• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Boom ... but very early days

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • vetran
    replied
    Originally posted by Whorty View Post
    So find a woman who also doesn't want kids - job done.

    I think this decision is after the divorce experience, when we were young and idealistic we thought the family & divorce courts actually worked. Having now seen women who shouldn't be allowed kids getting full custody and men who beat their wives being paid maintenance I am not a big fan.

    However as mentioned discussing whether you as a couple want kids before marriage / conception is vital and not discussing it is a dreadful mistake.

    Mrs V did throw me one curve we originally planned 2 kids but a friend lost a child leaving their sibling alone and Mrs V realised that its possible it could happen to our kids. We discussed it and now have Miss V3 who is a joy.

    Leave a comment:


  • Whorty
    replied
    Originally posted by ladymuck View Post
    Completely agree there - mixing wants and don't wants when it comes to kids is a disaster. It's ok for both to be unsure but there's a risk there that one will turn into a want and the other will turn into a don't want. That's bridge you have to cross when you come to it. It's far easier when you know your position.

    I'm generally a 'never say never' person but kids have always been on my 'never' list once it dawned on me that they didn't have to be an inevitable part of a woman's future.
    Mrs W never saw them in her future and she had a full and happy life (if not too short). She had an amazing career, lots of great experiences, we traveled everywhere; friends would say how lucky we were to see so much of the world, her response to them was always it wasn't luck, we just chose not to have kids whilst they did. Luck never came into it. Whilst they were buying nappies, she was buying Jimmy Choos

    Leave a comment:


  • Whorty
    replied
    Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
    Why any man would want children when they have no right to see them and an obligation to pay for them.

    Take the sexism women get in the workplace and multiply by 100.....
    So find a woman who also doesn't want kids - job done.

    Leave a comment:


  • BrilloPad
    replied
    Originally posted by Whorty View Post
    No bullet dodging, I had that conversation with Mrs W (and previous girlfriends) early on. I never wanted kids and would not have married someone who did - a combination for a failed relationship.

    Mrs W was exactly the same - even before she was diagnosed with her illness she never wanted kids, her illness confirmed it was never going to be a good idea. Both of us wanting (or in this instance not wanting) the same thing worked perfectly.

    What surprises me is going into a marriage knowing that one person wants kids and one doesn't. I have a mate like that, his wife is a breeder, they ended up with 3 kids. He's not happy. Funny thing is, they were in the same group of friends that Mrs W and i mixed with before we were all coupled up and the breeder did want to go out with me but I knew even though she was attractive looking, we were not compatible.

    For me marriage was really until death us do part so i wanted to make sure it was right for me and a future Mrs W.
    Why any man would want children when they have no right to see them and an obligation to pay for them.

    Take the sexism women get in the workplace and multiply by 100.....

    Leave a comment:


  • ladymuck
    replied
    Originally posted by Whorty View Post
    No bullet dodging, I had that conversation with Mrs W (and previous girlfriends) early on. I never wanted kids and would not have married someone who did - a combination for a failed relationship.

    Mrs W was exactly the same - even before she was diagnosed with her illness she never wanted kids, her illness confirmed it was never going to be a good idea. Both of us wanting (or in this instance not wanting) the same thing worked perfectly.

    What surprises me is going into a marriage knowing that one person wants kids and one doesn't. I have a mate like that, his wife is a breeder, they ended up with 3 kids. He's not happy. Funny thing is, they were in the same group of friends that Mrs W and i mixed with before we were all coupled up and the breeder did want to go out with me but I knew even though she was attractive looking, we were not compatible.

    For me marriage was really until death us do part so i wanted to make sure it was right for me and a future Mrs W.
    Completely agree there - mixing wants and don't wants when it comes to kids is a disaster. It's ok for both to be unsure but there's a risk there that one will turn into a want and the other will turn into a don't want. That's bridge you have to cross when you come to it. It's far easier when you know your position.

    I'm generally a 'never say never' person but kids have always been on my 'never' list once it dawned on me that they didn't have to be an inevitable part of a woman's future.

    Leave a comment:


  • Whorty
    replied
    Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
    Then that makes marriage much easier for a man. You dodged a bullet there.

    Though I have often wondered if a gay couple have a child and go to court how does the judge decide which one to hate?
    No bullet dodging, I had that conversation with Mrs W (and previous girlfriends) early on. I never wanted kids and would not have married someone who did - a combination for a failed relationship.

    Mrs W was exactly the same - even before she was diagnosed with her illness she never wanted kids, her illness confirmed it was never going to be a good idea. Both of us wanting (or in this instance not wanting) the same thing worked perfectly.

    What surprises me is going into a marriage knowing that one person wants kids and one doesn't. I have a mate like that, his wife is a breeder, they ended up with 3 kids. He's not happy. Funny thing is, they were in the same group of friends that Mrs W and i mixed with before we were all coupled up and the breeder did want to go out with me but I knew even though she was attractive looking, we were not compatible.

    For me marriage was really until death us do part so i wanted to make sure it was right for me and a future Mrs W.

    Leave a comment:


  • BrilloPad
    replied
    Originally posted by Whorty View Post
    No.
    Then that makes marriage much easier for a man. You dodged a bullet there.

    Though I have often wondered if a gay couple have a child and go to court how does the judge decide which one to hate?

    Leave a comment:


  • Whorty
    replied
    Originally posted by GhostofTarbera View Post
    Ever considered somewhere sunny (22c in lanzerto today) ? 800eur a month to get a great place

    With working from home forever I’m seriously thinking myself to escaping myself (currently pay 2000 month for London pad, not been in office for 9 months)


    Sent from my iPhone using Contractor UK Forum

    It was a plan Mrs W and I had for our early retirement in 5 years time ... at this moment I can't stomach even thinking about that anymore. I'll have enough spare cash to travel to warmer countries (once lockdown eases) and maybe in the future my head will be somewhere else.

    I think for me personally, for now, Solihull is right - friends, a few family members, it's where I met Mrs W and where her ashes will be scattered and a tree planted. If/when time is right then I may look further afield.

    Leave a comment:


  • ladymuck
    replied
    Originally posted by GhostofTarbera View Post
    Ever considered somewhere sunny (22c in lanzerto today) ? 800eur a month to get a great place

    With working from home forever I’m seriously thinking myself to escaping myself (currently pay 2000 month for London pad, not been in office for 9 months)


    Sent from my iPhone using Contractor UK Forum
    Bit cold in Russia though

    Leave a comment:


  • GhostofTarbera
    replied
    Originally posted by Whorty View Post
    That would be nice.

    Update is we don't think we will be able to exchange before the end of March so the time pressure is off to some degree. Met buyer today (outside, socially distanced) and they really want my house and are happy to wait for me to find the right property.

    I viewed a few properties Friday and flats are a no. I had to see it for myself but can't see myself getting rid of too much of the life/stuff that Mrs W and me built up. So will be buying a decent sized property in Solihull area. Gonna get stung by stamp duty but hey ho, it's only money
    Ever considered somewhere sunny (22c in lanzerto today) ? 800eur a month to get a great place

    With working from home forever I’m seriously thinking myself to escaping myself (currently pay 2000 month for London pad, not been in office for 9 months)


    Sent from my iPhone using Contractor UK Forum

    Leave a comment:

Working...
X