Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Who called them Creationists and not Primate Change Deniers?

[vetran]

In 1968 the yanks thought they were getting tower bridge but we sent them London Bridge instead.

This time round they thought they were getting a Windsor but we sent them a Hewitt.

[vetran]

Atheism is a Non Prophet Organisation..

[WaltZucher]

What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall?

Dam(n).

I don't know, what did the fish say?

[vetran]

What's the difference between arsenal and the band 'queen' ?


Arsenal will never be the champions

[vetran]

and one for the ladies



Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there,
St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven:don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?' The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck

[vetran]

I understand some of you lot have ADHD.


That's nothing. I have AD4K

[vetran]

People applauded when they witnessed a dwarf abseiling down a prison wall.
I saw it as a little condescending.

[vetran]

What's the difference between a rock band and a jazz band?

A rock band plays three chords in front of 50,000 people. A jazz band is pretty much the other way round.

[vetran]

Why don't ants get Covid?

Because they have these little antibodies....