Reply to: Should I stay or should I go?

[vetran]

MF, you are having a nervous breakdown.

You seem to hate yourself, and have a self destruct button. This hole you are digging for yourself goes a lot lower.

It's time to get out, now. And get some professional help.

Sometimes, the best way to man up isn't to stay and fight.

Truly HTH

Damn, I'm agreeing with Suity

Honestly man, you supposedly have enough money to not work, take some time off this isn't doing you any good.

[suityou01]

MF, you are having a nervous breakdown.

You seem to hate yourself, and have a self destruct button. This hole you are digging for yourself goes a lot lower.

It's time to get out, now. And get some professional help.

Sometimes, the best way to man up isn't to stay and fight.

Truly HTH

[No2politics]

Have a holiday (vacation)?

[FatLazyContractor]

Ooo!. I've started having panic attacks. This is new.

Just let it pass MF. You are almost there. One more foot down the ground to go

[MarillionFan]

Assuming you're being serious, that's a dumb approach which you know full well. Got a mate dealing with PTSD with full blown panic attacks which typically get triggered at work in even slightly stressful situations. He did get shot at and tied up in his home though. My point is it's a slippery slope and no laughing matter and is not something that can be resolved via self medicating, it needs professional attention. In my honest opinion. Good luck.

Ooo!. I've started having panic attacks. This is new.

Some continuing office politics kicked off yesterday causing me to have a panic attack. Then summoned to see my boss, where I let slip I was going to walk. Brilliant.
I then headed to the gym for an hour and a half and was unable to complete my work for a presentation at 9am today because of stress, now been up most of the night working on it. This is a worthwhile trip.

MF note to self. MTFU.

[oracleslave]

It's a sign of weakness and all mental-quasi-quackery. I'll just deal with it myself and bore you all with it instead.

Assuming you're being serious, that's a dumb approach which you know full well. Got a mate dealing with PTSD with full blown panic attacks which typically get triggered at work in even slightly stressful situations. He did get shot at and tied up in his home though. My point is it's a slippery slope and no laughing matter and is not something that can be resolved via self medicating, it needs professional attention. In my honest opinion. Good luck.

[MrMarkyMark]

especially when I re-arranged her furniture and straightened the picture on her wall.

I hope you invoiced her for that .

[BrilloPad]

Doctor offered to sign me off this afternoon with stress and suggested I get some professional help, especially when I re-arranged her furniture and straightened the picture on her wall. I declined. It's a sign of weakness and all mental-quasi-quackery. I'll just deal with it myself and bore you all with it instead.

Put on a batman suit and climb parliament. Worked for me.

[MarillionFan]

So you gonna wait till you have a full on breakdown, or quit while you've still got a modicum of dignity in tact?

FTFY

I suggest you seek some professional help, is that covered as part of your, extensive, permy benefits?

Never can tell with you if there is an in joke that I am missing but if the above is truthful. Assuming it is accurate, I'd agree with mudskipper that you might be on a slippery slope and to get out now as your coping mechanisms sound like they'll have a limited lifespan.

Doctor offered to sign me off this afternoon with stress and suggested I get some professional help, especially when I re-arranged her furniture and straightened the picture on her wall. I declined. It's a sign of weakness and all mental-quasi-quackery. I'll just deal with it myself and bore you all with it instead.

[rl4engc]

I'm basically a business savvy techie.

Sounds like you need to update your CV to make it Tech only, then apply for another contract where your job is basically to get some tech job done. Leave the management/politics of it to the PM's and such like, they can deal with all the stress and politics and meetings, you just get the real work done.

I also find tech only jobs, there's a lot less competition for the roles. I think most people "strive" to be managers etc. and think of the coalface jobs as below them. Fine by me!

[oracleslave]

But I like to be hands-on, so take time off to develop new ideas (to a prototype level) before getting others to finish it.

There are a few things in there that ring alarm bells. What you like to do and what the organisation demands and expects from you in terms of results could be vastly different things.

If it's not in your objectives or you're not being measured against this activity in terms of any sort of assessment of your results - then it's largely an obstacle preventing you from being successful in your core purpose and hence no wonder you work every hour under the sun.

You refer to it as "take time off" to perform this activity that you like. I know how I'd see that from a boss / company perspective and it's not good.

