Please put more jokes here

[DBA_bloke]

Two royal corgies, Towser & Rex, are sittng in the living room in Buckingham Palace, watching the broadcast of the Queen Mum's funeral. Rex is sniffling and having a bit of a cry.

"What's up with you?" says Towser.

"Well (sniff)... she was a lovely lady, and we'll all miss her (boo hoo)." sobs Rex.

"Come off it! I'm glad she's gone!" sneers Towser.

"Why do you say that?" asks Rex, tearfully.

"Well, " says Towser, "at least now we won't get blamed for pissing on the sofa."

[EternalOptimist]

This couple die in a car crash, possibly in Wales. As they queue at the pearly gates St Peter says to the couple at the head of the queue
'HELL'
You spent your whole life thinking about the garden, never a thought about God. Even your wifes called Rose'

A few couples get in, then St Peter says to the couple at the head of the queue
'HELL'
You spent your whole life thinking about money, never a thought about God. Money Money Money. Even your wifes called Penny'

The guy from the crash turns to his wife - 'come on F@nny, I am not hanging around HERE to be insulted'

[Colemanisor]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[DaveB]

Whats the difference between a lorry load of sand and a lorry load of babies?

You can't unload sand with a pitchfork.

[zeitghost]

Originally Posted by DaveB

Whats the difference between a lorry load of sand and a lorry load of babies?

You can't unload sand with a pitchfork.

Copyright some forgotten rag mag roughly 1968.

[zeitghost]

In a similar vein:


"What's the difference between a duck?"

"One of its legs is both the same".





Boooooom boooom.

No.

I don't know what it means either.

[wendigo100]

That sounds like a Gordon Brown joke.

[wobbegong]

Originally Posted by zeitghost

In a similar vein:


"What's the difference between a duck?"

"One of its legs is both the same".





Boooooom boooom.

No.

I don't know what it means either.

Great to hear that one again.

Ooh, BTW the museum called; they want their joke back.

[DaveB]

Whats brown and sticky?



























































A Stick.


IGMC.

[TheFaQQer]

Originally Posted by zeitghost

In a similar vein:


"What's the difference between a duck?"

"One of its legs is both the same".

I think it comes from the second Grailquest book (a choose your own adventure a la The Warlock of Firetop Mountain).