[Diver]

I thought good sex burned calories though!

I must be doing something wrong then

 

[Denny]

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception....

Follow on response:
....and make doubly sure you don't forget it [followed by a punch on the nose].

 

[DimPrawn]

It's like a penis, only smaller.

 

[daviejones]

If you see 2 people talking, and one person looks bored, then he is the other one!!!

 

[Churchill]

My mate came out with a cracker the other week. We were at the Police concert at Twickenham, yabbering away and enjoying the gig - you know loud music, few beers, singing along to the lyrics we knew, when some middle aged, suburban house wife type in her best home counties accent leans over and say's 'Excuse me, do you mind not talking - we're trying to listen to the concert'.

My mate replies, sharp as you like, 'Yes we do mind', turns back and keeps yacking.

She must have though she was there to see the London Philarmonic or something ...

Reminds me of an "M People" concert I went to. I was sat watching the concert and the fooker in front of me kept standing up and dancing on his seat with his missus.

I told said fooker that I hadn't paid good money to watch his dancing.

He replied that I "should get a life!"

To which I stood up and whispered in his ear that if he didn't sit down and shut the fook up that he "should get an ambulance".

Said fooker promptly shut up and told his wife to sit down.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

Reminds me of an "M People" concert I went to. I was sat watching the concert and the fooker in front of me kept standing up and dancing on his seat with his missus.

I told said fooker that I hadn't paid good money to watch his dancing.

He replied that I "should get a life!"

To which I stood up and whispered in his ear that if he didn't sit down and shut the fook up that he "should get an ambulance".

Said fooker promptly shut up and told his wife to sit down.

You went to an 'M People' concert. Unlucky, lol.

 

[Churchill]

You went to an 'M People' concert. Unlucky, lol.

Yeah, my ex-wife said I'd enjoy it.

I didn't.

 

[cailin maith]

Yeah, my ex-wife said I'd enjoy it.

I didn't.

Churchill - are you my ex husband?

 

[DimPrawn]

Churchill - are you my ex husband?

Now that would be funny!

 

[MrsGoof]

In a comedy club in Brighton where the compare would harp on about baldness (he was bald)
went upto someone in the front row and asked
"How long have you been bald"
the guy replied
"Since the chemo started"
the silence was defening