Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Congratulations to everybody who survived the 48 hour Great Melt.

So that's climate change done, what's next?

[vetran]

My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction.


So I packed up my stuff and right.

[vetran]

I'm not saying it's hot in my living room,
But two Hobbits just walked in and threw a ring into it

[vetran]

As the weather is so hot I asked the Hermes delivery driver if he'd like a bottle of cold water. When he said yes I dropkicked it over a fence into my neighbour's rose bush and told him I'd left it in a designated safe space.

[vetran]

I'm not saying it's hot. But, I've just squirted the contents of a, McDonald's apple pie over my head to cool down...

[vetran]

I'm not saying it's hot but I just saw Prince Andrew buy an antiperspirant.

[vetran]

hmm

You know you're in a tulip hotel when you phone the front desk and say, "I've got a leak in my sink." and they reply, "Go ahead."

[NotAllThere]

Just be glad this heat wave's not happening in winter. Can you imagine shovelling snow in this heat?

[vetran]

My son asked, "What is paranoid?"

"It's two noids," I replied.

"What's a noid?," he said.

"What I get when you ask too many ******* questions."

[vetran]

In the race for PM, Penny Mordaunt seems to have plenty of people on her side.

At the same time, you can't ignore her knockers.