Posters who've had loony partners

[northernrampage]

I've had way too many.

One guy I was seeing collected magazines about serial killers and admired Ted Bundy. And expected me to buy him sandwiches out of my dole money whereas his went on brand new Levis. One time I said "you can have some cheese and toast, I'm off to get a sarnie". He started screeching at me in front of a bunch of builders that "why should I have caviar when he had nothing". We once had a row and I ran away (from my own house!) as he would not stop going on and on, and he followed me into the street without his clothes on. We lasted a month. When we split up he hung around my house and used to say to my mother "why won't she speak to me". This was also after he'd nicked my leather jacket and I had to send my friend "Bob" round to get it back as I was a poor (ish) p/t student and it was my trusty winter coat.

Had lots of bad dates. One guy told me he didn't like women with big tits and flat arses after ranting on about how he didn't like people with "working class interests", (along with throwing in racist comments). At this point I stood up and said "that'll be me then, I've got big tits and a flat arse" as by this point I was fed-up. He looked confused and said I was perfectly formed. I went to the toilet, by the time I came back he'd had a good look and said he had to go.

Another date tried to get me drunk and didn't realise I can drink a lot. Told me his flat was a mess but would I like to come back anyway. When I ignored him he tried to steer me back there by gently pushing me. I now don't tolerate bad dates for long (or do online dating).

There are worse ones but keeping schtum on those. I stayed single for ages as kept thinking I was making bad choices....bad dates are unfortunate mind you, but the relationships.. urgh.

Mary Poppins... your guitar story, I went out with a guy for a year that used to get out his electric guitar and get me to sing along to Oasis and Jam songs. He used to get us to play singing games when we woke up in the morning as he knew he had a good voice and liked to show off constantly. I think I need to raise my standards.

The person I'm seeing now is almost normal though.

[Cliphead]

I've had way too many.

One guy I was seeing collected magazines about serial killers and admired Ted Bundy. And expected me to buy him sandwiches out of my dole money whereas his went on brand new Levis. One time I said "you can have some cheese and toast, I'm off to get a sarnie". He started screeching at me in front of a bunch of builders that "why should I have caviar when he had nothing". We once had a row and I ran away (from my own house!) as he would not stop going on and on, and he followed me into the street without his clothes on. We lasted a month. When we split up he hung around my house and used to say to my mother "why won't she speak to me". This was also after he'd nicked my leather jacket and I had to send my friend "Bob" round to get it back as I was a poor (ish) p/t student and it was my trusty winter coat.

Had lots of bad dates. One guy told me he didn't like women with big tits and flat arses after ranting on about how he didn't like people with "working class interests", (along with throwing in racist comments). At this point I stood up and said "that'll be me then, I've got big tits and a flat arse" as by this point I was fed-up. He looked confused and said I was perfectly formed. I went to the toilet, by the time I came back he'd had a good look and said he had to go.

Another date tried to get me drunk and didn't realise I can drink a lot. Told me his flat was a mess but would I like to come back anyway. When I ignored him he tried to steer me back there by gently pushing me. I now don't tolerate bad dates for long (or do online dating).

There are worse ones but keeping schtum on those. I stayed single for ages as kept thinking I was making bad choices....bad dates are unfortunate mind you, but the relationships.. urgh.

Mary Poppins... your guitar story, I went out with a guy for a year that used to get out his electric guitar and get me to sing along to Oasis and Jam songs. He used to get us to play singing games when we woke up in the morning as he knew he had a good voice and liked to show off constantly. I think I need to raise my standards.

The person I'm seeing now is almost normal though.

Outstanding! I got a giggle from the big tits flat arse comment.

[MarillionFan]

I once managed to get a date with a classy girl who worked as a senior civil servant at Parliament.

I was in my late 20's and she was the older women(at least 32/33!)

A slightly diminutive figure she had a part time job in an off licence until 9. She decided to come and meet me after work at the hotel I was staying.

She breezed in where I was already on a 2nd pint and said 'I need to do some catching up'. I got her a large wine and she necked it in one go! I got myself another pint and her a large wine. She necked it immediately! (So I got her another).