The second I do this though, you're accused of not managing / communicating etc, so it's like a nasty cycle for me. I love creating things, I hate managing them or the people.

So to do both, I rack up the hours. I then have to listen to all the whinges / personal complaints from people below me, but I have no way to vent it out myself. Hence ContractorUk.

If you hate managing people - you're in the wrong role by the sounds of it and better off out of it for everyone concerned sake as you just will not be any good at it. At higher levels, getting things done is about people and your relationship with them and if you don't dedicate time to these relationships you're screwed.

There are processes you can put in place to deal with the communication and whinging. Things like delegating downwards effectively and 1 on 1's if need be with your directs is a start.

[MrMarkyMark]

I think the modern workplace is too centred around meetings, that achieve very little but waste loads of time and possible give the organisers a feeling of self-worth.

Exactly. I refuse nearly all, unless I consider I will offer real value being there.

I once worked for a major arms manufacturer, who get PM's in fresh out of Uni, have no idea about the technical side of the product they are selling, and just sit in meetings all day, or book "Pre-Meetings", I was astounded anything ever got done.. "We need to discuss xyz, OK, I'll set up a meeting for next Thursday.."

Are you sure they didn't work for Accenture .

But I like to be hands-on, so take time off to develop new ideas (to a prototype level) before getting others to finish it.

Same here. Unfortunately, it seems the higher you get up the chain, the less of this you can do.

[MarillionFan]

My 2p,

I'm pure technical (some call it bottom feeder.. ) which is how I like it. I get the tech side done, have very few meetings, start and finish when I want, no stress, no great responsibilities (save doing the tech bit right) and get paid a lot as a contractor.

My boss ("Technical Lead") is in meetings all day, permie, lower pay, has apraisals, risk of redundancy, never gets to get his hands dirty much, etc.

I think the modern workplace is too centred around meetings, that achieve very little but waste loads of time and possible give the organisers a feeling of self-worth.

I once worked for a major arms manufacturer, who get PM's in fresh out of Uni, have no idea about the technical side of the product they are selling, and just sit in meetings all day, or book "Pre-Meetings", I was astounded anything ever got done.. "We need to discuss xyz, OK, I'll set up a meeting for next Thursday.."

I'm basically a business savvy techie. I've spent more time now on knowing how to solve a problem / issue / project than actually coding it though. But I like to be hands-on, so take time off to develop new ideas (to a prototype level) before getting others to finish it. The second I do this though, you're accused of not managing / communicating etc, so it's like a nasty cycle for me. I love creating things, I hate managing them or the people.

So to do both, I rack up the hours. I then have to listen to all the whinges / personal complaints from people below me, but I have no way to vent it out myself. Hence ContractorUk.

[rl4engc]

My 2p,

I'm pure technical (some call it bottom feeder.. ) which is how I like it. I get the tech side done, have very few meetings, start and finish when I want, no stress, no great responsibilities (save doing the tech bit right) and get paid a lot as a contractor.

My boss ("Technical Lead") is in meetings all day, permie, lower pay, has apraisals, risk of redundancy, never gets to get his hands dirty much, etc.

I think the modern workplace is too centred around meetings, that achieve very little but waste loads of time and possible give the organisers a feeling of self-worth.

I once worked for a major arms manufacturer, who get PM's in fresh out of Uni, have no idea about the technical side of the product they are selling, and just sit in meetings all day, or book "Pre-Meetings", I was astounded anything ever got done.. "We need to discuss xyz, OK, I'll set up a meeting for next Thursday.."

[original PM]

Take a look at your calendar and assess the things you have in there against your objectives (given you're a permie) I'll bet 75% of the activities in there don't even help you achieve your objectives - which you need to in order to hit your bonus right? It's your calendar so take some control of it FFS. Get your mindset into declining every calendar invite you receive as the default reaction.

Common error

Often permie goals are over and above your 'day job'

so you may work on helpdesk - and you will have performance targets you need to hit before you get 'performance managed' and then over an above you will get other goals - such as write an FAQ for system x or define a new process for scenario y

but as MF said at his level it is more achieve some goal z.... and then you need to get your staff's goals aligned to help achieve that.

MF I do some Exec Coaching if you need a session or two!