Please put more jokes here

[monkeyboy]

What’s the definition of optimism?

An investment banker ironing 5 shirts on a Sunday evening

[mailric]

Originally Posted by monkeyboy

What’s the definition of optimism?

An investment banker ironing 5 shirts on a Sunday evening

HBOS employee / Bradford & Bingley employee / the list is endless

[voodooflux]

In response to a mention in tpd...


Steve Davis goes home where his wife is waiting in a baby doll nightie.

"Come on Stevie I'm feeling frisky" she says.

Steve makes her bend over the kitchen table and stands behind her.

After a delay she says

"Come on, hurry up! what are you waiting for?"

Steve eyes her up and down and says

"I'm trying to decide whether to go for the easy pink or the more difficult brown!"

[BrilloPad]

Husband to wife: Darling, how about some video love tonight?
Wife: Video love? What's that?
Husband: Fast forward, stop, eject.


My husband brought home a tube of KY jelly saying it would make me a happy woman. He was right - when he left the bedroom I greased the outside doorknob with it and shut the door - now he can't get back in.

[voodooflux]

A mother is cleaning her teenage daughter's room when she finds a
bondage magazine hidden under the bed.

She shows it to her husband and asks him what he thinks they should
do.

After flicking through the magazine her husband says, "To be honest I'm not sure, but I don't think spanking her is going to help."

[voodooflux]

Husband says to wife "My Olympic condoms have arrived, I think I'll wear gold tonight" to which his wife responds "why don't you wear silver and come 2nd second for a change?"

[voodooflux]

I got into an argument with this thug in the pub. Anyway, I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, "I know where you live." I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for City Link, so his threat almost certainly isn't true.

[TazMaN]

Why can't a bicycle stand up on it's own?
Because it's too tired.


2 peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

[voodooflux]

Three Chinese men named Bu, Chu and Fu moved to the USA. They needed new names so they could fit in better. Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck and Fu.........









...........went back to China.

[TazMaN]

Prince Charles decided to take up jogging. Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. "One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb. "No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past. Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard.