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    Being British

    Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!


    Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.



    Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
    DIET coke.

    Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.



    Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.



    Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
    rink.

    NOT TO MENTION..

    3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.



    142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.



    58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
    screwdrivers.

    31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
    fairy lights were plugged in.

    19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

    British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas
    cracker-pulling accidents.

    18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
    cigarette in their mouth.

    A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

    5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control
    Scalextric cars.

    and finally...
    In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls
    incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

    Comment


      Originally posted by Ardesco
      Being British

      Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!


      Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.



      Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

      Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
      DIET coke.

      Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

      Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.



      Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.



      Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
      rink.

      NOT TO MENTION..

      3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.



      142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.



      58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
      screwdrivers.

      31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
      fairy lights were plugged in.

      19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

      British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas
      cracker-pulling accidents.

      18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
      cigarette in their mouth.

      A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

      5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control
      Scalextric cars.

      and finally...
      In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls
      incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
      A Brit with his head down the Bog
      ...
      (\__/)
      (>'.'<)
      ("")("") Born to Drink. Forced to Work

      Comment


        3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
        I dont believe that one! I always test batteries like that.
        bloggoth

        If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
        John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

        Comment


          Opening beer bottles with teeth is asking for trouble. I do use mine to strip insulation or cut string but I always open bottles of beer with my arse. That's what god meant us to use it for, why else would the pattern round it exactly match the pattern on a beer bottle top?
          bloggoth

          If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
          John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

          Comment


            Originally posted by xoggoth
            Opening beer bottles with teeth is asking for trouble. I do use mine to strip insulation or cut string but I always open bottles of beer with my arse. That's what god meant us to use it for, why else would the pattern round it exactly match the pattern on a beer bottle top?
            You mean you dont do it with your belly button like everyone else?
            "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

            Comment


              Originally posted by xoggoth
              Opening beer bottles with teeth is asking for trouble. I do use mine to strip insulation or cut string but I always open bottles of beer with my arse. That's what god meant us to use it for, why else would the pattern round it exactly match the pattern on a beer bottle top?
              Sad thing is I have actually ended up in casualty after opening a beer bottle with my teeth. It wasn't coming so I bit harder and managed to bite the whole bottle top off. The nurses had a good old laugh at my expense, managed to slice up my gums a bit and cut my lip open.

              Quite funny looking bac on it, but not at the time....

              Comment


                I'm not proud of it but once when I was very young and drunk, I took a bite out the pint glass I was drinking from. Amazingly I didn't cut myself at all.
                The acquantainces who saw it gave me a wide berth after that incident.
                Hard Brexit now!
                #prayfornodeal

                Comment


                  Ehhh...I do that.

                  Comment


                    SA says;
                    Well you looked so stylish I thought you batted for the other camp - thats like the ultimate compliment!

                    I couldn't imagine you ever having a hair out of place!

                    n5gooner is awarded +5 Xeno Geek Points.
                    (whatever these are)

                    Comment


                      In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls
                      incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
                      Not quite - but I did once go to a party where someone fell asleep in the toilet leaning against a radiator and was so utterly out of it he had vertical stripes burned into his back when he woke up.

                      Comment

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