Within 20 minutes she'd necked a full bottle.

The evening was going well. I was being funny. She was laughing. But then the booze started to kick in. She started to say 'MF you're so funny, I really like you' and then tried to kiss my face, then lick it!!

She got louder and louder. Another glass came! She then fell off the stool at the bar! And got louder!!!

Then she started to shout 'I want to f**k you, I want to f**k you right now!' The people in the bar started to look, the barman tutted and then the manager came up and told me to get rid of her. At which point my date got offensive, fell off the stool, her skirt went up above her waist and she told the manager to **** off!

I picked her up and carried her across the foyer, all along with her shouting she was going to **** me.

To be honest I was quite scared at this point. I looked at the ground. The devil did not appear.

I then bundled the lass into a taxi, with her wailing all the way and how she still wanted me to take her upstairs and **** her.

All in all 45 minutes!!!!

The next day at work she remembered nothing!

[markmm]

I once managed to get a date with a classy girl who worked as a senior civil servant at Parliament.

I was in my late 20's and she was the older women(at least 32/33!)

A slightly diminutive figure she had a part time job in an off licence until 9. She decided to come and meet me after work at the hotel I was staying.

She breezed in where I was already on a 2nd pint and said 'I need to do some catching up'. I got her a large wine and she necked it in one go! I got myself another pint and her a large wine. She necked it immediately! (So I got her another).

Within 20 minutes she'd necked a full bottle.

The evening was going well. I was being funny. She was laughing. But then the booze started to kick in. She started to say 'MF you're so funny, I really like you' and then tried to kiss my face, then lick it!!

She got louder and louder. Another glass came! She then fell off the stool at the bar! And got louder!!!

Then she started to shout 'I want to f**k you, I want to f**k you right now!' The people in the bar started to look, the barman tutted and then the manager came up and told me to get rid of her. At which point my date got offensive, fell off the stool, her skirt went up above her waist and she told the manager to **** off!

I picked her up and carried her across the foyer, all along with her shouting she was going to **** me.

To be honest I was quite scared at this point. I looked at the ground. The devil did not appear.

I then bundled the lass into a taxi, with her wailing all the way and how she still wanted me to take her upstairs and **** her.

All in all 45 minutes!!!!

The next day at work she remembered nothing!

Did you?

[Tingles]

............................................

The next day at work she remembered nothing!

Yeah...course she didn't!




Tone

[shaunbhoy]

I once managed to get a date with a classy girl who worked as a senior civil servant at Parliament.

I was in my late 20's and she was the older women(at least 32/33!)

A slightly diminutive figure she had a part time job in an off licence until 9. She decided to come and meet me after work at the hotel I was staying.

She breezed in where I was already on a 2nd pint and said 'I need to do some catching up'. I got her a large wine and she necked it in one go! I got myself another pint and her a large wine. She necked it immediately! (So I got her another).

Within 20 minutes she'd necked a full bottle.

The evening was going well. I was being funny. She was laughing. But then the booze started to kick in. She started to say 'MF you're so funny, I really like you' and then tried to kiss my face, then lick it!!

She got louder and louder. Another glass came! She then fell off the stool at the bar! And got louder!!!

Then she started to shout 'I want to f**k you, I want to f**k you right now!' The people in the bar started to look, the barman tutted and then the manager came up and told me to get rid of her. At which point my date got offensive, fell off the stool, her skirt went up above her waist and she told the manager to **** off!

I picked her up and carried her across the foyer, all along with her shouting she was going to **** me.

To be honest I was quite scared at this point. I looked at the ground. The devil did not appear.

I then bundled the lass into a taxi, with her wailing all the way and how she still wanted me to take her upstairs and **** her.

All in all 45 minutes!!!!

The next day at work she remembered nothing!

Oh sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MarillionFan]

Oh sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't need to get a lass drunk to take advantage of her! That's what Rhyponol is for.

[Platypus]

AFAIK, the following posters or former posters have had seriously mentally deranged partners in their time;

- chef
- Wilmslow
- the person once known as Tay
- MaryPoppins
- FiveTimes
- wobbegong
- kandr
- hyperD

Any more?

I claim my place on your list!

My ex was (is) a nutter of the highest order. Too many stories and too many painful memories to recount. But the pattern of self-delusion and lying is still going strong.

The most recent case in point was telling everyone, and I mean everyone, that she had some sort of incurable cancer. Yes, she'd been for tests and it was all confirmed. She had apparently even started chemotherapy.

This during Young Platypus #2 's GCSE exams. As you can imagine, the Young Platypuses found this hard to cope with. Almost as hard as when it transpired that this was a total fabrication

Oh well. It's all part of life's rich tapestry.

[Platypus]

I used to know a fella who wore cowboy boots and drank the same - a local in the pub I worked in. Spooky. This guy was however around 4"5 - his nickname was Little Dave. He used to be a cameraman on Roger Cook, and talked about it constantly.

Jesus - THAT rings a bell.... was he ex-merchant navy? I'm racking my brains, but I *know* I've met this person.

EDIT: unless that story has been told on here before, and I'm mis-remembering. But I don't think so.

[darmstadt]

I was seeing a young Catholic schoolgirl once who had the unfortunate surname of Shingles (and a very old fashioned Catholic forename) who was slightly off her rocker but was quite nice. I used to do shifts and sleep during the day when on nights but lunch times were ruined as she used to bring all her school mates back to mine at lunch time and so I would enter the living room in my O-backs which would be full of young school girls in uniform. Oh, it was torture getting back to sleep She eventually decided to move in and her mother used to come round and there were crying fits and histrioincs while my flatmate and me would be hiding in the kitchen. Eventually threw her out and I'm sure there was some fallout.

Diddled this old Greenham Common women once, pretty drunk and not proud but still, what the hell? Apart from the fact I found out that I was good friends with her sons, both older than me and she then decided that I was the one for her and took it upon herself to 'stalk' me. Turning up at the pub, sitting outside my flat in her car when I wouldn't answer the door. The missus was not impressed at all.

At the same party where the above happened, earlier on in the evening I was sitting in the living room talking to a female friend who had a rather attractive female companion. Things were getting on famously until she asked me if I knew who she was. The room at this point had gone rather quiet and I replied in the negative. She continued to press the point I still couldn't work out if I had met her before. Eventually the giggling which had started a bit earlier got louder and she replied that she was in fact Neil, an old friend from years back who had had a sex change. My response, after an embarrassed pause was to point out, so what, as long as all the girlie bits where there (upstairs looked good anyway) then I'm as game as the next man.

Which reminds me of when I was once sitting in the pub next a rather attractive girl and we got talking. First of all it was school, blimey, we both went to the same one. Then we were both the same age, surely we must know each other? Then I mentioned I lived at the time in a certain road and she responded that so did she. I then came out with; "Do you remember the W family at the end of the road. The oldest daughter, S, she alsways stack of wee?" "That was me." was the none too impressed reply.

The first young lady I met here in Germany I 'stole' from under the nose of an American in a pub, wish I never had now. She was quite up for it but in all the time we went out together, not once did I ever penetrate her, in fact never even got fully naked. First of all would be foreplay which basically consisted of me rubbing my fingers furiously for hours in the region of her groin and by the time she was ready I was knackered and she was already satisified! She had spent some time in hospital/homes and was at one point a habitual drug user apparently. Anyway come the day I decided that enough was enough I was sitting at home and get a phone call saying that if I broke up with her she would cut off her leg and other such entreaties. Not wanting to be a party to anyone hurting themselves I told her to come round and we would discuss it like adults. She turns up, half cut, a huge cut in her lower right leg and proceeds to get a knife out and then to try and cut her right breast off. Eventually calmed her down, bandaged her up and sent her home.

Was seeing this divorced mother of 2 and used to have to hide in the bedroom when her ex-husband came round while she made him cups of tea or breakfast even though he knew full well I was upstairs as we both turned up there together the evening before. Never worked that one out.